See if she will agree to a weekend away. Look up McMenamin's. They have a few resorts in OR. Packages include your room, a meal, and movies if the site has them. The Grand Lodge has a frisbee golf course. There are pubs and restaurants on site, usually a Spa, and some nice sized soaking pools. Get someone to watch your DD and get in a 2-3 day getaway.... if you can.

KISS,


Quick question; did you choose your name for the familiar acornym Keep It Simple Silly?



Also, I suggest you begin following this list;


http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5010_qa.html

Would doing things like this be appropriate even when A continues, during Plan A? Or is it too much?

How does one do things like this when the appearance of "trying" makes the WW annoyed and frustrated by trying to make the (in her opinion) lost marriage work?

[quote=HoldHerHand]
As for the half [censored] exposure Road, I exposed to exactly the people I was initially told to expose to at WW work from the Vets here at MB. If that info was wrong, it really would have been nice to get the real deal before the first exposure, as I've already gone through jumping the hurdle to do the exposure and suffered the backlash. And now, have to do it all again. The first time I did it, I really feel it turned FIL/MIL against me and put them on her side. Not necessarily condoning having an affair, but very mad that I risked her losing her job and our only source of income thus endagering the well-being of our daughter, and also for going "public" with such a private matter.

2little, after what recently happened to DSC (his children being kidnapped by WW), please please please put eblaster on her phone. This will give you access to her texts and calls as well as GPS.

Anyway, it is very hard to plan A. You do it knowing that the A is still going on. But there is a reason there is a time limit to it. If you think you have reached your limit then go to plan b, but you must expose first.

So what are you going to for a job and a home and a car?? I'be seen sahm here do plan with 4 kids. I'm sure you can think of something!

Force is the control of the balance of power, in accordance with advantages.

In Plan A ... the BS restores their power to affect change. Plan A gives the BS an advantage with their intimate knowledge of their spouse's ENs.

Warfare is the Way of deception.

Deception meaning .... showing more strength than you might possess at that given time ! Hiding your weaknesses. Plan A ... not begging, crying, pleading ... standing tall and presenting a self ready to battle & fight for the marriage.

Therefore, if able, appear unable,

Plan A ... let your WS provide you with things that save your energy for future need.

if active, appear not active,

When snooping about like a squirrel searching for seeds of the affair, appear calm & serene ... Plan A snooping is done quietly & without announcing >>> "Ah-Ha ... Look what I found !". Be stealth.

if near, appear far,

Plan A ... keep your WS guessing where you are.

if far, appear near.

What seems just out of reach is sometimes more attractive. What seems a sure thing, is taken for granted.

If they have advantage, entice them;

Offer the WS goodies ... as in meet their ENs.

if they are confused, take them,

Plan A is confusing to the WS. They would prefer the BS appear ugly & unattractive in order to justify their cheating. It is confusing for the WS to see an attractive BS.

if they are substantial, prepare for them,

Plan A ... get all your ducks lined up. Legal preparations. Financial preparations. Spiritual preparations. Etc.

if they are strong, avoid them,

Plan A is not plan doormat. They can wipe their feet elsewhere, but not on your back. Accepting abuse is not an attractive trait.

if they are angry, disturb them,

LOL .... this is precicely Orchid's "reverse babble" .... The WS speaks with foggy tongue, disturb them with O's reverse babble.

if they are humble, make them haughty,

If the WS is over-confident, they become sloppy & make errors.

if they are relaxed, toil them,

Keeping an affair going is exhausting to the WS. It's like a juggling act. Throw the WS another ball to keep in the air. The affair will fall when the juggler becomes exhausted by the added effort.

if they are united, separate them.

Do not become the fool that encourages both the WS and the OP to join forces. If you act insane during Plan A, they have a common enemy to fight ~~~> YOU !

Attack where they are not prepared, go out to where they do not expect.

Do the UNexpected in Plan A. Keep the WS guessing & wondering.

This specialized warfare leads to victory, and may not be transmitted beforehand.

Do not give away your plans.... do not show the WS your books. Do not invite the WS to this site. Stealth.

Before doing battle, in the temple one calculates and will win, because many calculations were made

Plan ... you must have a Plan or you will suffer & be defeated.

before doing battle, in the temple one calculates and will not win, because few calculations were made

Don't waste time flailing about .... get organized & recruit helpers.

many calculations, victory, few calculations, no victory, then how much less so when no calculations

Do not proceed by your feelings alone. Develop your plan.

By means of these, I can observe them, beholding victory or defeat!

The BS who refuse to develop & follow a plan, are most likely to fail.

Sometimes a wayward spouse settles into a routine of having his or her cake and eating it too. In an effort to win the wayward spouse back, the betrayed spouse meets emotional needs that the lover cannot meet, while the lover meets emotional needs that the betrayed spouse has not learned to meet. While this competition is excruciatingly painful to the betrayed spouse, and the lover as well, the wayward spouse basks in the warmth of being loved and cared for by two people, with no real motivation to choose one over the other.

So, to avoid an indefinite period of suffering while a wayward spouse vacillates between spouse and lover, and to avoid rewarding the selfish behavior of having needs met by both spouse and lover, if plan A does not work within a reasonable period of time, I recommend plan B.

SO this morning, I told her good morning, asked her if she'd like a coffee, and made her one. Asked if she was feeling better since last night she was feeling a little ill.

A bit later we were on our way to do some errands and I put my hand on her leg and told her I had plans for us next Sunday and had a babysitter lined up.

She asked why DD can't go, I said, I guess she could, either way. She was seeming very uncomfortable and then said "are you still in denial". I told her I loved her and that she was the only one that wanted to D and I don't want to see her walk out of the lives of the two people who love her most in this world. She said she knows I don't want it, and she's only walking out on me and not DD, and we don't know what DD (who is 3.75) wants. "Who knows what 30 year old DD will say when looking back". I said, I assure you she doesn't want this, she doesn't want mommy and daddy to not be together. "She also doesn't want to be in a relationship where Mom is miserable" ww said.

Then she asked if I'm "going to sign the papers?" I said I'm willing to work on our marriage to create a loving, caring marriage where both of our needs are met. Then she said "there's nothing there, there is no love and it will never come back" I basically ignored this as jibber jabber and once again she asked if I "am going to sign the papers" to which I replied I'm not agreeing to anything at this point regarding signing anything and she said "ok, so you're going to be a non-signer, that's all I needed to know". Then weirdly, she started acting just fine and normal for the next few hours.

Later she went shopping for herself and when she came home stated she was going out tonight. I started working out today, and was feeling good, like I'd be fine regardless of how all this turns out, until she told me she was going out again.

I was trying not to LB, but hearing and seeing her get ready to go on a date was really pissing me off. She could tell and asked if I'm going to be pissy about it, to which I replied what do you think, I'm watching my wife get ready to go on a date. You're having an affair, of course I'm going to be pissed. She said she'd be going out regardless, affair or not. So then a bit later she starts asking me if her outfit looks good and all this other B-S and I told her, what does it matter what I think. Don't ask me anymore, I'm not going to tell you how hot you look so you can know your POSOM will think the same. Ask him. She asked one more time "pretend I'm going to work" I just gave her a look like you must be kidding me right? and she said "Bye" and walked out.

So, Yes I know many or most of you will say I should've taken the keys or done whatever to keep her from going out, but I cannot put her in lock-down anytime she is home for the next 6 months. Not once have I seen Dr. H say that is what one should do. The story of Jon and Sue in SAA clearly states Jon knew the A was continuing and that Sue was lying about it. So that's what I've got going on here. I did a bunch of reading last night about the Plan A and how it is essentially a competition and that I'm to do no LB's and make myself more appealing than POSOM. This, from what I understand can go on up to 6 months or more, when an a WW refuses to end the A.

So, my question is, how in hell, am I supposed to play it cool and be all perfect Plan A, when my W is camped out in the bathroom dolling up and getting dressed for a night out when I know she's going to see that F'n POS?!

Also, should I not find out from a lawyer exactly what I will be able to do legally if she won't end the A (Stick), ie. custody, child support, spousal support and so on? I feel once I play that card (the Stick, which I did the night of confrontation)not knowing what I will/should actually be able to do, she will start doing her homework and try to F me out of custody or whatever else I may have a better chance at if I initiate it. Hope all that makes sense.

F'd night.

Planning to expose higher up at work on Monday.

Road, I could give a S about the movie, I was asked if I got it, I was simply answering the question. Not relying on it for anything.

Oh and you also need to be using a vAR (hidden) at all times in the house.
Don't put it past your wife to falsely accuse you of abuse

I could start working probably tomorrow. But have no money for daycare. And if I did, I'd have to be biking and riding the bus to the job which would be an hour each way. Been looking and applying for any job which will work in my situation, but only been looking for night work since WW works days. I could use the car at night. But this assumes we continue to live like roommates, where my roommate ignores me and her DD and goes out and F's OM.

Does Plan B assume both spouses are working?