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For now I would focus on your exposure letter and getting that done tonight.
The letter also needs printed out and mailed to the employer tomorrow morning. Another way would be to go to the company's website tonight and send an email to the director of Human Resources, a key VP and both their supervisors. That might be the simplest way.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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She's home, going to confront now.
BH (me) - 40 WW-31
Married 4, together 12
DD 3
DDay (EA) - 8/17/12
Confronted/admitted - EA turned PA - 9/11/12
Exposed- 9/12/12
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Well, confonted. She's had sex with him, recently. She tried to lie about last Saturday until I confronted her with facts.
"What does it matter anyway, I already wanted a divorce."
Much more, I recorded it, but right now I have to go die (figuritively, but how I feel)
BH (me) - 40 WW-31
Married 4, together 12
DD 3
DDay (EA) - 8/17/12
Confronted/admitted - EA turned PA - 9/11/12
Exposed- 9/12/12
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No Sir.
Right now you need to get your exposure letters done.
Do not leave your house.
These exposure letters need to go out.
I'm very sorry that your wife has done this. I've been there and I know the horrible pain. But you need to stay focused. Follow the instructions and guidance from this forum and work the MB program. It is your best chance at saving your marriage.
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Well, confonted. She's had sex with him, recently. She tried to lie about last Saturday until I confronted her with facts.
"What does it matter anyway, I already wanted a divorce."
Much more, I recorded it, but right now I have to go die (figuritively, but how I feel) You have had the best of MB posting here to help you. You have the rest of your life to die. Now is the time to man up and get the exposure done. Melodylane has never steered one wrong. She gave you perfect exposure letters, use them now. She gave you intel websites use them now. You need and must kill this affair now or you marriage will definitately die. Exposure is the life support that is needed. By you not doing as guided here you are pulling the plug on the life support machine.
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"What does it matter anyway, I already wanted a divorce." Stop listening to this babble. Of course WW will say that because that is how she justifies the whole thing in her own mind. But she has not filed and is still at home. You need to expose because that will burst her little fantasy that she can leave the marriage and tell everyone that her and OM got together AFTER you separated/divorced. That is HER plan 2L2L. Waywards live in a fantasy...exposure and the light of day is your most powerful weapon in killing their little fantasy. It forces them to face the reality of their actions.
ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008
Recovered
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I would also start looking for a job or ways to earn income at home. If your DD is 4, then she will be starting school soon and is old enough to handle daycare...start looking for a good one.
Women love strong men who take control of their own life and destiny. They LOVE them.
ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008
Recovered
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Trust me, any reluctancy in doing the exposure is LONG gone now. It's game on now! I've lots to do today.
My question, after finding out it's gone sexual, and the angry blow up I had last night at her, how do I act around her now. I want to say everything nasty that comes to my mind, and make her feel terrible for what she's done. Plan A says to meet her EN and be the good, annoying habit free, ideal husband. How the hell does one do that or maybe when is more accurate after finding out your W just shacked up with OM?
Took my ring off last night. I've kept it on this whole time, while she was of course not wearing hers. Don't know what I want in the end, probably still R, but do I continue to wear my ring? Would she see not wearing it as yet another sign to go crazy with OM?
BH (me) - 40 WW-31
Married 4, together 12
DD 3
DDay (EA) - 8/17/12
Confronted/admitted - EA turned PA - 9/11/12
Exposed- 9/12/12
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Good job on confronting her!
Focus on doing your exposure and avoid lovebusters. This is not the time to pretend like you are calm and worry about your words. Focus your attention on killing the affair.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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OM's dad is name on OM's house mortgage, not OM's. But OM lives there and not his Dad. If there's a house, there's property tax being paid. Many county websites have links to where you can search for property tax bills and other info. Check yours and, with the address, it'll give the owner's name. If the owner doesn't live there, there may be another address where he receives the bill. Check it out, shouldn't take but a minute and you might get an address for the dad.
Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
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OM's dad is name on OM's house mortgage, not OM's. But OM lives there and not his Dad. If there's a house, there's property tax being paid. Many county websites have links to where you can search for property tax bills and other info. Check yours and, with the address, it'll give the owner's name. If the owner doesn't live there, there may be another address where he receives the bill. Check it out, shouldn't take but a minute and you might get an address for the dad. I had previously found that info on the county website, but it doesn't show anything I don't already know unfortunately. Think I'll need to purchase the information necessary. Problem is, how can I be sure I'm buying info for the right person/people?
BH (me) - 40 WW-31
Married 4, together 12
DD 3
DDay (EA) - 8/17/12
Confronted/admitted - EA turned PA - 9/11/12
Exposed- 9/12/12
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While I unhesitatingly recommend exposing the affair to friends, family, clergy, children, and the lover's spouse, I'm not so quick to suggest exposing it to an employer. That's because such an exposure could have unintended legal and economic consequences. For example, the affair might constitute grounds for a sexual harassment claim by the unfaithful spouse's lover. Or, it might trigger an outright firing of the spouse, making it far more difficult to find another job. So my advice whether or not to expose to an employer is usually made on a case-by-case basis. So what about my case? Single income (hers).
BH (me) - 40 WW-31
Married 4, together 12
DD 3
DDay (EA) - 8/17/12
Confronted/admitted - EA turned PA - 9/11/12
Exposed- 9/12/12
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In your case you expose. Pasted below is a statement Dr Harley made to a similar poster : I have not read everything in this thread, but I want to make it clear that I am in favor of exposure of an affair in the workplace when a spouse will not leave the job after or during an affair with a fellow worker. An affair is such an egregious violation of marital trust that ending it trumps employment and even possible legal action. While most companies will cooperate with the betrayed spouse to separate unfaithful employees, some do not. But it's still worth pursuing considering the suffering that affairs cause. And it definitely speeds up the death of an affair.
As for proof regarding an affair, the more you have, the better. But even if you have no absolute proof, but solid circumstantial evidence, a visit to the head of personnel can alert others to be on watch.
Best wishes,
Willard F. Harley, Jr.
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You need to get your exposure done TODAY
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So what about my case? Single income (hers). Can you live without her income? My WW quit her job (independent musician / bartender / barista / person who books live shows), as that occupation is a breeding ground for affairs and alcoholism.
BH (me), age 30. Plan D final 1/1/13
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You need to get your exposure done TODAY Trust me, I'm trying for that. The quicker I can get it started/done, the quicker it pops their F'n bubble. So what about my case? Single income (hers). Can you live without her income? I'm sure it could be done. But she has enormous school loans to pay for, I have back taxes from my business which the IRS has said to take 25% of my wages when I do work. So it would be tough. Idealy, we'd both work I guess, at this point.
BH (me) - 40 WW-31
Married 4, together 12
DD 3
DDay (EA) - 8/17/12
Confronted/admitted - EA turned PA - 9/11/12
Exposed- 9/12/12
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Qoheleth, you JUST exposed a few days ago. How'd it go? Hows things since?
BH (me) - 40 WW-31
Married 4, together 12
DD 3
DDay (EA) - 8/17/12
Confronted/admitted - EA turned PA - 9/11/12
Exposed- 9/12/12
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If you don't get your exposures done today, you are going to fail. You have begun this process and to give up now is going to achieve absolutely nothing.
So, please stop posting about your doubts, stop blogging, stop making excuses and put all your efforts into exposing at the workplace and every place else just like I told you. GEt ahold of the OM's father TODAY. SEnd out exposure letters to the family like I told you.
So far, you brought a pea shooter to the gun fight with your confrontation last night. If you don't back it up with a TSUNAMI exposure today, you are going to get your [censored] shot off. Don't STOP.
Get to work!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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