I'd text her this and then turn your phone off:

I'm sorry that your adultery has hurt your chances for promotion and that you're upset that others know about your affair, but I'm not going to let you drag me into an argument over it. Got to go, talk to you later.

Do you have any family members that can come over for supper tonight?

"It is your adultery that may affect your job and career. Not the truth"

Remember, her anger you can deal with. It is the having a 3rd person in your M which you cannot.

Stay strong! Now is not the time to bend.

Not necessarily. You just act like you did nothing wrong, act pleasant and cheerful, do some Plan A type things, take the kid somewhere for a few hours this weekend, inviting WW to go as well. Just do "normal" type stuff.

When she acts up (your WW, I mean) just calmly tell her that you aren't going to argue with her about her adultery and disengage. Rinse and repeat.

You'll be fine. After a few dozen attempts to start a fight with you, she'll probably back down and just retreat to her side of the house.

You did very good!

Refuse to engage in a fight. Instead, continue plan A. If she tries to start something, change the topic. "I'm sorry this incident has had negative repurcussions for you at work. Would you like to go and get ice cream?"

When she is spewing venom..just remember SHE is the one that brought it on herself. You cannot (and should not) bear her pain and consequences of her adultery on your shoulders.

Step 1 in killing the affair = complete. Check.

Do not let her bully you one bit.

Like NW says...just be Mr. Cool. The reality of her actions are now really hitting her.

Should I reply to this? Or just leave it alone until tonight?

I like this, but worry it will just create more anger

Yes. Reply with

I'm sorry that your adultery has hurt your chances for promotion and that you're upset that others know about your affair, but I'm not going to let you drag me into an argument over it. Got to go, talk to you later.

and then turn your phone off if you cannot help responding.

Your not immediately responding and getting into it with her will do two things...

1. Help you avoid getting into a fight ($LB withdrawals)
2. Show her that you aren't going to play her games. She's looking for a fight, looking for you to do something, anything, to justify her cheating on you. Don't give it to her.

Everyone is different. I didn't apologize at all for exposure. Why should he?

I think he needs to show some backbone and just stand tall by his decision to expose by NOT apologizing for anything.

what are the chances of someone who has had depression (untreated) for many years, this exposure driving them over the edge and doing something horrible to themselves.

SHE betrayed YOU my man.

Why do you give 2 sh*ts if she is mad right now. Look what she has done!! She is just now feeling the sting of HER decisions.

DO NOT I repeat DO NOT get dragged into her drama. NO reaction to her negativity. Just be positive.

Just be as nice as humanly possible on all fronts. Give her NO ammo to shoot at you with.

That's not apologizing for anything, in my book. It's telling her that it's her adultery that got her into this, that he knows that she's trying to start a fight about it, and that he's not playing that game.

I sure as hell didn't apologize either!

Change the "I'm sorry" to "It's unfortunate" and go from there.

That's a distraction, 2little. Depression didn't cause her to cheat on you. Piss poor boundaries with other men did.

If she starts going off the deep end at home, call the police and inform them of the situation.

Did you decide to make her have an A?

Did you force her into making these decisions?

Have you forced her to do ANYTHING?

No. You cannot force her to do one single thing. What she does from here on out is her decison. Just like everything else leading up to this moment.

You cannot hold her pain on your shoulders. You cannot hold her hand through this. Time for her to put on her big girl panties and face the music.

I say WAY TO GO! Great job.

I know we are on the same page.

It is interesting that some BS's especially men lose all their strength at this time of exposure. They think they should apologize to the WS�s for telling the truth. F- that.

Hopefully we are giving this guy a shot of adrenaline he needs right now to hold his head up high and be STRONG.

2L,

I got the same advice, and it worked like a charm. W went batxxx at exposure...a Thursday or Friday, I think.

Anyhow, stated canned response NW and others are suggesting...thought the weekend was going to be a nuclear war.

NOPE.

Took the kids to dinner friday night, invited W to go with....she did. (Incredibly, now that I remember it, she said NO at first. had already left driveway, leaving development, and she called me to come back and get her).

Saturday, when to services in the AM...W went too. that night was a little chilly...W stayed on 'her side of the house'.

Sunday, took son to bball game...W went with. She had a looong talk with DD, alone. We took walk, went out for a bite that nite.

Seems like Monday the at least the beginning of the beginning, sorta.

Doing this does a few things:

1. shows you will fight for the marriage and family
2. shows you will not get into the drama, and can handle the situation with care and calm
3. allows the weight of the "relationship" going public, the consequences, to fall on HER

You are doing great!

Yeah, I'm hoping that he stands strong this weekend.

My FWW never quite went completely nuts at exposure, but I think the key is remaining calm and pretending like you're doing just fine...even if you're pissed purple on the inside.

...and to NW's point (I think it was Melody or marital that really helped me with this one)--

after a few times of my W 'threatening' to hurt herself, etc. becasue of exposure, i calmly stated -- "the next time you threaten any bodily harm to yourself, I will call 911."

It stopped.

The more mad she is=exposure was a bullseye.

Stay strong and listen to these fantastic posters.

Amen, NW...exactly (although easier said than done...but it can be done!!!)