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During last Saturdays lengthy talk, she emphatically told me "not to try", made if very clear, almost to the point of seeming disgusted by it. Of course that's what she would say! Say you were a booze hound that just flat out lived for getting hammered every night. I mean you loved it more than anything else and looked forward to that cold one all freaking day long. Would you tell your spouse "help me get sober" or "don't you dare do anything or else!" hoping that they'd cower down and let you enjoy your beverage. She's full of it, in other words, and you'd do well pondering something else when she's in her "educating" mode. Tell you what, I need new tires on my truck. Next time she starts babbling something about how this is all your fault, you just think "Should NW get BF Goodrich or Firestones?" as you calmly walk out of the room. Even better, ask her. You'd accomplish the same either way.
Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
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During last Saturdays lengthy talk, she emphatically told me "not to try", made if very clear, almost to the point of seeming disgusted by it. Of course that's what she would say! Say you were a booze hound that just flat out lived for getting hammered every night. I mean you loved it more than anything else and looked forward to that cold one all freaking day long. Would you tell your spouse "help me get sober" or "don't you dare do anything or else!" hoping that they'd cower down and let you enjoy your beverage. She's full of it, in other words, and you'd do well pondering something else when she's in her "educating" mode. Tell you what, I need new tires on my truck. Next time she starts babbling something about how this is all your fault, you just think "Should NW get BF Goodrich or Firestones?" as you calmly walk out of the room. You'd accomplish the same either way. Thanks for that NW, that literally made me LOL. I'll give it a try. Maybe my problem is I take everything for face value instead of seeing things for what they really are. I guess it's easier for me to do it that way than to convince myself I'm right to think things mean otherwise.
BH (me) - 40 WW-31
Married 4, together 12
DD 3
DDay (EA) - 8/17/12
Confronted/admitted - EA turned PA - 9/11/12
Exposed- 9/12/12
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Call her bluff, dude!
Here's the spiel:
Sweetie, I understand you want to end the marriage. I do not, but if we go that route, here are my terms. I have been the primary child caregiver, and will therefore pursue primary custody with you having occasional visiting rights. To emphasize my fitness over yours, I plan to introduce the full story of your adultery, calling as a witness to testify in open court your sex-partner. I will furthermore be looking for a majority of the marital assets as spousal maintenance and child support. This will include our home and the vehicle. I would anticipate receiving for my maintenance and the aforementioned child-support, approximately 70% of your earnings. Legal expenses should be in the roughly $10K range, of which you will be compelled to pay all, as I have sacrificed MY earning power to raise OUR child
That should cover the basics. We'll get nastier as required if you fail to accede to my demands immediately.
And, oh yes.....have a nice day at work!
LOVE THIS!!!
BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011
Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
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All I can tell you at this point is to read the last few pages of your thread over and over...
There is nothing else at this particular stage I can personally share with you except dig deep and find some strength.
MB is about action. Listen to NOTHING she says and be the MAN I know you can be.
Last edited by 20YearHistory; 09/19/12 01:31 PM.
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2little_2late,
Please put as many of your resources as possible into investigating this affair, gathering people to contact (WW's HR department, boss, coworkers, WW's relatives, WW's friends, OM's parents, OM's relatives, OM's workplace/HR department). And gather as much evidence as possible.
This should be your main, 100% focus. Prepare to expose all at once.
It is the single most important thing for you to do right now.
BH (me), age 30. Plan D final 1/1/13
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2little_2late,
Please put as many of your resources as possible into investigating this affair, gathering people to contact (WW's HR department, boss, coworkers, WW's relatives, WW's friends, OM's parents, OM's relatives, OM's workplace/HR department). And gather as much evidence as possible.
This should be your main, 100% focus. Prepare to expose all at once.
It is the single most important thing for you to do right now. He did expose
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***EDIT***
Last edited by Ariel; 09/24/12 09:00 AM. Reason: TOS: non Harley resource
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Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
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Pardon my bad advice earlier; I didn't catch up on the part of your story where you'd exposed. So when she says she needs to run to the grocery store, do I hide the keys? You can go with her to the grocery store. Already done that. Threatened suing for adultery, subpoena the OM, phone records, emails and me going for full custody. WW doesn't care. She wants D. She's so lost in this, she's giving up on me and her DD. Spent a whole 15 minutes with DD today, and that's only because we were driving home. She's still in the fog of an affair. Nearly all women will desparately want their kids once their brain is no longer possessed by space aliens.[/quote] She's the one who makes the money to pay for this place and all the utilities. How can I kick her out, get my DD in daycare and start going to work when I have no car? Easy. You're on the bank account, right? Keep on writing cheques and making withdrawals. Get an appointment with your job/family services office in your state to apply for emergency child support. The money will come straight out of her paycheque to you. (They deal with spouses who decide to disappear from the family home all the time.) You may need to initiate legal separation or divorce proceedings to get spousal support, but for now, a joint bank account should be enough. At this point in her affair, she isn't going to care as long as she has enough money to continue to conduct her affair.
BH (me), age 30. Plan D final 1/1/13
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My response to her question this morning about why am I still trying when D is going to happen:
"I'm willing to work with you to create a loving, healthy marriage where both of our needs are met. I owe it to DD, my wife, and myself to do everything I can to make that happen"
Her response:
"GD-it, quit trying. What M are you talking about, we're getting a D, what are you talking about?"
"Do you want to do this the nice way or ugly way?"
Have not responded yet. Ignore? Call her bluff in Neverguessed's way? I start talking about getting nasty and that's exactly what she'll do. Is that really how I want things to go this early in Plan A or do I just ignore this as was mentioned a few posts back.
BH (me) - 40 WW-31
Married 4, together 12
DD 3
DDay (EA) - 8/17/12
Confronted/admitted - EA turned PA - 9/11/12
Exposed- 9/12/12
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"As a general rule, divorce as a result of continued adultery is rarely a pleasant experience. How you conduct yourself, though, is entirely in your control."
Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
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My response to her question this morning about why am I still trying when D is going to happen:
"I'm willing to work with you to create a loving, healthy marriage where both of our needs are met. I owe it to DD, my wife, and myself to do everything I can to make that happen"
Her response:
"GD-it, quit trying. What M are you talking about, we're getting a D, what are you talking about?"
"Do you want to do this the nice way or ugly way?"
Have not responded yet. Ignore? Call her bluff in Neverguessed's way? I start talking about getting nasty and that's exactly what she'll do. Is that really how I want things to go this early in Plan A or do I just ignore this as was mentioned a few posts back. Offer her a glass of water and walk away. Do not engage
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Do not engage.
Make yourself some tea and ask if she would like a cup too, and walk away.
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Also, beginning to wonder if she ever even had sex with OM. Don't fall into this rabbit hole. She said she did. That means SHE DID. "Womanly circumstances"= period. People have sex while a woman is in her menstrual cycle. Lots of people believe a woman can't conceive during that time. If you want to know the truth you should ask her to go through a polygraph. She's dodging telling you the truth.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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***EDIT***I thought about you in church tonight and I will ask our sunday school class to start praying for your family.
Last edited by Ariel; 09/24/12 09:01 AM. Reason: TOS: non Harley resource
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HDW -
Wouldn't it be better to help this poster with Dr Harley's methods ***EDIT***
Steph
Last edited by Ariel; 09/24/12 09:03 AM. Reason: TOS
Me: 30
Him: 39
Together 5 years
Married the very best man in the world 04/06/2013 after being common law for too long. I'm a lucky woman.
7 Cats - Viscount Ashley of Leftfield, Pawkie Petunia, The Timinator, Leo the Lionheart, Fruit Snack, Cloud, and Barret
And our very lucky pony, Starbucks
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***EDIT***
Last edited by Ariel; 09/24/12 09:04 AM. Reason: Editing quote
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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***EDIT***
Moderator's note:
Please do not post non Harley resources in this forum.
Last edited by Ariel; 09/24/12 09:07 AM.
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***EDIT***
No non Harley resources, please!
Last edited by Ariel; 09/24/12 09:08 AM.
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Her response:
"GD-it, quit trying. What M are you talking about, we're getting a D, what are you talking about?"
"Do you want to do this the nice way or ugly way?" Your response? Call her bluff, dude!
Here's the spiel:
Sweetie, I understand you want to end the marriage. I do not, but if we go that route, here are my terms. I have been the primary child caregiver, and will therefore pursue primary custody with you having occasional visiting rights. To emphasize my fitness over yours, I plan to introduce the full story of your adultery, calling as a witness to testify in open court your sex-partner. I will furthermore be looking for a majority of the marital assets as spousal maintenance and child support. This will include our home and the vehicle. I would anticipate receiving for my maintenance and the aforementioned child-support, approximately 70% of your earnings. Legal expenses should be in the roughly $10K range, of which you will be compelled to pay all, as I have sacrificed MY earning power to raise OUR child
That should cover the basics. We'll get nastier as required if you fail to accede to my demands immediately.
And, oh yes.....have a nice day at work!
If this is the way she wants it then present what NG posted with a serious attitude and look her directly in the eyes when doing so. Like a boss. She's trucking you big time right now, and you're allowing it. Not good, pal! How does it feel not being in control of your life and your family's future? I can't imagine it feels too good. Right or wrong? Time to stand tall and stand proud for fighting to protect and save your family from the cancer that is adultery. You are living in fear that anything you do will make things worse. Seriously, how much worse can it get? How can anything you do at this point make it worse than it already is??? If you go down, at least go down fighting, not whimpering like a whipped pup. Women like fighters and husbands that protect them. That's a fact. So far, you're falling way short of that. (I know, I know, I'm a meany)
Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
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