Is that a LB? Acting, well it's not acting, but not wanting to be around her so soon after discovery? I don't think so. It was kind of nice being so busy getting exposure done all day today, kind of kept my mind off of the "news", but now that - that's done, it's sinking back in again, and F'n painful.

SAD

They (WW & DD) went to the grocery store.

I understand completely.

and to think, if I'd listened to her Mom and NOT put the recorder in there last Saturday, she'd still be lying, trying to convince me I'm crazy. One of the best feelings ever was when I asked her about Saturday, she lied, and I confronted her with the facts. Gloves off at that point, and it was only then that she started telling the truth. So glad I had that proof!

So WW is just walkin' around like nothing ever happened. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore and asked her, "how can you just walk around like nothing's happened?". She replied, what should I do, how am I supposed to act? To which I said "well, showing some remorse would be nice" > "I've already done all my remorse" and some other BS that I didn't hear due to the lack of compassion.

Is this just the person who is not my W speaking? I'm sure it's likely normal, but while I wished I was in a coma all day, she's runnin' around just fine as can be.

Sorry for your pain.

If I see her, it makes me sick, I can't stop envisioning things I never thought I would. If I avoid her, isn't that just giving her what she wants. All the free time to text him at will. She had told me a few days ago that "what i think happened didn't" and that "I kinda want you to think that so you will move on and let me move on"
I don't know my point, just trying to deal with this BullS***. Been just about 24hours since I found out. F!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you Brain. At least someone can apologize and sympathize. I know most of you here have all probably been through this. As have I, but god, that was 13-14 years ago (ex WW), plenty of time to heal and forget how it feels.

You need to think of it as an alien walking around in your wife's body.
It looks like her. But it's someone else.
Try to view it as being a character in a movie

It hurts just as bad no matter when you find out. We've had posters find out years after the affair and it's just as painful.

From a legal standpoint I need to tell you DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HOME!

My wife would spend nights away because she hated me and wanted to be with OM. During custody evaluation, the court looked very unfavorably upon her leaving the marital home and named it as one of three reasons for granting me full custody during the divorce process.

Courts look at what parent is most stable for the kids. And they should. Leaving your home is not stable for your kid. Your kid needs you. Children know when there is marital conflict and it's like WOrld War to their lives. Please be an anchor to your child.

Remember to take care of yourself.
Eat and drink regularly.
Stay away from alcohol.
Use sleeping pills if you need to and visit your family doctor and tell doctor what is going on. They can perceive meds for any anxiety/ sleep disorder/ depression

At this point you also need to have a hidden voice recorder on you at all times.
Sometimes women will falsely accuse men of rape, assault etc to Get them out of the home. In your case, assume her parents may be willing to lie for her.

I would encourage you to stop discussing any strategy with her parents.

Do not tell anyone about this website

Brainhurts reposted this good post from '08 in another current thread, I found this disturbingly familiar:


Funny, that's exactly what I felt last night. I told my WW, "you see that?" (pointed at the floor), "Do you see this?" (pointed at myself), "this is what it looks like when you rip someone's heart out, throw it on the ground, and stomp it into the ground."

She started listening to this statement looking right at me, but by the time I got to the "...rip heart out...." she looked had to look away from me.
____________________

One thing I thought of, what should the reply be to "how many people (or who all) did you tell?" [regarding exposure]?

I've been following along and you are getting great advice.

Just wanted to chime in here as I experienced a similar avoidance (as other BS's have). I expected a screaming wayward, but instead got... pretty much silence.

After exposure my WH text me a bit of a tantrum threatening D ASAP. Over the coming weeks he kept texting me that "we needed to talk". However, he avoided me like the plague (pretty easy since we are in different countries), and when he did phone he would discuss everything but the A; what was on TV, work, the book I was reading, even the WEATHER Never the A or my exposure. So don't think your WW is doing anything out of the ordinary.

When a wayward changes their beliefs to suit their actions... they will not feel remorse. IMO, this is what the fog is. Sacrificing beliefs to justify actions.

Many women never express empathy.
dr Harley explains this is SAA

When she asks about exposure.
And she will ....expect her to be angry.
Stay calm.
Say something like "OM is a danger to marriages and married people have a right to know so they can protect their marriages from him"

Or "I am willing to work with you to create a loving and healthy marriage where both of our needs are met"

At this point you don't get into further conversation. Conversation about the affair results is massive Love bank withdrawals.

Posters will advise you to offer her a cookie and walk away. When I was first advised that I thought it was a joke. But I started doing it. I would offer her a glass of juice. Example:

Wife "I can't believe you betrayed me by contacting my friends on Facebook. This is between us, not them. "

Response: "I just bought some vegetable juice. It's the store brand but it tastes like V8. Would you like a glass?"

Don't get drawn into discussions about the affair. Another statement you've probably heard 100000 times:

Wife: "I don't know what you think you're doing. I'm worried about your mental health. You are imagining that in still having an affair. "

Response: "would you like a glass of juice?"

Or

Wife: "you can't stop people from being in love."

Response: "NCIS is on tonight. Would you like to watch it with me?"

Hey my brother in pain. Just wanted to say I get what you are going through right now. DDay for me was March 2011 and I will never forget the day my heart was ripped out of my chest.

I too struggled mightily to regain my sanity, stability and just come to terms that this is reality. Some days you just don't know which way was up.

Unlike you, I didn�t have this forum with others which I could relate to. I felt so isolated in my pain not knowing if what I was experiencing was �normal� under these circumstances or not. Was I crazy??? What the hell is going on with my mind and my body??

Truth is my friend, you are experiencing emotions that you have never experienced before. Some days I would set a goal to just get through the next 2 minutes, then I would go for 5..then most of the time back to 2. I had been married 14 years with 2 children when I found out about my W�s adultery. We have been together since early 1992. I was just floored and absolutely devastated.

I would encourage you to read in the recovery forum about false recovery stories. This might help you gain some perspective in your current mental state to hear what some of us would have done differently when we were where you are at now. I would have done several things much differently right after dday if I would have had this resource to better understand what works and what doesn�t work.

SAA was a god send for me. Staying close to my family and friends helped. Please try to eat and sleep right now best you can. If you can get to the gym or exercise at home, this might help too. I tried AD�s early on and they didn�t agree with me so I backed off. Wish I would have asked the Dr. to prescribe something else like Wellbutrin.

Focusing on yourself right now is my advice. She is crazy out of her mind. Hopefully her sanity will return but for now an alien has abducted her.

Good vibes your way ~~~~

Hidden Voice recorder

Find one at radio shack or walmart

Protect yourself

The lack of remorse from a WW is incrediblly mentally painfull

Think about AD, Welbutrin does work, first hand experience, takes a while and not too many side effects......

Its just to get you over the early stuff, I needed it about 3/4 year.....

Not wanted it, needed it

Take care of yourself, eat, sleep, offer cookies or juice when the wierd stuff comes out of her mouth!

Oh dont leave your home, lawyer said you will never get back

And sleep in your bed, it is way more comfortable than the couch!