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Why should you disappear? You've done nothing wrong and you need to stand firm and not leave your house or your daughter. Primarily because it would force her to stay home. I feel fairly certain she will just run to OM first chance she gets. I dunno, maybe not. Every time we have a serious talk or fight, first thing she does is get to texting or calling him. Secondarily, to avoid the wrath. Hide the keys.You don't get stuck home as babysitter with no car while she cats around like an alley cat in heat. If she wants to do that, she can walk or take a cab. But you and your child should not be left carless so she can go chase some scumbag. And if she starts texting or calling the OM, tell her to "take your affair conversation out of our home. This is our home and is no place for our affair!"
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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exposed to Sister, and parents last night. But to parents was immediately following the confrontation and realization she had sex with OM. Oh yea :rolleyes:
BH (me) - 40 WW-31
Married 4, together 12
DD 3
DDay (EA) - 8/17/12
Confronted/admitted - EA turned PA - 9/11/12
Exposed- 9/12/12
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Honestly, right now, I don't want to look at her, see her, hear her, ......
BH (me) - 40 WW-31
Married 4, together 12
DD 3
DDay (EA) - 8/17/12
Confronted/admitted - EA turned PA - 9/11/12
Exposed- 9/12/12
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exposed to Sister, and parents last night. But to parents was immediately following the confrontation and realization she had sex with OM. Oh yea :rolleyes: And what was her parents response?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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exposed to Sister, and parents last night. But to parents was immediately following the confrontation and realization she had sex with OM. Oh yea :rolleyes: And what was her parents response? Well, it wasn't really a formal "exposure" so much as it was "your daughter F's other men" and telling her Mom that she was dead wrong in the "Trust her" ideology. I wasn't there physically or mentally long enough for it to be a real exposure. I plan to give them a copy of my letter tonight. I don't know what they will do, I'm not holding my breath though.
BH (me) - 40 WW-31
Married 4, together 12
DD 3
DDay (EA) - 8/17/12
Confronted/admitted - EA turned PA - 9/11/12
Exposed- 9/12/12
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Left VM on what I hope is POSOM's Moms voicemail. Said I was looking for her (name) and hoping she had a son named POSOM that lived in Tacoma. If it was right number, please call me back. Haven't heard anything. REALLY hoping it's her, as the only one on POSOM's side that I've exposed to is the HR department.
BH (me) - 40 WW-31
Married 4, together 12
DD 3
DDay (EA) - 8/17/12
Confronted/admitted - EA turned PA - 9/11/12
Exposed- 9/12/12
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exposed to Sister, and parents last night. But to parents was immediately following the confrontation and realization she had sex with OM. Oh yea :rolleyes: And what was her parents response? Well, it wasn't really a formal "exposure" so much as it was "your daughter F's other men" and telling her Mom that she was dead wrong in the "Trust her" ideology. I wasn't there physically or mentally long enough for it to be a real exposure. I plan to give them a copy of my letter tonight. I don't know what they will do, I'm not holding my breath though. Hand them the letter and say with heartfelt sincerity: "your daughter has admitted to me she is having a sexual affair with Joe Scumdawg. I am asking for your help - for your grandson's sake - to persuade her to stop her affair. Me and son need your support. Can we count on you?"
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Left VM on what I hope is POSOM's Moms voicemail. Said I was looking for her (name) and hoping she had a son named POSOM that lived in Tacoma. If it was right number, please call me back. Haven't heard anything. REALLY hoping it's her, as the only one on POSOM's side that I've exposed to is the HR department. Does the mother have a facebook page? Do you have her home address?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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So glad to hear of your exposure. You are in great hands here.
"Get busy living, or get busy dying"...... The Shawshank Redemption.
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Well, it wasn't really a formal "exposure" so much as it was "your daughter F's other men" and telling her Mom that she was dead wrong in the "Trust her" ideology. 2L2L. Exposure is about asking for support and help in stopping WW from her destructive actions. Don't make it mean and spiteful. That will only be turned against your own character.
ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008
Recovered
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Well, it wasn't really a formal "exposure" so much as it was "your daughter F's other men" and telling her Mom that she was dead wrong in the "Trust her" ideology. 2L2L. Exposure is about asking for support and help in stopping WW from her destructive actions. Don't make it mean and spiteful. That will only be turned against your own character. pokerface is exactly right, 2l2l. I would suggest you apologize to them for your angry outburst. They are a victim, just as you and DS are.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Why should you disappear? You've done nothing wrong and you need to stand firm and not leave your house or your daughter. Primarily because it would force her to stay home. I feel fairly certain she will just run to OM first chance she gets. I dunno, maybe not. Every time we have a serious talk or fight, first thing she does is get to texting or calling him. Secondarily, to avoid the wrath. Hide the keys.You don't get stuck home as babysitter with no car while she cats around like an alley cat in heat. If she wants to do that, she can walk or take a cab. But you and your child should not be left carless so she can go chase some scumbag. And if she starts texting or calling the OM, tell her to "take your affair conversation out of our home. This is our home and is no place for our affair!" You're going to have to face her, stand your ground, and not avoid this. I second ML's hide the keys. Or better yet hide the car battery if you can't get the keys. 
Me: 30
Him: 39
Together 5 years
Married the very best man in the world 04/06/2013 after being common law for too long. I'm a lucky woman.
7 Cats - Viscount Ashley of Leftfield, Pawkie Petunia, The Timinator, Leo the Lionheart, Fruit Snack, Cloud, and Barret
And our very lucky pony, Starbucks
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So far, I've read "Sorry you are so upset, heres a cookie". Think I've read something to the extent of I'm going to do whatever it takes to fight for my wife and family, and another I think I read was something like "if the affair is such a good and wonderful thing, you should want everyone to know about it."
Really wanting short answers here, as obviously there will be no reasoning with WW nor calming her down. I'm planning to just disappear I think for the night. Bummer is, I have to go pick her up from work in about 2hours. These quotes are perfect, although I never suggest the 'have a cookie' thing - it sounds dismissive. Other than that, let her know that you are AT WAR; not in those words, but using phrases like "I will do whatever it takes to save this marriage." You're not going to be able to reason with her. She's an addict. Stay solid and strong and let her no that there is nothing you won't do to save your marriage.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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No, she just didn't want to believe that her daughter could do such a thing and maybe said she had sex with OM out of anger. Her Mom thinks she didn't raise "trashy" kind of women. WWs mother is trying to avoid some misguided sense of responsibility for her daughter's behavior. Reassure her that she is not responsible for her adult daughter's choices and ask for her support.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Primarily because it would force her to stay home. I feel fairly certain she will just run to OM first chance she gets. I dunno, maybe not. Every time we have a serious talk or fight, first thing she does is get to texting or calling him.
Secondarily, to avoid the wrath. Wouldn't she have left you already? Obviously there is a reason why she is staying with you, or she would have left you by now. There is a reason she is not running off to OM. That reason right now is probably your DD. Make sure your WW knows that she will NOT be taking your daughter ANYWHERE. Your daughter will be staying WITH YOU. Let her know that you will file for divorce and go for complete custody of your daughter. You will not allow your daughter to be around OM. You will request the court to grant you child support. Let her know that reality bites when you're a wayward.
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"I'm sorry that you're upset about others knowing of your affair, but I'm not going to get into an argument with you over it."
Then leave the room. Whenever she tries to start something, just call out the behavior and tell her that you're not going to let her drag you into a fight over it.
You did great, by the way!
Stay home! If she wants to leave, fine, let her leave.
Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
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You're going to have to face her, stand your ground, and not avoid this.
I second ML's hide the keys. Or better yet hide the car battery if you can't get the keys. Yes, that is true, but considering it was less than 24 hours ago that I found out my wife of 12 years let someone have sex with her, a month after they met makes me sick to look at her and be around her. Went to pick her up from work, and she acts like everything is normal. Not the slightest sign that she feels bad for ripping my heart out. Especially when she knows that my ex-ww did exact same thing to me 3 times. Only this time it's worse, as we have a child together, my ex and I never did, THANK GOD! Anyway, made her drop me off, her and DD went to store. I didn't want to be around her. Not one mention of any exposure, so I guess nobody has talked to her yet. Kinda bums me out actually.
BH (me) - 40 WW-31
Married 4, together 12
DD 3
DDay (EA) - 8/17/12
Confronted/admitted - EA turned PA - 9/11/12
Exposed- 9/12/12
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Primarily because it would force her to stay home. I feel fairly certain she will just run to OM first chance she gets. I dunno, maybe not. Every time we have a serious talk or fight, first thing she does is get to texting or calling him.
Secondarily, to avoid the wrath. Wouldn't she have left you already? Obviously there is a reason why she is staying with you, or she would have left you by now. There is a reason she is not running off to OM. That reason right now is probably your DD. Make sure your WW knows that she will NOT be taking your daughter ANYWHERE. Your daughter will be staying WITH YOU. Let her know that you will file for divorce and go for complete custody of your daughter. You will not allow your daughter to be around OM. You will request the court to grant you child support. Let her know that reality bites when you're a wayward. Told her last night after demanding to stop the affair, and she just stated she wanted a divorce anyway, I said that I was going to sue her for adultery, subpoena him, phone records, email accounts, and go for full custody. She replied with a surprised "Are you threatening me?", to which I simply replied, it's not a threat, it's what I'm going to do.
BH (me) - 40 WW-31
Married 4, together 12
DD 3
DDay (EA) - 8/17/12
Confronted/admitted - EA turned PA - 9/11/12
Exposed- 9/12/12
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Posts: 235
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Well, it wasn't really a formal "exposure" so much as it was "your daughter F's other men" and telling her Mom that she was dead wrong in the "Trust her" ideology. 2L2L. Exposure is about asking for support and help in stopping WW from her destructive actions. Don't make it mean and spiteful. That will only be turned against your own character. pokerface is exactly right, 2l2l. I would suggest you apologize to them for your angry outburst. They are a victim, just as you and DS are. I went over there, basically pissed because against my better judgment, I trusted WW Mom about the whole "Trust Her" (WW) thing. First thing I said to her was "You were wrong. She's had sex with him". Probably not the best time to have gone over there. I literally went from the confrontation, next door, and told them about it, and then left. I was in no state of mind to be doing a "exposure" at the time. Right way to do it, probably not, but I expect they should understand considering the wonderful news I was just given. F'd thing about it is, they haven't even called to ask me how I was doing since.
BH (me) - 40 WW-31
Married 4, together 12
DD 3
DDay (EA) - 8/17/12
Confronted/admitted - EA turned PA - 9/11/12
Exposed- 9/12/12
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Told her last night after demanding to stop the affair, and she just stated she wanted a divorce anyway, I said that I was going to sue her for adultery, subpoena him, phone records, email accounts, and go for full custody. She replied with a surprised "Are you threatening me?", to which I simply replied, it's not a threat, it's what I'm going to do. perfect! Now, where is your wife tonight?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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