All is still going well for me. The bricks are going up... two walls are partially complete.

But the legal sitch is a thorn in my side.

My solicitor contacted Gollum's last week. Pretty much stating that we had been asking for financial docs to finalise settlement for four months and he still had not provided them. She gave four days for a response in this letter.

Gollum's solicitor responded that Gollum had an appointment with him the next day. That was last week. I still have not had any response. I guess I am impatient... I want this over.

Gollum has been dragging his heels all along on the property matters. Part of me feels anxious about what he is going to pull and worries he is building his resources for a counterattack. It will just be easier when I no longer have to think about this.

I have been considering giving up on the settlement just so I don't have to think of it anymore. Or maybe even bluffing that I will take it to Court (something I really can't afford).

Maybe I just have to hang in there for a while longer?

Expect nothing good, noble, or civilized from him, C. Plan for the court-fight, and in your solicitor's letter making that known, you should specify that you'll be seeking, as part of that settlement, court costs from him for the delay he has fostered.

Thanks NG.

I don't want to bluff and escalate the situation if this is not where I want to go.

If I threaten Court, I will have the means (somehow???) to follow through. I know somehow I would manage, I have read of others who do it on MB with more limited means and kids to support. But it will have a serious impact on me financially... more debt. Do I want this? I don't have kids and can walk away right now, with no more ties to him. Free.

So I am weighing up what is in my best interests. Emotionally and financially, now and longer term.

And cheers for the tip on getting him to pay Court costs. I will ask my solicitor about this so I can make an informed decision.

What kind of counter attack is possible? I dont know your legal process, but surely the court simply looks at the facts and makes a ruling based on what's fair. It not his actions/participation that would be a problem - but his lack of participation, isn't it?

I could be misunderstanding, though.

Courts in Aus deem that without kids both spouses are entitled to 50 / 50. I would be happy with this.

My hesitancy is that H received an inheritance during our marriage. Now, if we had sunk this into a mortgage, there would be no issue. But we didn't. Aus Courts do not treat inheritances as 50 / 50.

I am hesitant for this to go to Court as a result. About the ONLY thing I did right in Plan A, was my stick with the inheritance. We split it 50 / 50. Part of me was listening to MB guidance, thankfully.

Gollum could pursue up to 75% of the inheritance. Leaving me 25% out of pocket.

Re-reading that, it seems that according to Aus Courts, Gollum is unfairly out of pocket.

This may or may not be the case. I am unsure because Gollum has not provided the necessary financial docs and is being dishonest.

During Plan A, I (mistakenly for any newbies) sold my assets and deposited half in his account.

Gollum has also sold marital assets and I have not received a dime, although he promised to pay on numerous occasions. Indeed, if he had paid for the one asset I was asking for, I would not have pursued the legal avenue. When he refused in February to pay the promised money (after 7 months!), I thought enough was enough. He later sold the assets undervalued. I am suspicious about this.

Gollum has also "undersold" marital property for 1 / 10 the price to a "friend". I suspect he has not really sold it, just a friend is willing to perjure himself that he has.

I have provided all retirement funds to Gollum at his request. He provided me one account... with snooping I found two others. He has still to provide me with documents about this even though my solicitor has called him on it, numerous times.

I also still have marital debt. He does not.

So, it is up to me whether the legal costs would be worth pursuing. It would be easier if I had a clearer view on Gollum's finances that he keeps hiding.

In that case I concur with NG. If he thinks he has all the time in the world to hide cash and sell stuff and get a plan together, you should make him believe that the delay will cost him in other ways. Run it past your lawyer.

I've contacted my solicitor, she is on leave so I will try to catch up with her before I leave on holiday. No suprises, Gollum may have had his legal appointment nearly two weeks ago, but there has been no response. He is playing for time.

As for me... This time next week I will be at the airport ready to fly out for China!!!

My house is coming along well... the bricklayers should finish tomorrow and the plasterers are waiting so they can then move in.

I still haven't heard about getting an ongoing position in my work, but I still have my fingers crossed. Work is flat out, and I am loving it. Glad that I have gotten myself in a position where emotional health wise, I can cope with the increased work load.

I heard from a friend of Gollum's and I recently... we met this friend and her boyfriend whilst travelling in Africa. Oddly enough, I always sensed something about her. Well, when I responded to her with an update of Gollum's A (she was not on my exposure list and has no contact with Gollum) out it came. She was betrayed by her WXH in a horrific way, far worse than my circumstances. What struck me was that pre-betrayed, I KNEW something had gone wrong for her, but couldn't figure it out. I admired her, but also got that hint that something was... I don't know.. different. In my pre-betrayed comfort / arrogance, I would maybe have coined it as cynicism? Or maybe even bitterness? Gollum and I discussed it... wondering why she viewed life as she did.

It got me thinking... do I now stick out for others?

I think I probably do. I have gotten used to having those conversations where people just get so uncomfortable. I even had someone email me today after they contacted and I replied that Gollum was having an A and had an OC with OW...."I hope you are BOTH doing well and happy". WTH????

I know I stick out too! People are always giving me funny looks when I say things. But not as funny as the looks I give them! My parents very sedate looking neighbour told me the other day I probably wouldn't bother getting married again, she assumed I'd just live with the next guy! I put her straight.

I feel years older than people older than me and I kind of like it. I can see where they are going to trip up and I hope they remember my subtle cautions when they do. I too had classed people as cynical in the past and I now think they're geniuses!

10-1 they're wayward.

Have a wonderful trip.

Sounds like your house is really coming along nicely. It will be wonderful when you get settled in and wake up in your own home. It is such a fuzzy warm feeling of accomplishment.

I know what you mean by feeling like you stick out at times.

I agree. He just got engaged too

And thanks for making me feel normal.

" To boldly go where no human has been meant to go before" Cara

The world is full of them, callous people who ignore the realities of other people pain, and take the attitude, " Well I hope they will be allright, I'll just play dumb"

But of course, what they play, can certainly take them over.

Yeah I agree with Indie, Waywards in the making

You learn who your friends are huh?

I don't know if it's wayward or screwed up moral compass or it is just the new PC attitude "we don't want to judge" when hearing that adultery is the reason for the breakup of a family and marriage.

We were good friends with a married couple who are both teachers at the kids' school, they have three kids, very nice wholesome people....

xWH went over their house after dday last year for a supposed playdate for the kids, but really to use their phone to call OW3 (he didn't want it to come up on his cell phone records). I confronted this "friend" about allowing xWH to use their phone to call OW3. He stammered and stuttered and the phone "accidentally" disconnected. He later apologized to me and said he was put in a bad spot and wished happiness for us both.

No suprise that since that time this couple has fully supported xWH, his relationship with OW4, even after I told them kids were really upset about her and that xWH had been blowing off visitation for weeks for her...they are both FB friends with xWH and OW4...

FB defriended this couple and obviously don't hang out/talk to them anymore. If they ask me when I see them at the school I will say something like thanks but no thanks!

Congrat on the house by the way.

Oh my god that is VILE. Like renting out his spare bed to them. But it happened to me too. 'I don't want to take sides and I'm still going to be his friend' one friend said to me. Friendship lovebanks are pretty high, sometimes I think.

'Ok that's your call' I replied 'I actually think he needs good friends. A good friend will tell him he's being a wretch'. He agreed in fairness. Then I warned him to never leave his wife around WH. I don't think the friendship lasted the year.

There were other friends who never made contact. Who lied for the APs. Nice well heeled people with sweet little families. But how long will they hold it all together with weak values like that?

I always wonder what I should say if my path ever crosses these 'friends' again. I already know they will look like rabbits in headlights. I just don't know what I will say.



This is what I am more grateful for than anything. The best lesson learned. Its not just weeding out old bad friends but it works on new people too. Like I've been given a new stronger pair of eyes and can see through people now.

Yeah Susie, prolly the new attitude and a damaged moral compass at least

Caused me to remember the saying," He that is a slave. To the compass, is a master of the seas"

Good job on dealing with those people on FB BTW

I have indeed. And I am grateful and better off for it.

Thanks Susie. And congrats on getting rid of the toxics. Initially I found this very hard to do, but I am getting better and better at weeding out the wayward wannabees.

I ask myself this all too often.

I see weak values and boundaries on a daily basis. Clients, associates, colleagues, friends, even some family members

I am amazed at how many buy into the pursuit of happiness mentality, and that this needs to be immediate happiness. This is addiction mentality at its finest.

I view it as hamster in the wheel

I've been reflecting a lot on this idea of people not wanting to judge, and talked about it at lunch with a friend yesterday. It's something that really bothers me as a BW, because I would like some accountability/ condemnation. I haven't quite figured out how to get past my frustration about this

hi cara. i've just popped in to wish you well on your trip! i am looking at a website right now for ningaloo reef, so maybe i'll be in your neck of the woods sometime next year :O) (well, passing through, anyhow).

enjoy the heck out of your trip and enjoy all of the adventure.