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I would move and find a place quite a distance away from the venue and find new venues where she can perform with your presence in the place. It could be quality time together.
(But write off the place she went to with OM).
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I would move and find a place quite a distance away from the venue and find new venues where she can perform with your presence in the place. It could be quality time together.
(But write off the place she went to with OM). Moving's going to be a sore point w/ WW. When's the right time to bring it up? She really likes our apartment. She doesn't seem too interested in performing right now but I bet that will change. Unfortunately, venues where she performed with OM is basically "all of them" within a 20 mile radius. We'll probably have to move an hour north and she'll need to transfer jobs. The sorest point for WW will be that she'll be moving from being 2 minutes from her parents to being an hour away.
BH (me), age 30. Plan D final 1/1/13
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Moving's going to be a sore point w/ WW.
Somehow, the "teary-sympathy" app on my smartphone seems to be malfunctioning!
With actions come consequences. Part of coming out of the affair fog is acknowledging and accepting (even begrudgingly) that the prior life will suffer from the fallout.
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OM made a pathetic attempt to communicate with WW. As far as I can tell, she hasn't reciprocated. He found photos of her posted by other people on Facebook, and left comments on them (where nobody else is commenting) enumerating where he'll be playing at open mic nights. I was going to just ignore it, and WW untagged herself in the photos. But I read Northwind's post in The Exposure Hurdle: Success Stories and got inspired. Should I call up OM and give him a piece of my mind? I foresee our conversation being of the variety of "Stop attempting to communicate with my wife. Comprende?" Oh, and the weasel has avoided picking up the Registered Mail no-contact letter sent to his/his mom's house.
Last edited by Qoheleth; 09/20/12 12:17 PM.
BH (me), age 30. Plan D final 1/1/13
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Q - yes call, do nothing in writing.
Also wanted to just let you know that kiss had been plan b'd by me earlier in the year (see my sig), he is just doing a piss-poor job of working on a marriagebuilders recovery. He doesn't think it's important(!)
~RQ
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I would absolutely attend an "open mic" night. I would follow his performance with a song of my own creation, entitled, "The Scumbag Who Just Performed Will Bone Your Wife If He Gets a Chance". It's a clever little ditty which I've prepared in rock and acoustic versions!
But that's just me....
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FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I would absolutely attend an "open mic" night. I would follow his performance with a song of my own creation, entitled, "The Scumbag Who Just Performed Will Bone Your Wife If He Gets a Chance". It's a clever little ditty which I've prepared in rock and acoustic versions!
But that's just me.... You kid, friend, but I just might actually do this. Is calling him from her phone's caller ID a good or a bad idea? Something tells me he'll be more likely to pick it up if he sees her number.
Last edited by Qoheleth; 09/20/12 01:17 PM.
BH (me), age 30. Plan D final 1/1/13
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Has she blocked OM on Facebook? Everytime she sees him it will reignite her feelings for him.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Has she blocked OM on Facebook? Everytime she sees him it will reignite her feelings for him. Yes, she has removed him (not sure of the nature of the block but I'll check it out more closely). She doesn't really want to see Facebook and removed the app from her phone and hasn't gone to it on her laptop. I'm the only using her FB account these days. She still uses her FB account username/password for Instagram and Pinterest, which, as far as I can tell, are entirely harmless.
BH (me), age 30. Plan D final 1/1/13
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I would block him. If she just removes him his posts on friends information/picture she will still his posts.
Another option is getting a joint account or deleting Facebook all together.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Should I call up OM and give him a piece of my mind? I foresee our conversation being of the variety of "Stop attempting to communicate with my wife. Comprende?" Yes, you should call him up. "Hey, OM? Hey it's Qoheleth, it's about time I got to hear your sniveling little sh*t a** voice. WTF do you think you're doing talking to my wife? You are just begging for an as* kicking because there are four of us here that would just love to pound your little as s into the ground. You'd better back the f off because if I get so much as a mouse fart's whiff of you again you're going to regret it." Well, that's what I told my OM but do what you think is best. It shouldn't take you but fifteen seconds to get your point across and really needs to be done.
Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
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You think I kid, Q? I believe you have me confused with one of the more rational posters here. This thread sums up my tenuous grasp of socially acceptable behavior. Tell you what, give me POSOM's first name, and I will compose some lyrics. Someone else will have to do the score!
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You think I kid, Q? I believe you have me confused with one of the more rational posters here. This thread sums up my tenuous grasp of socially acceptable behavior. Tell you what, give me POSOM's first name, and I will compose some lyrics. Someone else will have to do the score! Performed a cappella would do just fine, NG. Put it on youtube or something, sharing the link with us when it's done.
Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
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For $5 on fiverr you can have someone call the guy at midnight yelling.
That's a good option
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Has she blocked OM on Facebook? Everytime she sees him it will reignite her feelings for him. Yes, she has removed him (not sure of the nature of the block but I'll check it out more closely). She doesn't really want to see Facebook and removed the app from her phone and hasn't gone to it on her laptop. I'm the only using her FB account these days. She still uses her FB account username/password for Instagram and Pinterest, which, as far as I can tell, are entirely harmless. Do without Facebook. They are tagged in photos together and it's a modern day singles bar. My wife's affair started on Facebook. Cut it out before she becomes addicted to it
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Moving 1 hour is not 60 miles is not enough distance. You need to move 1,000 miles. To hard to hook up by car and flying and car rental/cabs to expensive.
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Moving 1 hour is not 60 miles is not enough distance. You need to move 1,000 miles. To hard to hook up by car and flying and car rental/cabs to expensive. If I read the story correctly, though they already did a significant move to get away from a different someone - is that right Q? The issue is not really how far they are from OM (of course they should avoid triggers) but whether their marriage can develop the habits and routines that will protect it from affairs - with anyone.
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Moving 1 hour is not 60 miles is not enough distance. You need to move 1,000 miles. To hard to hook up by car and flying and car rental/cabs to expensive. If I read the story correctly, though they already did a significant move to get away from a different someone - is that right Q? The issue is not really how far they are from OM (of course they should avoid triggers) but whether their marriage can develop the habits and routines that will protect it from affairs - with anyone. No they haven't moved. One big problem for us: our apartment is immediately next door to a coffee house/bar where she used to do musical performances, often with OM. They have open mic nights every Thursday (including last night). W was in a FOUL mood last night, although it was not directed towards me in the slightest.
I did not see OM's car anywhere and he didn't perform, and I doubt he'll be around (the owners of this establishment are friends and probably don't want their high-class coffee house/wine tasting establishment to have a reputation as a house of adultery), but I feel the memories for are painful. I am personally OK with living next door to it.
Do we need to move, and how soon?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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The sorest point for WW will be that she'll be moving from being 2 minutes from her parents to being an hour away. Oh, WAH WAH.  Maybe she should have thought about that before she inflicted this damage on your marriage.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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