Also, it will even out the parenting energy. Your WW will have to get more involved in taking care of her child and her home. Then she might look back and understand just how much you contributed to making her life more functional.

This is not the reason to do it but it might be an added benefit.

Well, I don't know how effective the workplace exposure went. She claims her two supervisors don't care and the HR person isn't going to do anything either.

She waited until we got home to start spouting off. It started by her saying "you guys have dinner, I'm going to get a drink". She asked am I really surprised she doesn't want to see me? What was I thinking, what did I think was going to happen, blah blah blah.

She claims I don't care about her one bit if I went after her at work. She feels I've attacked her in her workplace. I just didn't get into it with her as instructed. I think the only thing I said is I had no idea how she would feel.

So who knows, maybe she's pissed enough to get drinks with this POSOM and go have sex with him, I dunno. Claims she'll be back by 10pm. Was trying to get me and DD to go do something tomorrow by ourselves. I don't think she's at all compelled to give the OM the boot. At least they've both got something to talk about now I guess.

Meanwhile, DD has to watch mommy go out yet again. Nice :rolleyes:

What your wife says is irrelevent, though. You need to speak to them personally.


And she got to watch her dad do NOTHING. What did you do to prevent this?

2l2l,

You need to go over the heads of the supervisors and the HR department, I don't know if this is a privately held or publicaly held company. If privately held go directly to the owners and ask why they are exposing their company to a large liability by allowing sexual entanglements in the workplace. If public go as far up the food chain as you can, plant manager, branch manager etc. Start exposing to their customers if that doesn't work.

Oh if your WW is at the bar with OM bring your DD to go see her, and introduce DD to her boyfriend.

God Bless
Gamma

Honestly, I am in shock about your complacent attitude. If my H tried to go out to meet some woman, the keys would be gone. The sheriff would have to come to my house to save his life. And your wife just saunters out the door without a word from you?

How do you expect her to take you seriously if you are not serious?

I'm not.

2L2L,

BTW, exposure sometimes takes effect when the anger wears off and the WW realizes that her ugly doings are out in the open and no longer secret or exciting.

Almost everyone has some concern for their good name, and even more so when the paranoia creeps in and they start to wonder who knows and who doesn't. It's no longer the affair partners who are keeping a secret from the world, but everyone in world who now keeps a secret about what they heard about the affairees, the onus has shifted.

Remind her that if her legs didn't spread neither would scandal.

God Bless
Gamma

You all were telling me not to get into her argument, not to be fighting. Yeah I could take the keys away, but if she really wanted to go, she was going to go.

I don't know what I'm doing, I don't do this all the time. Did I want her to go? No, of course not. Am I suppose to force her to stay home? That doesn't seem very Plan A.

I can't watch her at all times, and force her to be where I want her to be. She was pissed, was going to the store and get a drink. I don't know who she's with.

It's hard to be clear minded these days. I had minimal time to come up with a game plan and figured better to let the angry wasp go than try to hold it in my hands.

Can't see where forcing her to stay home pissed falls into this strategy, which is what I did.

Are you kidding me? You sit there like a lump on a log and say nothing while she goes out the door to go screw some guy?

THAT IS NOT PLAN A!! Plan A does not say anywhere you sit there like a moron while she ABUSES YOU!

I don't view her as the problem here. The problem is your shocking complacence. How would she be able go out to screw the OM if you tried to stop her?

Do you know that women don't respect men they can run over like this? Our love is very contingent upon the respect we feel. There is no way she feels any respect after this.

We can help you do everything to save your marriage, but we shouldnt have to tell you to do things like OBJECT when she is going out to screw some guy! We shouldn't have to tell you that it is crazy to sit there like a lump when she takes YOUR FAMILY CAR TO GO SHAG SOME GUY!!

I am sure you are joking here.

She said she was going to the store and to get a drink. Never said nothing about going to screw anyone. Could she be? Maybe. Again, I cant throw her in a cell to keep her from going anywhere.

Besides, if she's committed to go do that again, she'll figure out a way to do it. Isn't that WW's do?

From the new book by Dr. Harley Effective Marriage Counseling pg 94:

"Granted, there are situations when demands may be necessary in marriage. During a spouse's affair, for example, I recommend that the betrayed spouse demand there be no contact with the lover. If there is continued contact, separation or even divorce would be the logical consequence. While normally demands don't work, in this case there are no reasonable alternatives because thoughtful requests are even less likely to separate lovers."

If I were you, I would make some "plans" to get away tomorrow by yourself and let her be the mother for a change. First thing in the morning. Don't announce beforehand, just go. Dump it in her lap. She is a mother, right? She left tonight alone, so you leave tomorrow alone.

Dude, why are you laying down like this?

Man up.

About what? What's the punchline? I followed the advice of NW who has several thousand posts. Figured it was good advice.

Taking the keys away would only cause a fight (told not to get into) and made her leave anyway.

The goal here is to save your marriage, NOT to avoid your wayward wife's anger at all costs. Why in the world would you GIVE A RATSASS IF SHE WAS PISSED???

The goal is not to avoid her anger, after all!!

I did that. She didn't care. Remember right now a D is what she wants.

No, taking the keys away would not cause a fight. It takes TWO people to fight. You didn't have to fight. You could have got off your dead [censored] and taken the keys and told her how upset you are that she wants to go screw some man.

You have confused Plan A with Plan [censored] KISSING.

No, you did nothing tonight. Nothing.

The admonition against arguing and fighting HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH STANDING UP AGAINST THE AFFAIR. No one ever told you to just sit there and say and do nothing. All you are doing is giving her the impression that you don't care very much. And I would agree with her!!

What kind of a man just sits there and does and says nothing while his wife goes out to get laid? WHO puts up with that???