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While I unhesitatingly recommend exposing the affair to friends, family, clergy, children, and the lover's spouse, I'm not so quick to suggest exposing it to an employer. That's because such an exposure could have unintended legal and economic consequences. For example, the affair might constitute grounds for a sexual harassment claim by the unfaithful spouse's lover. Or, it might trigger an outright firing of the spouse, making it far more difficult to find another job. So my advice whether or not to expose to an employer is usually made on a case-by-case basis. So what about my case? Single income (hers). Instead of looking for loopholes and ways to avoid conflict, how about writing up your exposure letter to the workplace and gathering the email addresses of 3 key authorities at work and sending the email? It should take about 30 minutes to complete this process and here you are and still haven't done this.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Got it. I believe I've tracked down his mom and her phone number. Going to get the letters done up and continue working. Thanks for the motivation and keeping me on track!
BH (me) - 40 WW-31
Married 4, together 12
DD 3
DDay (EA) - 8/17/12
Confronted/admitted - EA turned PA - 9/11/12
Exposed- 9/12/12
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Got it. I believe I've tracked down his mom and her phone number. Going to get the letters done up and continue working. Thanks for the motivation and keeping me on track! Good man! Stay focused and don't stop until you have unleashed the gates of HELL on the affair!!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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If I'm having difficulty finding contact info for POSOM, is it a good or bad idea to ask (for example) POSOM Mom to spread the word? Or ask her for contact info, or just tell her and get my own intel?
I'm quite certain I've found the Mom and phone number. May also have found sister.
Weird thing is, sometimes his dad's name shows up, but with OM's age. Other spots shows up his Dad's name with the appropriate age. I think the OM's first name is Dad's middle name. Making it harder to find S* out.
BH (me) - 40 WW-31
Married 4, together 12
DD 3
DDay (EA) - 8/17/12
Confronted/admitted - EA turned PA - 9/11/12
Exposed- 9/12/12
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If I'm having difficulty finding contact info for POSOM, is it a good or bad idea to ask (for example) POSOM Mom to spread the word? Or ask her for contact info, or just tell her and get my own intel? First ask the mother for her help in ending this crap that her son is doing. You can then ask for his contact info. Odds are she won't give it for fear of his getting his [censored] kicked, but you may be surprised. If you have an address for the sister as well, send her a letter, too.
Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
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Human Resources Executive or Director?
BH (me) - 40 WW-31
Married 4, together 12
DD 3
DDay (EA) - 8/17/12
Confronted/admitted - EA turned PA - 9/11/12
Exposed- 9/12/12
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Both.
Send it to as many people as you can.
Is this a paper letter or email? If email, follow it with an individual letter addressed to each target.
Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
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What if I can't find out POSOM work contact info. I don't even know what dept he works in. Only which floor. Is it enough to contact WW boss and HR director or executive assuming they will trickle down to POSOM?
BH (me) - 40 WW-31
Married 4, together 12
DD 3
DDay (EA) - 8/17/12
Confronted/admitted - EA turned PA - 9/11/12
Exposed- 9/12/12
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Whatever I can find. It's a constant search for info. First I had to find the HR dept, now I have the names, now I need to try to find the contact info. Having to do this for everyone and it's taking a while.
Now I have to go get me DD from school. Will continue to work on this when I get home and all F'n day. So much to do, just hope I can get it all done in time to do Full Nuclear all at once.
BH (me) - 40 WW-31
Married 4, together 12
DD 3
DDay (EA) - 8/17/12
Confronted/admitted - EA turned PA - 9/11/12
Exposed- 9/12/12
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My opinion?
Send the exposure letter to everyone that you can find a name and address for that has the slightest chance of knowing the OM.
I'm talking about sending it to the higher ups on down to the custodian if need be.
And emails really need to be followed up with a mailed letter to every person. Emails get missed, sent to spam, deleted without being read. It's rare these days for people to actually get letters so they have a greater chance of standing out.
I forget how many I sent to where my OM worked--think it was 40 or 50.
Last edited by Northwood8900; 09/12/12 01:38 PM.
Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
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Intellius will give you the names of relatives if you search a name. There is a small fee involved.
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starting to come together. Stopped by main office of workplace, have email for her boss and HR manager. Other contacts starting to fall into place. Continuing efforts.
BH (me) - 40 WW-31
Married 4, together 12
DD 3
DDay (EA) - 8/17/12
Confronted/admitted - EA turned PA - 9/11/12
Exposed- 9/12/12
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Workplace exposure letter - be sure and send to 3 key people and cc each on the letter. Good targets would be the Director of Human Resources, a key VP and both affairee's supervisor. This can be sent via registered letter or even via email!
Developed by Brits Brat, board member and corporate attorney--
To Whom It May Concern:
This letter is to bring a matter to your attention that may be a violation of your Company's Code of Conduct and/or other policies, procedures and business ethics.
WS and WS are involved in an extramarital affair that is taking place, primarily, in the workplace. Aside from the potential sexual harassment claims this situation presents, it also involves the inappropriate use of company resources and assets. WS and WS are using company time and company resources to further their affair. If you check the call histories on their office and cell phones along with their workstation computers, you will find the two of them are spending an inordinate amount of what should be productive work time to further their sexual relationship.
If you have any questions, please call me at xxx-xxxx. Otherwise, I will anticipate a response from you once you have investigated these concerns and taken appropriate corrective action.
Regards, The content of Brad's letter seems to focus on the fact that what they are doing is taking away from the company and really says nothing about what it's doing to our relationship. Is this the appropriate "tempo" for a workplace letter? Should I not say something about saving my marriage and family and so on?
BH (me) - 40 WW-31
Married 4, together 12
DD 3
DDay (EA) - 8/17/12
Confronted/admitted - EA turned PA - 9/11/12
Exposed- 9/12/12
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They probably don't care about your relationship. It is obvious though that it is destroying it! Send this letter as it is to the employer. I think your exposure letters to family and friends should say, please help and that stuff. I know that someone will correct me if I am wrong!!
BS Me 47,WH 49
DS's x3 17, 10, 7
Multiple D-Days
No disclosure by WH. No EP's, no transparency, no guilt or remorse either.
Plan C DOES NOT WORK!
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They probably don't care about your relationship. It is obvious though that it is destroying it! Send this letter as it is to the employer. I think your exposure letters to family and friends should say, please help and that stuff. I know that someone will correct me if I am wrong!! I would agree. My advice to send the letter to numerous people in the workplace had in mind a letter that asked for help in breaking up the affair. It may be appropriate to send a "formal" one like the template to the company officers with a separate "help us out" one to any co-workers that may be able to intervene.
Last edited by Northwood8900; 09/12/12 03:19 PM.
Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
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BH (me) - 40 WW-31
Married 4, together 12
DD 3
DDay (EA) - 8/17/12
Confronted/admitted - EA turned PA - 9/11/12
Exposed- 9/12/12
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Posts: 514
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Northwood just said it right. Follow up formal letters to those who might be more influential or able to help is the way to go. So, will you get it ready and send it NOW? I wish I could hit the send button for you!!!! Taking this out of the darkness of secrecy and shining a light on the deceiptful adultry is the right thing to do!! It cannot stay hidden!!! She'll be mad. So, what? What about you and your family? What about your feelings and needs? She is in the wrong, now she will have to face the music.
BS Me 47,WH 49
DS's x3 17, 10, 7
Multiple D-Days
No disclosure by WH. No EP's, no transparency, no guilt or remorse either.
Plan C DOES NOT WORK!
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Workplace Exp. letter: To HR Manager:
This letter is to bring a matter to your attention that may be a violation of company Code of Conduct and/or other policies, procedures and business ethics.
My wife, WW and co-worker, POSOM, both working in the xx xx building (xx Floor 2, dept unknown) are involved in an extramarital affair that is taking place in the workplace. This has been going on since the beginning of August 2012, both on and off site. Aside from the potential sexual harassment claims this situation presents, it also involves the inappropriate use of company resources and assets. WW and POSOM are using company time and company resources to further their affair. If you check the call histories on their office and cell phones along with their workstation computers, you will find the two of them are spending an inordinate amount of what should be productive work time to further their relationship.
If you have any questions, please call me at xxxx. Otherwise, I will anticipate a response from you once you have investigated these concerns and taken appropriate corrective action.
Regards,
2L2L Few changes, basically used as is. Good?
BH (me) - 40 WW-31
Married 4, together 12
DD 3
DDay (EA) - 8/17/12
Confronted/admitted - EA turned PA - 9/11/12
Exposed- 9/12/12
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Northwood just said it right. Follow up formal letters to those who might be more influential or able to help is the way to go. So, will you get it ready and send it NOW? I wish I could hit the send button for you!!!! Taking this out of the darkness of secrecy and shining a light on the deceiptful adultry is the right thing to do!! It cannot stay hidden!!! She'll be mad. So, what? What about you and your family? What about your feelings and needs? She is in the wrong, now she will have to face the music. NOOOOOoooo problem doing this now. Just taking time to get all the info together for the all-at-once approach. Trying to get this done as fast as possible. I can wish it were done and ready to go now, but reality is, it unfortunately does take time to prepare the attack.
BH (me) - 40 WW-31
Married 4, together 12
DD 3
DDay (EA) - 8/17/12
Confronted/admitted - EA turned PA - 9/11/12
Exposed- 9/12/12
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Looks good.
Send it to more than one company officer, adding a "cc: Bill Smith" or whatever at the bottom.
You want each recipient to know that others got it so that it's not easily ignored. Drop a paper copy in the mail as well.
Last edited by Northwood8900; 09/12/12 03:33 PM.
Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
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