I have some intelligence on OM2, and am working on gathering more. I don't consider OM1 worth my time right now.

I'm waiting for the signed/stamped judgment to show up in the mail so the divorce is final. Believe me, the wait is excruciating.

Oddly enough, the best source of information is WW. She loves talking about OM2!

OM pastor (and the rest of church leadership, young adults group leaders, etc.) will be on my list.

Does OM2 have any other GFs?

Have you found his family yet?

Carry on dude, but I would try and ramp up your nuke date as much as possible. With your sitch, time really is of the essence.

Gotta say though, it's good to have a BH come here for help and not have a need to have that help pounded into his head to take some action.

Doesn't happen often around here, I'm very sorry to say.

No girlfriends as far as we're aware, unless he's got a girlfriend that none of his friends know about, that doesn't mind that he's out at all hours of the night, and doesn't mind him posting love songs with another woman on his Facebook.

I live next door to a coffeehouse/nightclub where he and WW play music at open mic nights. My WW works there sometimes as a bartender, which is how she met him. It's gotten to the point where an older couple I'm friends with remarked that they saw him through the glass windows of the coffeehouse when driving through town, singing next to WW.

OM2's parents' home address and mother's name have been located. He lives at the same address in an finished garage or apartment or something like that. No phone number/email for the parents yet, but such things can be obtained.

My attitude right now is focused solely on exposure, having as favourable of a divorce outcome as possible, and shifting as much financial responsibility (within the terms of the divorce agremeent) to WW as possible.

If WW wants to reconcile, that's another topic for down the road.

Exposure will be sometime this week, but possibly not until next weekend. I've been busy transcribing and editing audio; it's excruciating. Visit the "Things out of a wayward's piehole" thread for more. To be honest, hearing and analysing her words, especially about a past emotional affair, is making me want to call it quits on ever trying to work things out with her.

You can't analyze what a wayward says too much.
It's usually just what they call "fog babble"

My sister has a neighbor with a heroine addict son.
He is banned from his parents house but will walk there like a zombie and lie there on the lawn as If he is dead. Supposedly he will mutter sometimes while he lays there (the cops always come and take him away)

Obviously it would be a complete waste of time to listen o what he says ; same thing for wayward.

WW's parents seem to have found out.

Early exposure is not at all desirable!

That's a natural consequence/ event.
Don't worry about it

Exposure in progress.

Gonna be a long day.

Glad to hear it. The sooner the better to have the truth out first before the waywards can spin their version of bs

Trust me, I know. Me and my family were called loco and skank actually encouraged kiss to put a restraining order on us! As if a judge would.actually grant that!

Well, THAT didn't take long. I didn't even get a chance to get started on Facebook. Got to her grandparents and her sister/brother-in-law.

What happened was I had already told her parents about the affair. Apparently WW had told them it was a one time thing, and it was over. I casually mentioned that she was with him right now and her mother seemed very surprised. Things snowballed from there.

WW spent a while with her mother, who drove her down to meet with OM2 face to face, where she told him she wouldn't be able to talk to him until the divorce is final because "my husband has me over a financial barrel".

WW has agreed to EPs (in theory), and agrees not to be around any of her new (post-affair) friends, or the whole bar/music scene.

As bad as this sounds, right now I just want a divorce and want it to be over with. I'm having to deal with someone who, frankly, seems crazy: lies to her mother, lies to her sister, gets upset with me when accidentally caught in those lies, lets me know over and over she doesn't want to be my wife (thanks--the divorce filing didn't tell me that), and kept stating she wanted to end her life.

What on earth have I gotten myself into? Oh, and yeah, exposure is VERY effective. I had no idea how even partial exposure could kill an affair so fast. Right now though I am deeply fearful of:

- False recovery

- Partial exposure

I'm not sure what to do other than to finish the exposure to OM's friends tomorrow.

for MIL.

You should finish exposure tonight to OM's side. Do not do a trickle exposure. He may be telling his family a bunch of lies now. Get it done, friend.

Yeah, I am grateful for her support. Even though she thinks I'm being "controlling" and that it's unreasonable of me to ask for her social networking passwords, etc. (which WW just agreed to disclose to me).

I really fouled up with the OM in the sense I don't know how to reach his family. I already drove down there and knocked on every door within spitting distance of his mother's/his house, and apparently everyone had other plans on a Sunday afternoon. I have her name, but no phone number.

I can blast away an exposure on Facebook tonight. WW, her parents, and myself have come to an agreement that involves her moving back in our shared apartment.

I'm not entirely sure how I feel about that.

Okay. So WW has moved back into our apartment, effective tonight.

I've stated my goal is for the two of us to end the year with no debt. We're talking about $9,000 of debt she has here.

Does this mean the price, in WW's head, of ending the affair was $9,000? I'm so confused by wayward logic right now. Literally nothing makes sense.

I'm just flabbergasted she decided to end it, decided to move back in, and for no benefit I can see other than a few lousy bucks which aren't even guaranteed. (I am assuming she does not consider my roommate-ship a "benefit".)

Be careful. She may be buying time and staying in a safe place while she does so.

Let her know that there are things she needs to do NOW before you will agree to even consider reconciling, to-wit:

1. NC letter to OM.
2. Sharing all passwords.
3. Change her cell phone number.
4. Follow Marriage Builders for recovering the marriage. Get the online course - and she needs to follow it diligently.

If she is unwillinging to do any of these things, KICK HER [censored] BACK OUT.

She currently does not want to recover the marriage, but who knows--that might change tomorrow. Reading her Facebook messages just now gave me an entirely different perspective on how she perceives this marriage than what she's been telling me.

Getting her to send an NC letter to OM will not be difficult.

Passwords have been shared. In fact, they hadn't changed in years. I'm just not naturally a snooper.

Changing her cell will be relatively easy to do.

I suspect she will think very differently about saving your marriage when she realizes that the affair is dead and she has nowhere to go.

This is really weird. If she has no intentions of recovering your marriage, then just why did she do all this?

Those crazy waywards...

I guess.

I'm also guessing now that Momma has found out she's been lied to and the affair was ongoing and not a ONS, she pretty much kicked her out and she had nowhere else to go.

That's the only thing that makes sense to me at this point.