2 x 2,

Please listen to HDW and Northwood amongst all the others. You are at risk of "Plan doormat", my friend. Time to get the stick...please hear them.

Plan B is designed to protect the betrayed spouse.
It often kills the affair because it forces the affair partners (a happened with Jon and Sue) to rely on each other to meet all emotional needs.

No it should not be ignored. Part of the stick of plan A is to confront her and tell her you know that she is lying.
You vehemently oppose the affair (stick) while being loving (carrot).
I think she's going to bars and meeting men. Is this possible? Does she smell like alcohol?

***EDIT***

Posted this several days ago, but got no direct response to my questions (in red). Things I'm doing/done are in strikethrough.

This is the main reason I haven't really implement the stop the Affair or I'm going go for full custody, the car, spousal support, child support etc, aspect of "the stick". As soon as she hears that, I'm very certain she will start doing her homework and try to do everything she can to prevent it. She is extremely smart and when she sets her mind to do something, she will do it and exceedingly well. I'm going to start looking for a lawyer tomorrow. Luckily, when I was running my business, I had done work for two attorneys and both of them are good friends. Don't think either do divorce, but I'm sure they can refer me. What do I need to look for in a divorce attorney. Never hired an attorney in my life, and it's critical now that I get the right one for the (potential) job.

Would that not be the start of Plan B then?



I will check into this. Good tip. I'm the only one going in there at night when DD is cold and needs covers put on. Usually a couple times a night. Always has been me, so W could sleep since she was working. When DD was younger, sometimes I would spend hours in her room trying to get her back to sleep, then try to get out quietly only for her to hear the squeaky floor and I'd have to start all over. Ahh, those were the days. W never had to deal with that. At least not directly.

So how do I know when it's time to move to Plan B? I don't want to do it too soon, but the pessimistic side of me says Plan A ain't doing S*. Though I know the idea is No Expectations and self improvement regardless of outcome.

To which she will reply, it doesn't matter, there is nothing to this M anymore (or something along those lines).

No, she's going to the bar with her POSOM. and who knows what else. Today she claimed to be going shopping, but came home with no groceries and and a lie about a "class" she attended at the local health food store that she did in fact go to, only there was no classes today. I'm sure she went there and spent the rest of the time seeing that F.

So, I had an idea on how to start making this POS's life hell. If there's a reason anyone can think of that I should NOT do this, please tell me.

I'm thinking about making a flyer. Saying something like:

"R.S. on Floor 2 is a homewrecker and is destroying my family. I'm trying to save my M and family. If you have any influence on him, please persuade him to stop."

And thought about putting a picture of my the three of us (not sure about this, as I'm not crazy about distributing DD's picture) on the flyer, and standing outside their work and handing them to the people that work in the building as they go in in the morning and/or at lunch time.

Also, had an idea to make a poster board type thing that says something like, "Watch out, the guy who lives here is a homewrecker" and walk back and forth in front of his house, on the public sidewalk. Not crazy about doing this personally, but I need to make this guys life hell.

Don't think there would be anything illegal about doing this, as it seems to be the same as picketing someplace. It's not slander as it is the truth.

Thoughts?

Also, going to do more digging and try to track down this POS's family for further exposure.

More ideas on making this guys life hell? Aside from the 3am phone calls from China or India (wherever it was)?

Just looking to put pressure directly on this F. Make his life uncomfortable.

Also want to be very careful and not do something that will hurt me when/if it comes time for a custody battle.

Your attorney friends can refer you to a good attorney.
I was blessed to have one in my fraternity but go off of referral.

Your wife's boyfriend is a lowlife scum. Absolute leech on families and marriages.
I think you would be better off backing away from him (don't carry a protest sign or hand out flyers) and focus on yourself and your daughter.
When you confront your wife, I understand she will say the marriage is over. You need only look her in the eyes and say You are lying and commuting adultery " then walk away.

It is one thing to hide an affair. Your wife actually taunts you by asking how nice she looks for her date. She is wicked. She may not have always been. But she is now.
And it seems she just wants to be a drunk whore.

As an outsider looking in, I think you would be better off divorcing her ASAP.
However I understand you may not want to. If not I encourage you to attend AlAnon meetings so that her actions won't make you insane. And believe me, her actions are affecting you. Because a sane person would not want to be with someone that treats them like this.

***EDIT***

Until you make the A more trouble than it is worth, it sounds like she is most likely going to continue.

1) Expose further - Hit other key targets put the spotlight on the A wherever possible
2) Approach POSOM and let him know you are going to fight for your M and make his life hell - and then DO it
3) Continue to not LB but at the same time be FIRM about your expectations and do not make it easy on her to see him. Use words like 'adultery partner' when referring to POSOM
4) Make it perfectly clear what a D will look like - paint an aweful picture
5) Do not enable her one bit. Be strong and decisive in your actions

You cannot control her. But you can control you. Remember, A's are an addiction. Treating it as such will get the best results.

Unitl you remove the source of the addiction, no positive results for your M will happen.

Pull out all the stops to end the illusion.

You ask when to plan B?
I think you should now. Unless you want to zipper up your wife's dress for her next date with the lowlife scum.

I remember my ex wife actually and home from sleeping with the guy, said she enjoyed the sex and left her pants and underwear in our family washing machine. I was angry. But I didn't do anything.

Fast forward a few months and when she moved out she left underwear and clothes. I donated her dresses to goodwill and BURNED her underwear in a bonfire. Good riddance to that crazy cheating behavior.

Just a few months away from her and I was able to think much clearer. I reached a point where I was so physically, emotionally exhausted that I couldn't go on.
Then I admitted her behavior was more than I could handle. It was something I could not control. I could only control my actions. So I gave her to God to take care of. Today she lives with the same drug addict boyfriend and I have custody of my children. I know that she will go through misery and I feel sorry for her. But I also know that God can help her more than I can.

Totally your call but I would not plan B yet.

I wouldn't do it until you have exhaused your options in Plan A right now. Personally, I think you can hit this thing harder before you pull out. If you plan B and separate right now..most likely it will fuel the A further.

But, your call. You have to remember it took a long time for her love for you to die and will take a long time for her feeling for OM to subside and rekindle with you.

Don't think you have exhausted your current resources yet to go to Plan B.

20 she is askin him how her [censored] looks in her dress for her date.
She is abusing him. It is pure abuse.
The best thing he could do is get away from her toxicity.
Asking him to live with her is like asking someone to live with a raging drunk. What's the point? To be a survivor?

It is too soon for plan b. Get an attorney, the toughest one you can find. Have her served. Do everything you can to find the other man's family. Expose to his mother, siblings, everyone you can find. He needs to be exposed.

Appeal to your in laws. Explain that you are trying to break up an adulterous affair and that your wife is brazenly flaunting her sexcapades in your face.

Tell your wife she will in no way carry out her affair in front of you. Tell her she isn't going anywhere in that car without you and dd.

Plan A while you're working on the rest of this.

INSIST THAT SHE NOT CARRY OUT HER AFFAIR IN FRONT OF YOU and if that means hiding the car keys, that's what you do.

2little do you have a church family?

You are entitled to your opinion as I am to mine. So is he. I happen to disagree with your assessment and approach.

I was able to save my M after my FWW's A by using good judgment. My judgment call at this stage is to not go into Plan B yet for the reason as described above.

Again, his call.

+1

Any A is abuse. Of course she is abusing you right now. That is what an A is. Abuse.

She 'feels' that her love for you is dead. She 'feels' like she is in love with OM. Her life is being driven by her 'feelings'.

Until the A is busted up and her head comes back down from the clouds, she is validating her feelings by justifying she is in love with him. How else could she justify her actions? No other way.

You don't throw the baby out with the bathwater here either. In the end, she still might stay in crazy town mentally but you don't want to look back and say 'what if's'. There is more you can do now before you go into plan b.

Plan b at this stage is going to just allow them to sail off into the sunset leaving you in the dust.

Is that what you want? Have you put up your best fight yet?