Yes the ex wife said he is being investigated by military and civilian courts. WS claims OM won't answer her calls I think the IG and my calling his command worked. However I think WS uses other means of contacting him. I think I can call the affair officially busted and start the carrot.

Well I had my WS talk to the OM ex wife she was crying the whole time when she heard the stories. The ex Wife also wanted her children to talk to her. WS was crying and now she talking to the OM about the conversation. Honestly I think this is gonna backfire on me but I still have hopes. Thanks to all who responded to my thread. Updates coming soon!

He will probably try to spin the whole story onto angry ExW.

I can be anyone I want to be behind this screen and texting. Real life and day to day is another story. If all that was true about OM he is a dirt bag.

Reminds me of a song you might enjoy just to lighten this up a little until W is done talking with OM.

Might explain the OM's thought process....

Real World

Stay calm through this. You can do it.

nESRE

You are doing good.
However don't be surprised if your wife makes excuses for OM.
If she does I think you should file for divorce to protect your kids from him and ask the court to issue an order that the kids have no contact with OM

You should try to confirm this. If OM actually did this, why isn't he in jail? Is there an arrest report? Did you ask OMxW about that? Be careful not to use this information unless you can back it up. I'm not saying to disregard this; I'm saying to know whether or not the facts that are being given to you are actually facts. If they aren't, understand that OMxW may be out for blood with OM and may be lying to you. Watch for that. You may not be able to depend on her for accurate information.

Yea I agree with maritalbliss.
This OM is a police officer and subject to extra investigations due to his occupation.
The OM ex wife may be crazy.
Personally, my ex wife tells people that I am psychotic.

He did check this out for himself

9-11-12

It's true hes a campus police officer. He's being investigated for it. My wife believes her but I don't think it's gonna help me at all. I have hope but I'm sure he's gonna spin it and it will backfire on me. She is going through withdrawal right now so I'm goin to meet her ENs and pray.

She may be a mess with all of this. You will know in a few days what her true character is with this new found info being presented to her.

She still may want out of the M. Sometimes even info like this will not snap them out of the fantasy.

Hold on tight and keep youself in check. Absolutely no LB's. Be like a broken record to WW that you still have hope for the M. Come here to vent or ask questions.

nESRE

My ex wife started an affair with a violent felon.
When I found out about his background (which is why I always encourage betrays spouses to conduct background checks if there are kids involved) I found this information and it involved violence towards a child.

Ww defended him (she actually already knew) and I had to drop plan A and proceed with filing for divorce and custody to protect my kids.

You may have to do the same thing. You don't want your wife to run off with the kids out of state to be with this guy to fulfill the fantasy in her head.

If she refuses to write the NC letter I would at least file for divorce and a court order that the kids can't leave the state, plus no contact between the kids and him. You don't want to take chances with minor children

If in doubt email this info to the radio show and ask Dr Harley for advice.
Because he encouraged me to divorce and get custody of my kids.
He believes that safety trumps the marriage

I'm goin a give her a few days then take action to protect my kids. I think she is done and ready to rebuild marriage

Well she left check Spy gear I put in place and she not talking to that OM anymore. She still wants a divorce however. She says she doesn't love me anymore. Kind of heartbreaking... I still have hope any help would be appreciated to regain that passion and love I lost due to my neglecting her. Any ideas? I want my wife back!

9-15-12



The Aftermath

What does this part suggest you do when WW is calmer in a few days?

nESRE

You need to Plan A.
plan A. Plan A plan A

Here you go.
Carrot and Stick of Plan A

DSC

A new thread started today by Falconrap might also help as it looks very similar to your story.

nESRE

Well Plan A underway so far she has been annoyed by it. This is normal right? WS mom is here and she expressed interested in letting her know we should work it out. I hope it doesn't go to Plan B. I look at some of the threads anyone have experience with Plan A give me any ideas?

Here's some more.
This is A Plan A question: "Who the Heck are You?"
Not Feeling the Love in Plan A

DSC

An excellant post concerning YOUR specific situation was made to you 9-12-12 by Schtoop. Go back and read it. He took a lot of time laying out "The Steps" for you.

Also in the exposure 101 thread did you read The Aftermath? This would be where you present the plan to your WW.

Is this your Plan? Post your plan here for others to critique.

YOU have to lead this and do the heavy pulling right now to try to get her onboard without LoveBusters. You can not force her or demand she follow. You present a plan to get your M out of the ditch and back on the road again. You Plan A with no expectations of your WW. You become a better H and person. Should WW decide to get onboard then bonus.

You present the Plan when ready (probably about now if WW is cooled down) and then go from there.

Should she decide not to follow then you will have to re-think your options. Dr. Harley suggests about 6 months of Plan A for a H but some men can go longer but it is not meant to be done forever or become a way of life (the heavy pulling). At some point WW needs to get onboard for MR or you will end up with a crippled version of the M pre-A.



Do you have a specific Plan A question? You may have overlooked Schtoop's post with all that was going on at that point in your life.

nESRE