Yes, been doing that for a while now. Been keeping a pw'd journal. And thanks, for saying I'm doing a good job. Today, when she was first angry, then surprisingly calm after the exposure thing, I thought I had her right where I wanted her. Even on the way home, she was completely normal. Until we got in the house, then it was round 2. Really took me by surprise. She started asking all the typical questions and trying to fight, I just ignored it.

Is your wife an alcoholic?

Well, she wasn't. In the twelve years we were together, I saw her drink only a few times (and only like one drink, never drunk), and that was when we first got together and were partyin' some. Only recently, the last 4 months or so, when she started going to her work's "Happy Hours" that they all go to this one particular close-by bar did she start drinking more. And now, when she's stressed out, or had a hard day at work, she says "I need a drink". So yeah, I see a problem developing. Says it makes her feel happier and helps her sleep.

Of course you can't tell her that.

I know how she is, and her Dad said the same thing a few weeks back, you can't tell her anything, she is never wrong. I feel like even with a HUGE exposure, it will not change her mind. She's got her mind set on this A and I don't know what will change that.

Oh I forgot to add that right after I took on the role of sole provider, I started up an EA. I felt entitled to it because I was working so hard and feeling all alone in the stress.

I'm not saying that those factors led me to my EA. I had poor boundaries and suffered from entitlement and a feeling that I deserved some happiness/passion/whatever.

All I'm saying is, the imbalance weakened my marriage. And then my lack of boundaries put us in an even more dangerous situation.

Food for thought...

Wow, guy. I meant don't engage her when she acts like a pouting child, not staying silent when she says she's going out for the night with OM!

Report this evening's booze binge with OM to her parents and family. Hell, I'd call them all right now, at nearly 1 am, asking them if they knew where their daughter was. Ask them to call her.

Tomorrow, you'll need to have a conversation with this woman and tell her just what it's going to take for you to stay married to her. This kind of bs isn't acceptable and isn't going to be happening again. Be prepared to follow through, though, telling her to pack her sh*t and get out. I would go so far as to preface that discussion with a call to her family, telling them that you're sending her to live with them if she refuses to stop the adultery.

Oh, and it's apparent by her reaction that her superiors at work actually did care about your email(s).

So when she says she needs to run to the grocery store, do I hide the keys? She didn't say she was going to see OM. Is she, yeah probably. Even if I had hid the keys, she'd still find a way to go do whatever it is she was going to do. Just would've been LB'ing behavior on my part which pushes them toward the OM, feeling justified in their actions. Whatever, I'm tired of hearing about it. Yeah I F'd up I guess. Next time I'll take the keys, and let you all know how that goes.



Already done that. Threatened suing for adultery, subpoena the OM, phone records, emails and me going for full custody. WW doesn't care. She wants D. She's so lost in this, she's giving up on me and her DD. Spent a whole 15 minutes with DD today, and that's only because we were driving home.

She's the one who makes the money to pay for this place and all the utilities. How can I kick her out, get my DD in daycare and start going to work when I have no car?



Not much good that will do, they live next door.

That's what I'm hoping. Was thinking about calling the HR lady on Monday to find out what is what.

Is there any benefit to knowing if she is over at OM's house right now? Other than just possibly confirming what I already suspect? She's already admitted to all this S*, so do I really need to know that type of info still?

Reason I ask is I have a friend who lives fairly close, I may be able to call him to drive by and see if our car is there. But if it serves no other purpose than to cause me more pain, I'll pass.

Beginning to think only Plan B may have any effect. That or wait it out until the A dies naturally. But I don't know I can go on, knowing everytime she's not home, she's with that POS. Effin F!

He needs to broaden his exposure and you're telling him to narrow it. Exposing to the CEO has been recommended here for years.

However it won't hurt to include VP's.

Well he an send it to the CEO.
I'm simply explaining that typically a CEO and president receives much more communication than the VP.
And the VP oftentimes will actually read their own emails.

Well you know it's an active affair so I wouldn't worry about it. After she promises to end it and have no contact then you would certainly want to be checking on it

The one size fits all approach to fixing broken marriages doesn't always work.

The exposure at her work was the last straw. Her years of deeply entrenched emotional detachment combined with exposing her at work was just enough to convince her there is nothing left between us.

This affair is really just a result of years of poor husbandry on my part.

You may not have been the perfect husband and you are 50% responsible for the demise of the marriage. BUT she's 100% responsible for her affair.


Did she come home last night? Remember she's a foggy wayward.

Because WW is now on the rampage is only an act by her to make you to fearful to expose any further. This is proof that exposure works.

"The one size fits all approach to fixing broken marriages doesn't always work."

Male Bovine Excrement

Stop your crap right now. There is nothing special about your WW affair. Her behavoir is 100% text book. There is nothing unique about your WW affair, or her actions post dday.

Man up and escalate that exposure at work.

So your WW is mad at you now.

Are you afraid to get your WW madder?

What is she going to do?

Bang the OM.

Oh wait, isn't she doing that now?

If you want to stop her from doing the OM the get to doing a full exposure.

It actually does work. The reason why is because people are people.
Heart surgery, psychiatric, pharmaceuticals .....they are all the same science because people are people.
Your wife is not much different than the others.
Have you read Surviving an Affair by Dr Harley?

The truth is exposure just shines light on an affair.

2L, 2L,

I thought the same thing -- and foolishly argued with the vets about it.

I'll tell you from expereince now, NOTHING will work, NOTHING -- as effectively to end an affair as EXPOSURE.


It may seem scary...may seem counterintuitive...may even seem vengeful to some, ridiculously.

Hogwash -- what is is standing up for your marriage, being THE MAN and FIGHTING for your wife, and yes, SAVING HER from the downward spiral her life will become if you don't step in and be her HERO.

At first, I could by into all the MB stuff...but dragged my feet with exposure.

What an idiot! That was the FIRST thing I shouldve done. We're in recovery now, but I hesitated for 3 months!!!

Please listen to the vets as I did -- expose, and this affair, this fantasy, will crumble.

When we chose not to expose destructive behaviors like affairs, alcohol abuse, drug abuse, child abuse etc we actually enable the activity

First..her losing her love for you is a result of poor husbandry. Not her A. You have to realize this. There is a difference.

I too have many regrets for the behaviors in my M that drained my LB balance with my W. That is why it is critical for us BS's to learn from our mistakes and take this opportunity to make positive changes for ourselves. Real Changes.

That is why I encouraged you to focus on yourself right now. You can only control you. Not her.

Your statement above is confirmation that indeed it did take many years for her love for you to slowly die.

You certainly don't expect that to be revived in a matter of days do you? It will take TIME for this ship to go into calmer waters. That is exactly why MB is such an amazing too. It gives you a plan.

Do you have SAA yet? This is a must. GET IT TODAY! Please do yourself a favor and get it. It will open your eyes. If you don't understand the entire plan you are just seeing snipits and are doubting yourself on exposure.

Get the book and it will help you see the entire picture and how each piece fits into the puzzle. Seeing how A's start, end and move to R is critical and it will give you hope.


As you know both of you are overcome by emotions right now. MB will at least give YOU a plan of action while your mind is trying to adjust to this new reality.

After dday, my FWW thought there was no way she would ever fall back in love with me. I almost guarantee your W feels the same way right now and she has no hope for your future. If you are committed to your M you MUST do the right things to first; kill the affair, then she will go through a withdraw phase and then and only then will you be able to start to attempt to rebuild your M.

I too thought I had �special circumstances� surrounding my W�s A. Guess what. I didn�t and neither do you. Trust me on this one.

Just take one step at a time. Use MB and see how it goes. No guarantees. What WAS a guarantee is that your M has NO I mean zero chance of survival with an active A.

And exposure was exactly the right thing to do my man. No doubt about that. Period.

I don't know if she thinks she is in love with this OM.

If she is..it will take time for that reality to die BEFORE she can fall back in love with you. Rairly can a W be in love with 2 men at the same time.

Right now she has no hope. She doesn't think there is any possible way she can fall back in love with you. Exactly what my FWW thought.


This was a harsh reality for me to digest but we have to live in reality with the situation.

Guess what happened? She did indeed fall back in love with me. You can do this too but you must be strong and follow the plan.

What are your other options? Just lay down and roll over?

Marathon not a sprint. Marathon not a sprint.

20 years its great to hear that as my WW is in exactly the same place in that she doesnt love me etc and doesnt think she can fall in love with me again, but i am staying positive and keeping up the plan a work and giving things time.