ok, maybe a dumb ? here, but the night she told me the EA turned PA "recently", I took my ring off. She hasn't been wearing hers since our one and only MC. I've been wearing mine because that's how I want it to be. Anyway, even in the face of things that have come to light recently, and following Plan A, would not wearing your ring be a LB? I think so, thought I'd ask you pros

Do some of them (WW) see it that way, for what it is?

I think wayward husbands are somewhat easier when it comes to stopping affairs and coming back hat in hand.

My FWW was the opposite, and I'm sure many WWs are. She was pissed for about a week over having others telling her what to do and being treated like a child (her words). That her fantasy was destroyed really hacked her off

It takes time, but I think you can be optimistic if she'll end the affair.

The job would have to go immediately, sorry to say. And, yes, we've heard all of the financial reasons why such a thing cannot happen but it's just a fact of life. Mine quit that very day without notice.

Ask helpfordad about a WW staying at the job where the affair took place. It never works.

I'd wear it as it would seem to be a mixed message otherwise.

Trust me, your not wearing a ring is not going to be a lovebuster. She isn't invested in your relationship enough to care about it.

Your Plan A is going to turn that around, though.

From what I've read of other former WWs that post here, I'd agree with Brain's statement.

EDIT: Of course, right now, that's not what she's thinking. But I've read where recovered waywards voice that sentiment. It's all in hindsight, like nearly everything else.

Well, that might be an a tough one. Yeah, all the normal reasons here maybe, but they are true. She just got this job a little over a year ago, in that year she already learned her job enough to be able to train other newbies, which is unheard of in this field and office. And we all know how the (US at least) economy is. Took her a long time to get this job, and it works out because it's only 5 mile from home vs. the 35 before. Now yes, I've read a bit about the reasons NOT to continue working there, just saying, this will be a tough one to get figured out.

When they are foggy they don't see it, but when they come out of the fog and start to show true repentance then yes WW will see it as loving and trying to save your M.

2L2L,

Then get OM fired rather than having your WW quit.

Turn up the heat on OM.

God Bless
Gamma

It sucks and I've been there as well.

Not much else can be said, but that's one of the consequences.

Poop always flows downhill, you know.

?

End A?

Yeah.

How is this going to end if she refuses to end the affair?

2L2L,

Anyway, even in the face of things that have come to light recently, and following Plan A, would not wearing your ring be a LB?

Nope you never broke your vow and you have no reason to take your emblem of fidelity off your finger. Take it off only after the divorce is final should it come to that.

Taking your ring off because your WW did is sorta like having an affair because your WW did, lowers you to her level.

God Bless
Gamma

Plan A - Plan B I expect. Don't know how long I can Plan A it though knowing she is doing what she shouldn't be doing. I honestly don't see 6 months. I think I'd be doing good to get a month or two out of Plan A. I don't know, hopefully, it won't come to that, but of course there's that possibility.

Good point Gamma. Guess I was looking at it from the viewpoint of she betrayed our marriage and thus the ring. I never wanted to take it off, just felt weird wearing it after I know she did the unspeakable. I've put it back on now. Going to get hers cleaned at the jewelers so when it's time to put it back on it will be nice, clean and shiny.

2l, I would tell her today that she will not be able to keep that job if she intends on staying married. Start planting the seed that she will have to quit so she needs to start Loki g elsewhere NOW. I would also advise you to start looking for a job.

Oh, yeah, the vets helped me with this one...

The OM was fired within an hour? of his union hall, general contractor, and the hospital getting my exposure letters.

Then, he proceeded to throw my W under the bus and LB her like mad...

That hit home -- so much so that OMs mommy called me, trashed my W, threatened to get HER fired, and demand an apology from me and I call OMs boss to get him his job back.

THAT, I believe, was not only a shot across the bow that I was coming out swinging..but, looking back, I think it really did kill the affair that day. Shedding the light of day on the sordidness -- if it doesn't end immediately, it truly is the beginning of the end.

I regret that I putzed around for almost 3 months....WTF was I thinking?...stubborn, scared fool...

AND 2L2L, to this day, without discussing the affair itself, my W out nof the blue, in a card ot text, still THANKS ME for "fighting for our family and SAVING ME" (her words).

Oh, and to further what Mel is saying...

Just so you know -- things got MUCH better after OM was off the job..

BUT -- W herself quit a few months later as the workplace where the A occurred is simply too much of a trigger.

We currently are feeling the financial effects of this whole thing...it aint pretty, but our family is intact...priceless.

2l, the ring that is on your finger is YOUR public announcement of YOUR commitment to your wife. When that ring went on your finger, there was probably a vow that went with it, yes? "For better or for worse"? Well, this is the worse. If you're still committed, keep that ring on your finger.

I wore my ring until about 6 weeks before final divorce.
At that point ww had left our family and was living with OM.
I felt that she broke our marriage contract and I wasn't really interested in reconciliation at that point anyway. I was angry, sad and disgusted with her.

I replaced my wedding ring with a fraternity ring on my right hand.
Now I don't wear any rings.

But there is no question. In plan A or B you wear your ring. Until divorce. It is a statement and I assure you that she notices it daily

I too think it's important to start looking for a job. You need to prepare because she will have to leave her job if you want to make a go of this and if she won't, you'll be getting a divorce and need a job!

Your child is old enough to go to daycare now. She's not an infant. I understand wanting to have one spouse home and my husband and I did have him stay home for a short time when our two kids were super small.

Even though we agreed on it, it wore at me. I felt very alone as the sole provider. The stress was intense and this could be a factor in the deterioration of your marriage.

Show her that you are in the game with her, creating financial stability for your family.