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His mother and HR are excellent targets. Run with it and if you find more tonight you can add it.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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ok. here goes.
Could use tips on dealing with aftermath. I know I read "I'm sorry you are so upset, have a cookie", but this can only be said so many times when she keeps asking me why I did it. Do I tell her I'm going to do whatever I have to to fight for my family and wife?
Avoid her, go someplace else? I'll try to read up on it, but could use help here.
BH (me) - 40 WW-31
Married 4, together 12
DD 3
DDay (EA) - 8/17/12
Confronted/admitted - EA turned PA - 9/11/12
Exposed- 9/12/12
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oh, real quick, any reason I should use my unknown (to her) email or just use my normal account for the emailings?
BH (me) - 40 WW-31
Married 4, together 12
DD 3
DDay (EA) - 8/17/12
Confronted/admitted - EA turned PA - 9/11/12
Exposed- 9/12/12
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Use your normal email and sign your full name with phone number.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I would get the keys and tell her she can't leave you home alone with no car again she can go cat around. That is unacceptable.
When she attacks you for exposing, don't make excuses or justifications. Don't fight, beg or plead. If she keeps it up, just leave the room.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Phone script for POSOM's Mom: My name is BS, it grieves me to have to call you about this, but I believe all of OM friends and family should know the kind of person he really is. OM has been having an affair with my wife, WW, from the beginning of this Aug. My wife and I have been together for 12 years and have a 4 year old daughter and this affair has almost wrecked our marriage.
I would be happy to provide proof of this affair to anyone who asks.
I am asking that you use your influence with OM to persuade him to leave my wife alone so we can save our marriage and our family.
Thank you, BH Is the "kind of person he really is" part going to be too offensive to the mother? Essentially attacking the type of children she's raised. Will this not just piss her off, and blame my WW? What do I do if she turns it around and puts it all on my WW?
Last edited by 2little_2late; 09/12/12 04:39 PM.
BH (me) - 40 WW-31
Married 4, together 12
DD 3
DDay (EA) - 8/17/12
Confronted/admitted - EA turned PA - 9/11/12
Exposed- 9/12/12
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You are wise to not insult her son to her. Just ask for her help and ask her to speak to him.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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HR, coworkers- exposed.
Need to call OM Mom and do FB exposure. Should be easy only 9 contacts on WW side. Still unable to find one for POSOM.
Waiting for email on WW Sister. Parents know now their daughter is not the type of girl they thought she was. First place I went after last nights confrontation was to their house. Her mom seemed shocked and thought WW said she had sex w/OM out of anger. I will print them out a letter and give it to them to make it official I guess. Likely they (or at least her Mom) will be pissed about making this public. I dunno.
BH (me) - 40 WW-31
Married 4, together 12
DD 3
DDay (EA) - 8/17/12
Confronted/admitted - EA turned PA - 9/11/12
Exposed- 9/12/12
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So, her mom didn't have a problem with her daughter having sex with another man b/c she was angry with you? It doesn't matter what you have done/not done or that she is angry/resentful at/of you!!! There is NO excuse for her to handle the problem(s) by turning to another man and having an affair or having sex with another man? Turning outside the marriage will NEVER fix the problems in the marriage. So, what did you say to her mother when she said that?
BS Me 47,WH 49
DS's x3 17, 10, 7
Multiple D-Days
No disclosure by WH. No EP's, no transparency, no guilt or remorse either.
Plan C DOES NOT WORK!
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Already got two replies back from the cubicle mates. One response: With the deepest respect I will honor your request.
You and your family have my support. The other: Sorry to hear about your situation, I don't know anything about the affair but it's definitely wrong of WW to do that. If she consoles in me and asks for my opinion then I will do my best to help, otherwise I don't want to be in the middle of it as it's a very personal matter. You have a very tough situation and I genuinely hope it all works out in the end.
BH (me) - 40 WW-31
Married 4, together 12
DD 3
DDay (EA) - 8/17/12
Confronted/admitted - EA turned PA - 9/11/12
Exposed- 9/12/12
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So, her mom didn't have a problem with her daughter having sex with another man b/c she was angry with you? It doesn't matter what you have done/not done or that she is angry/resentful at/of you!!! There is NO excuse for her to handle the problem(s) by turning to another man and having an affair or having sex with another man? Turning outside the marriage will NEVER fix the problems in the marriage. So, what did you say to her mother when she said that? No, she just didn't want to believe that her daughter could do such a thing and maybe said she had sex with OM out of anger. Her Mom thinks she didn't raise "trashy" kind of women. I told her emphatically with swear words, that is F'n true, believe it. She's not the daughter you think she is.
BH (me) - 40 WW-31
Married 4, together 12
DD 3
DDay (EA) - 8/17/12
Confronted/admitted - EA turned PA - 9/11/12
Exposed- 9/12/12
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Good for you, 2 little!!! Take a deep breath!! Stand tall, she's gonna blow her top and blame you every way from Sunday. Don't listen to her fogbabble!!!! No more hiding behind secrecy! Killing the affair is your first and primary objective!! Her responses to your demands are hers and hopefully, you will be strong enough to deal with them as they come. Stay strong!!!
BS Me 47,WH 49
DS's x3 17, 10, 7
Multiple D-Days
No disclosure by WH. No EP's, no transparency, no guilt or remorse either.
Plan C DOES NOT WORK!
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Really need to figure out exactly how to deal with the approaching storm. What to say, what not to say.....
BH (me) - 40 WW-31
Married 4, together 12
DD 3
DDay (EA) - 8/17/12
Confronted/admitted - EA turned PA - 9/11/12
Exposed- 9/12/12
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OM's mom - just got VM. Leave one? Didn't, but should I?
BH (me) - 40 WW-31
Married 4, together 12
DD 3
DDay (EA) - 8/17/12
Confronted/admitted - EA turned PA - 9/11/12
Exposed- 9/12/12
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You don't need to fight!! You don't need to justify your actions! One thing you can say is that you want to give your marriage every chance to recover. There can be no recovery if she is in a active affair. Tell her that her secrecy enabled the affair, so shining a light on it gives her a choice to do the right thing now. Tell her that you are done enabling her. You deserve better. Your children deserve better. She has a choice to make as she can't have him while being married to you. Tell her if she chooses him, she is on her own. She is going to be steaming and not really a person who can be reasoned with, so if you can, just think of her as in a crazed state and that you don't have to get emotionally invested in the argument. Just don't. It is matter of fact. Later, you will get emotional.
BS Me 47,WH 49
DS's x3 17, 10, 7
Multiple D-Days
No disclosure by WH. No EP's, no transparency, no guilt or remorse either.
Plan C DOES NOT WORK!
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While that sounds good, it also sounds like justification, and I know her response will of course be fogbabble. I guess I'm looking for the one or two sentences to reply to "WTH were you thinking, why did you tell everyone. What do you think you were going to accomplish with this" type of questions.
So far, I've read "Sorry you are so upset, heres a cookie". Think I've read something to the extent of I'm going to do whatever it takes to fight for my wife and family, and another I think I read was something like "if the affair is such a good and wonderful thing, you should want everyone to know about it."
Really wanting short answers here, as obviously there will be no reasoning with WW nor calming her down. I'm planning to just disappear I think for the night. Bummer is, I have to go pick her up from work in about 2hours.
BH (me) - 40 WW-31
Married 4, together 12
DD 3
DDay (EA) - 8/17/12
Confronted/admitted - EA turned PA - 9/11/12
Exposed- 9/12/12
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Why should you disappear? You've done nothing wrong and you need to stand firm and not leave your house or your daughter.
Me: 30
Him: 39
Together 5 years
Married the very best man in the world 04/06/2013 after being common law for too long. I'm a lucky woman.
7 Cats - Viscount Ashley of Leftfield, Pawkie Petunia, The Timinator, Leo the Lionheart, Fruit Snack, Cloud, and Barret
And our very lucky pony, Starbucks
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"I will do whatever it takes to save our marriage."
Rinse, repeat...
Good Luck!
Me BS
H FWS
DDay 10/2007
Actively recovering, learning, loving, earning a better marriage!
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Why should you disappear? You've done nothing wrong and you need to stand firm and not leave your house or your daughter. Primarily because it would force her to stay home. I feel fairly certain she will just run to OM first chance she gets. I dunno, maybe not. Every time we have a serious talk or fight, first thing she does is get to texting or calling him. Secondarily, to avoid the wrath.
BH (me) - 40 WW-31
Married 4, together 12
DD 3
DDay (EA) - 8/17/12
Confronted/admitted - EA turned PA - 9/11/12
Exposed- 9/12/12
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Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Really wanting short answers here, as obviously there will be no reasoning with WW nor calming her down. I'm planning to just disappear I think for the night. Bummer is, I have to go pick her up from work in about 2hours. No, don't disappear. Just tell her you were spreading the news of her affair and ask "is there something wrong with that?" Tell her you won't be keeping it a secret and leave it at that. Don't overthink this. There are no right words when it comes to dealing with a WW. Did you speak to her mother? Did you expose to her family yet? Don't give her a heads up about your exposure to the OM's mother or human resources. Let her find out on her own.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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