Listening to today's show and they are talking about financial negotiations. This is truly one area where we have never argued. I am just as much a saver as he is, maybe more. And I LOVE going shopping with him. He will go around finding clothes in different sizes for me. I will go in wanting one outfit and we'll find several and he will tell me to get them all. Of course, he has many more clothes on his side of the closet than I do ( perfectly organized as well.. really disgusting.. at least I'm hanging all of mine up now! Smile.

Some of us have stories on here about the struggles of living with a dishonest spouse. Would you put up with that?

About an affair..No. emotional dishonesty yes

I relistened to it.. ( must be recent, I've heard it before) and I'm just not sure I agree. That said, I have promised myself never to complain about my husband to anyone.When we started dating, I said it would be him or no one.. Which I suppose I violated here, but I just needed someone to talk to. And yes, I don't stay alone in a room with someone of the opposite sex. My husband wouldn't let me withdraw from choir. He told me I needed it for my sanity, but did like my idea of not being quite so faithful with it. So I went in to talk to my music minister and his wife and the wife had already left, so I just told him that I needed to talk to them both. The next Sunday I caught her by herself and started talking to her and he joined us. I told them about his " You care more about church than me comment" and that I offered to give up choir and Praise Team but that he wouldn't let me. That said, I really needed for them to know that I would be skipping quite a bit. ( I skipped the last 2 weeks since he was here. I will be here the next 2 since he is out of town.) They prayed with me for my marriage and told me to concentrate on that and they would welcome me whenever. I could sing Sunday morning whether or not I was there Wednesday or not sing at all,but that my marriage came first. Husband doesn't know I told them that, but I'm tired of living without support.

Why?

Why, what? Sorry. I don't understand the question.

Why would you put up with emotional dishonesty?

Probably because I can understand being reluctant to share what you truly feel with someone. I don't think I could forgive sleeping with someone else or the way some of the couples on here scream at each other. I get upset when my husband says through gritted teeth: Could you please have the boys close the bread! If he were to ever raise his voice at me... I just don't think I could handle that. Or disrespect. I had enough of my dad telling me I was stupid for thinking that way and seeing how he disrespected my mom. I just wouldn't marry someone like that. So I married a sweet, respectful guy. Does that make sense?

I guess that is what makes it hard. He is sweet. He has plans. They are not bad plans. He is a good man. I always give up because I'm not sure that I am right or that there is a right. Why should it be my way? Which I understand is the point of POJA for it to be win win. It will just be interesting. In so many ways we are alike: both first borns, both organized, both savers. So many times we come up with the exact figure to give to charity or to a cause. We both wrote down our choice for china patterns and it was the same one!! That happens A LOT. However, he is neat and I am messy. He is detail oriented to the extreme. ( Though everyone at my church and homeschool group thinks I am detail oriented. But they've never met my hubby.)

If you knew you married a sweet respectful guy, why have you been so scared to be open and honest with him? Don't blame your dad!

What if he thinks what I think is stupid? What if he wants to do something and I want to do something.. Then what? How do we resolve it? Then he might be unhappy. My goal in life has always been to make the people around me happy. And remember my radio question about honesty. I was emotionally dishonest long before I ever met him. In fact, that was part of the struggle. I wanted to make hubby happy but not make the music minister unhappy either. So at least I was honest with them. They had no idea how I felt either!!!

And about being honest with the music minister and his wife. I spent hours crying, writing out my thoughts, imagining conversations. That is actually what I spend a lot of time doing: imaging conversations in my head. But they were actually really, really nice about it. They were not disappointed in me and very supportive. Perhaps hubby won't be disappointed in me either..

Did you ever think that he could be happy making you happy? I do think this is your selfishness talking (that you disguise as serving). I don't think you do this intentionally or maliciously.

So what if he thinks what you think is stupid? Does that make it so? (NO) Why would you expect to be happy doing what he wants, but think he would be unhappy doing what you want? Do you not share goals? Can you not have reasonable discourse? Can you see your sweet respectful husband refusing to look for common ground? Would he crush you with his own ideas and disregard your own?

No, I guess not. It is just really scary. I don't know why, but it is.

So now I am selfish for not saying what I want.. Good grief. I just want to know how to do this exactly right.. That is what i HATE HATE HATE about parenting and marriage. I can't get it 100 percent correct no matter how hard I try. There isn't a magic formula and that is so incredibly frustrating which is why I should have stayed single. At least maybe I could get being single right...

NOBODY gets it 100% correct. Not even being single. People screw that up all the time.

I applaud you for starting to speak up with your husband. Don't let my little postings get in the way of that! I am imperfect, too! I am, however, wonderfully made.

And so are you.

The only person or entity who demands you be perfect is YOU. Which is great news, because you have complete control over that demand! You can free yourself from it. Bad news is, nobody else can.

Are you cheating? Your recent rants on singledom are red flags.

Oh my goodness, no!!! Who in the world would I cheat with??? I am here at home homeschooling my children. ( Though not much today. Boys have all outside classes now either online or at cc and youngest went with a friend on a homeschool field trip since 3 of hers are younger and her oldest is with mine at cc. So I am here or at church with once again my children!! Well today I did have my biopsy done.. So I was by myself for awhile but it wasn't fun.. Part of the reason I am in a bad mood. I have to wait a week to get the results... Seriously, I don't daydream about anyone other than hubby. And the singleness is about being ALONE and not answerable to anyone. I don't really have a desire to be with anyone. But don't worry. I could never break my kids hearts and my daydreams of singleness include not being a parent, either.. Wouldn't ever tell them that..

You could cheat with anyone who was (also) sick of their life as they made it and fantasized about something different.

Have you read the threads here about pastors cheating with parishioners? Choir directors with pastors?

Why would a biopsy take a week for results? I have only had two, but got both results within 24 hours. Are you seeking sympathy, a poor me, I had a biopsy, it could be something, hang on for a week and maybe you'll forget???

Medical peeps??? I only have my own experience to go on with the time for biopsy results.

That is what my doctor told me and what my friend who also had an endometrial biopsy said it took her as well. She said they would call me next Wednesday and if I hadn't heard by Thursday to call. What do you mean maybe you will forget??? That didn't make any sense. And this doctor is a sort of friend. They used to live across the street from us, she delivered my youngest and she and her husband(also an ob/gyn) are friends with my husband, also a doctor. So she would tell me if it were any faster..

I guess I just don't think that way as far as an affair goes. I honestly have never even considered one. I'm not sure why I would. I didn't sleep with anyone before I got married. I didn't trust anyone enough for one thing. No method of birth control is 100%. I didn't want to risk getting pregnant nor did I trust any guy enough to ever let that close. I can't imagine letting anyone else ever see me. I dated some guys, but we just kissed a couple of times. I just didn't trust them enough. I can't imagine trusting anyone other than my husband.. I mean someone who would sleep with a married lady would not be very trustworthy, would they??? I'm way too much of a control freak and I cannot imagine that a few minutes of pleasure ( if that.. can't imagine that someone who doesn't even know me or what I like could make me feel better than my husband!!!) being worth the horrible havoc it would cause. It is the reason I don't drink either. How do I know I wouldn't be an alcoholic??? Plus, who thinks being drunk and out of control would be fun. I like being in complete control.

CWMI is insinuating that you are using the biopsy to gain sympathy on this board, and that you are manipulating the week's waiting time to avoid answering her questions about whether you are planning to have an affair.