2little,

Have you had all your questions answered? If so then you need to stop asking.

Please listen to this fantastic show where Dr. H tells the BH to "stop talking about the affair". They are also going to move. Tell us what you think.
Radio clip
Segment #2
Segment #3
Segment #4

Brain,

Are you thinking of rrr's thread where they are moving away?

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2661269

2little still has an active affair on his hands.

So early on in this it is extraordinarily difficult not to bring up the A.

At 10mo's into R I finally got it. I have a very hard head.

What I want is all thoughts of the OM OUT of her mind. I want it to be a fading memory. I want that POS out of our lives in every way, shape and form.

What I get now is that every time I bring up the A�POS LIVES AGAIN. Not just to me but to her. How can that POS die? (the legal way that is).. By not ever bringing it up again.

Hard as hell. Yep. But weigh the consequences.

No the show was KGaa12 and his wife.

Oh ok, just some momentary confusion over here.

It happens!

Have you done exposure yet?

Thanks Brain, I listened, and it does shed some light on the matter. Though, they are in a much different situation than I am since my WW affair is in full swing, whereas the couple on the clips have already committed to NC and fixing their marriage. So, 1. I just found out this went PA 3 days ago. and 2. I'm sure somewhere I read that at some point there needs to be a talk, a one time talk, where I ask any and all questions regarding the A. Now is probably not that time to do that, so I must listen to the advice and not bring up the A right now.

Exposure was done, but emails bounced back from the HR dept, and two of the co-workers I reached out to I believe are only there in support by means of "thinking of you and hoping for the best" type of thing. I have to do more work and get the word out to some more people and talk to her Parents about them persuading her to stop this.

On the way to work the morn. my WW seemed down, and in thinking mode. Not sure why. I just tried to strike up some neutral conversation and that seemed to work. Last night, before the text "who care's "fight"" I had gone to the store to get her medication for her and this morning made her breakfast for work. I was surprised when she texted me "Thank you for getting my med's and making me breakfast". Don't know what it means, but I take it to mean she see's that even in light of what I know, I still show I care. Thoughts?

And Brain, I am 100% sure that I have not had all my questions answered yet. I thought that was why this board is here. Now if I am asking the same questions over and over again, I can only assume it is because I am either slipping into the doubt side of things and/or need reassurance. I'm sorry if I'm asking too many questions, but as I'm sure you and we all know, it's a difficult time, and questions come up constantly. I appreciate everyone's help.

I'm reasonably sure that Brain meant "have you had all of your questions about the affair answered by your wife" and not stop asking us questions. Meaning that, once into recovery, you get all of the affair questions out and done with instead of repeatedly revisiting the subject and reopening the wound.

Obviously, you aren't quite there yet but I'd hazard a guess that your WW is more open to reconciliation than some others on here. She hasn't left and is, it seems, just open enough to receiving $LB deposits from you to the point that it's making her guilty/uncomfortable in doing so.

Keep up the Plan A and wrap up this exposure. The emails/letters went to HR, correct?

Yes that is what I meant. Once you're both committed to recovery.

Oh, yeah, that makes more sense. But no, we haven't got to that point yet. In the meantime, I'll stop all talk regarding OM and A, but I'm terrified of the next time she decides to "go out" as I will be sitting at home horrified that she is/will be having sex with him. It's like Indecent Proposal, only I'm not getting a million dollars, and she actually went through with it. Is it normal for a WW to continue to have sex once the BH knows that she's already done it, or do they feel too guilty to do it again? Don't know if I really want to hear the answer though.

This helps me be optimistic in this trouble time. THANK YOU! Oh, and yes, new emails went out this morning, letters going out today. Need to reach out to a few more people. As I said before our circle of friends and relatives is very small. And I've had ZERO luck finding anything on POSOM.

Also 2little is she still in contact with her OM? How is she doing this?

Workplace exposure successful:

Well, JUST received a text "Really? You want to screw with my job? I'm supporting your [censored]."

ugggh

suggested response?

"You probably spit in my b-fast too huh? You're a [censored]."

Just replied with "I'll do whatever it takes to save our marriage and family"

Not expecting a warm inviting response.

I'm sorry that you're upset that others know about your adultery, but I'm not going to let you drag me into an argument over it.

Then hang up, leave the room, whatever you need to do.

Good freaking job, by the way! I wonder what they said to her!

Just remember the first Wayward Rule--

When someone catches onto your schemes, make up some random bullsh*t (like spitting in breakfast) to deflect and make it all about them having the problem.

Make sure you have that voice recorder handy for when she comes home.

If she starts getting hysterical, ask her to leave so that she can calm down. Don't forget to call her parents and report her behavior at home, saying that you're worried about her and would appreciate them talking to her about ending this mess with OM.

He's a coworker.

response:

"like effing get me fired or ruin any chances of climbing up? This hurts any chance for promotion [censored]"

I want to reply with "you should have thought about that before getting into an affair with a co-worker, but that's probably not the right thing to say.

ohhh, it's going to be a LONG weekend.