NC needs to take place first. W/O NC meeting her emotional needs will go to waste. She will have her needs met by 2 men.

She will have to get onboard the recovery bus YOU are driving or in no uncertain terms your M will be headed for D.

The first steps of the program=Bust up the A

Write a NC letter that you approve of and mail-preferably registered so you know OM received the letter.

If she will not follow the steps then most likely the A is not over.

The carrot and stick of plan a

How do I say send it without using LBs I don't want to push her away. I showed her the letter and asked her to write and she said no. This was last week. Any other ideas I can use for her to send the letter with making demands.

I would take this as a sign the A is still on and there is some contact yet.Don't demand. RQ was right. Become he best you and provider of her needs and at the same time use the stick of plan a without love busters.

So ignore the NC and focus on ENs for now? How long should I do that for? She was planning on meeting him on the 21 of September. Since unexposed she says that isn't going to happen now. I'm going to put a VAR in her car to make sure but I'm not believing her. If she does meet him should I move on to plan B and make her leave the house? I'm do worried I know it hasnt been a PA yet. If it moves to that I don't know what to do if I will be able to forgive her. I'm thinking this is one big midlife crisis yet if it becomes PA I don't know...

Good idea with the var and do not trust her right now. Let her actions speak not her words.

Have you read this? May help with where you are at right now.

Exposure 101

Further down in the thread after exposure is performed it talks about the aftermath and the next steps. READ that part carefully. It may explain better than I could in my words.

I have to leave for an appointment. Will catch up later

nESRE

Ok I found it and I will tell her that I just exposed on 5SEP12 should I wait awhile for her withdrawal to wear? She has been sleeping a lot nausea and not eating for about 8 days I read this will take 3 weeks. Should I wait till then to tell her the 5 steps besides the no contact letter? I'm just worried about those dates cause her cover will be going to her weekend drill in wisconsin and she has to go but her plan was to meet OM otw in Chicago and stay with him. She has to drill 9 days which 4 are optional. I'm such a wreck over this.

She's planning on meeting OM?

You need to do whatever it takes to not let this happen. You contacted her command?

Also I talked to the OM on 5Sep12. I told him he needs to stay away from my wife or I will ruin his life. Sent OM an email that says this: Keep this as record you piece of sh*t if you dont stay out of my wife's life your life will be ruined. If you come here trying to interfere with her again your life will be hell. I know you committed adultery I will be calling your CO. I know you have a fianc� and multiple kids. I know all about your case of molestation. Just leave MY F*ING LIFE AND WIFE ALONE. I know you have 0 character and morals. This will be your last warning you scheming homewrecker. And a text that days this: So your sorry self have it in writing BACK OFF or else my WIFE doesn't need someone ruining her life your command will be notified if she calls you I suggest you tell her I'm done this is your only warning you conniving underhanded sneaky so called SAILOR. Should I contact him again? Or should that be enough? Like I said she claims she doesn't talk to him anymore (her choice). I believe he closed the door gently so he can resume later. Yet she refuses the NC letter should I bring it up again or deposit LB points and then bring it up?

So are you just guessing she plans to see OM on 9-21?

Have you talked to his fiance' yourself? So she can watch on her end?

I have an email from him to her with hotel reservations on that date for 4 days. The fianc� hasn't return my Facebook messages. That's the only other means of contact that I have with her. I sent messages to all her family about the affair according to exposure 101 thread. My guess is he smooth talked her over or she dropped him and now he's focused on my wife. I called his command 5 min ago awaiting phone call. I also petitioned an IG inspection last week. She says she has stopped talking to him but at the same time I know this info and she knows I have the info on the trip she says its canceled. I'm thinking I should tell her. It to go to her drill and reschedule it. However I feel she will not respond well and go anyways should I at least try? My points are low now I know this cause I'm away I sent her a poem I wrote via email and she claims she did not read it all. I'm calling her today at 4 to meet EN of attention and conversation. Still in the dark on what to do when I'm home. EN of affection perhaps? Ask about NC again?

Good job on contacting her command.

Do whatever it takes to not let them be together. Can you go on this trip with her? That would be a huge downer when you show up.

Should I offer to go with her or be sneaky and show up?

Well you can feel her out by asking. If she hmm haws about then plan on showing up, because she is planning on seeing him.

Have you heard back from her command?

What is her refusal to write the NC? That's what tells me she's still talking to him

You need to avoid giving the POS anything in writing that he can use against you!

~RQ

Well she still in withdrawal. She claims she still loves him but won't see him cause I will take away the kids from her. Which I know is fogbabble. We talked an hour and she brought up the affair. She knows its wrong but she feels she never loved me and it's ok once again fogbabble when I brought up how we met and first said I love you she started to stutter. I called the hotel and the reservation is still valid. I have a friend willing to go with me to confirm. Planning on using a VAR in her car as well. She claims she is scared of me and I'm acting psycho. I tried not to cry and assure her she made the decision to ruin the marriage and I just let everyone know how. She also stated she doesn't love or care about me. I know I I ask to go she will say no and put her on notice. Her mom will be here on Tuesday and weekend so if I will sneak out and confirm his tryst I need to set my friend up for an albi. I was planning on sleeping in the same bed and she is adamant that she won't I'm so confused on what to do next. This is hard on me and her. She is experiencing physical withdrawal from seeing this guy how long will this last?

My bad the haven't seen each other only talked since 29july12.

Have you read this about withdrawal?
Recovery After an Affair

Read it so it's important to stop this meeting! What weapons I have to combat it? What should I do follow her and confront her? VAR and pray I'm wrong?! I feel so helpless. I am on the bus for recovery but she isnt cause of withdrawal. My time is short. I really love her and now that I can work this out this ugly revelation threatens to undo everything!

You're not helpless. You have MB and a plan ok?

Let's combat this. Are you with her now? How are you doing on your plan A?

Read this.
The Art of War by Sun Tzu

I will be tomorrow out for the weekend cause of military field ops. If it goes PA I dont know what I will do suicide, homicide the other OM I just don't know and it scares me what I will do to the other OM. I need a plan to prevent this please help me.