You need to write your exposure letter and post it here for review.
Follow the Exposure 101 link. Below MelodyLane name.

On D-day, before I found this site, I told her she had to stop seeing him completely and that our 12 year relationship at least deserved a chance. So I monitored her cell phone usage for the next 5 days I think and as she said, she had not been texting him. He texted her, but she did not reply. I don't have access to her work email either where they may have been communicating.

I don't think she was talking to him at first, because day 2 and 3 she was very bitter and edgy. And told me she didn't want to have to choose and shouldn't make her. Eventually, I suspected she was back at it, but had no proof. Was going on what her Mom was saying, figuring if anyone knows her and how to deal with this, it would be her Mom. Mom's basis was she raised good daughters, and WW may be acting crazy, but to just trust her. Well, after last Saturday, when I trusted myself, I put the recorder in the car and sure enough I was right. So, this was only 3 days ago.

Guess I should've looked into the GPS sooner. Do I still do it now that I have one piece of proof? I also have printed one day, which was our anniversary, all the texts to and from him all day that day----our anniversary. I'm assuming those are useful. I wish I'd printed out all the pages and pages of texts when I had access to the phone records. Guess I figured she wouldn't change the PW if she wasn't hiding anything.

What good does that do when she already wants that anyway. Just yesterday she said she wanted me to move on and let her move on. If I tell her to end it or we get divorced she'll just say "Ok"

Yes. You are correct. Your wife will want divorce.
That is when you plan B.
Currently she is having a couple needs met by her affair partner, and several more by you.
In plan b (separation) she will need to have all of her emotional needs met by her affair partner. Most affair partners can't meet those needs.

In fact most affairs die within 6 months.

The quickest way to kill an affair is through exposure. This needs to be done tomorrow. Can you commit to exposure tomorrow?

The good it does is tells her the truth, that if she doesn't end her affair this will lead to divorce. You should DEMAND she end her affair.

What happened to doing plan A for up 6 months? I take care of our daughter, WW pays the bills. Don't even know how I'd do plan B. Haven't read up on it yet really as I was thinking that was a down the road kind of thing.

You should be very clear that she cannot stay married to you if she continues her affair.

You have not even STARTED PLAN A. You are in Plan Buttboy. You need to do PLAN A for a while and prepare for Plan B.

Our circle of friends and family is rather small. Her parents both already know and her Mom will be of no help, her Dad just says to start preparing for D by talking to lawyers and figuring out custody and such with WW.

Her sister is out of town, due back soon, she would likely be a great ally. WW FB friends and work. I'll have to do some homework on getting work info, as I can't just walk in, a keycard is required.

You need to expose tomorrow and you do that in plan A.
Plan A is being nice and meeting needs while at the same time DEMANDING the affair ends and your wife follow the MB recovery plan.

Your family needs you to act to save your marriage.

She already doesn't want to. Typically fogged WW. Is this a psychological tactic, as I see no benefit. I've already told her this and obviously she went back as most WW's apparently do.

For workplace exposure you mail a certified letter to the company.
Sample letters are in melodylanes link Exposure 101.

You also need to expose to OM family and married friends. You can usually find them on Facebook

Gather up all her friends and family's email addresses and do a mass exposure. Don't try and pencil whip this exercise or blow us off by saying "they all know." No, they don't. Send them out an email like the template in my thread asking them for support in ending your wife's affair.


You don't have to go to work to expose. You send them a letter. You can send an email to all those other people.

Can you think of any more objections?

You need to get your letter written and post in here when you do.
Can you do this tonight?
It takes about 15 minutes

Thats fine. You can tell her again. It is not a "tactic". Unless you are willing to stay in a marriage with 3 people? Are you?

and so what's my response to be when I demand her stop the affair or we will end up divorced, and she says "Ok". How do I respond to that (calmly)?

Dear friends and family,

I am writing you this message because you are an important person in the lives of xxxx and I. As some of you know, xxxxx has recently asked me for a separation, which has shattered my heart. To my shock, I am saddened to have discovered that the reason is because she has been carrying on an affair with a old boyfriend named xxxxx xxxxx who resides in xxxxxx. He is also married and has young children . The purpose of the separation is so that she can carry on her affair without my interference.

She refuses to end the affair. I want our marriage to recover from this affair. If you have any influence on my babe, please do what you can to get her to stop this dangerous affair. I want to stay married, but the affair must end.

As our friends and family, I am asking that you use your influence with xxxx to persuade her to end her affair and try to work on our marriage. Our marriage can be salvaged if she would only end the affair. Please support her in doing the right thing. Please support our marriage.

I would so appreciate your support and prayers.

Warmest regards,

Workplace exposure letter - be sure and send to 3 key people and cc each on the letter. Good targets would be the Director of Human Resources, a key VP and both affairee's supervisor. This can be sent via registered letter or even via email!

Developed by Brits Brat, board member and corporate attorney--

To Whom It May Concern:

This letter is to bring a matter to your attention that may be a violation of your Company's Code of Conduct and/or other policies, procedures and business ethics.

WS and WS are involved in an extramarital affair that is taking place, primarily, in the workplace. Aside from the potential sexual harassment claims this situation presents, it also involves the inappropriate use of company resources and assets. WS and WS are using company time and company resources to further their affair. If you check the call histories on their office and cell phones along with their workstation computers, you will find the two of them are spending an inordinate amount of what should be productive work time to further their sexual relationship.

If you have any questions, please call me at xxx-xxxx. Otherwise, I will anticipate a response from you once you have investigated these concerns and taken appropriate corrective action.

Regards,

Say thank you!

What is your plan if she won't end her affair?