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Since you all sound like my wife and seem to think there is no other way of interpreting my friendships with other women what do I do.
I have apologized and she says it wasn't a sincere apology.
I have given up alot of friends.
I think I've been trying for the last 6 months. The latest friend who I talked with about the marriage was probably 1.5 years ago.
My wife just found out (there's really nothing to find out)and she is calling it deceit when it was just an omission because it was no big deal. This friend has recently gotten a divorce and my wife now thinks she is too dangerous to have around. I think she a bit too sensitive when she says that this woman and I both deceived her. She says she feels like she's the odd man out. I don't get this. She also seems to think that this "smacks of grooming". As if i spilled a little info to this woman to see if she'd keep my confidence, and so then I'd know I had a place to go for help and comfort when I need it. Doesn't this sound hysterical???
She is spitting mad and moved into the spare bedroom, won't talk to me, and is making such a big deal of nothing. I don't know if I can take it.
I've apologized and I think that should be it. She seems to expect perfection.
Go ahead hit me! No I don't think Ill bother. This site and our free advice is for people serious about marriage. You are only serious about looking out for yourself. Let us know when you are serious. I'm out. I really do hope you are a troll, because otherwise your cruelty and gaslighting is horrendous. Either way, youre a waste of our time. Bye.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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What is wrong with me that I cannot admit to wrongdoing?
I think she'll leave me if I admit anything. She says I'm lying to myself that there was nothing between me and any other woman. Well, I am the one who knows my heart.
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I'm punding my head!  Pounding, that is. msaccused, why do you ? msaccused say's I because it feels good when I stop. 
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I don't get it.
My friends (good christian men) understand me and know that I don't mean anything by these relationships and they think my wife is out of bounds. They think she should move forward.
Why are you MB's so right??
It's an honest question.
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That's because you need to give what you promised in your vows. Here is HOW you'll get it.... When you sit down with your wife and become Honest, Open & Willing. My friends (good christian men) understand me and know that I don't mean anything by these relationships and they think my wife is out of bounds. They think she should move forward.
Why are you MB's so right??
It's an honest question. As another "Christian Man" that always said opposite sex friendships are OK...... OH, I forgot to mention, I HAD AN AFFAIR because of that mindset. Most of the men I know, "Christian Men", ascribe to protecting their wife and their marriages by "NOT" allowing opposite sex friendships in their lives. It really is very simple! When we fight to keep women as friends, even a blind man can see the arrogance and foolishness..... But a wayward can see nothing except themselves, which is why marital seperation is the safest plan for your wife. As a Christian, until you accept what scripture says about marriage, you're not safe as a spouse. (I was not safe either) Scripture says to Love your wife as Christ loved the Church. He was willing to lay everything down. That is the love we are called to give. Are you willing to Love your wife? Honor Her? Cherish Her?
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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Forsaking all others......
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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I don't get it.
My friends (good christian men) understand me and know that I don't mean anything by these relationships and they think my wife is out of bounds. They think she should move forward.
Why are you MB's so right??
It's an honest question. These men are not friends to your marriage. While you're chucking friends, get rid of these, too. NOBODY should be allowed to say your wife is out of bounds. Why aren't you upset with them for saying such a disparaging thing about your wife? Do you want to stay married?
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)
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I don't get it.
My friends (good christian men) understand me and know that I don't mean anything by these relationships and they think my wife is out of bounds. They think she should move forward.
Why are you MB's so right??
It's an honest question. It's a stupid question because you are not married to them, are you? So it doesn't matter what they think, it matters what your wife thinks. You are asking why it is right to stop hurting your wife?  These "men" are not Christians if they think it is ok to hurt your wife. Once again, you put someone ELSE before your wife. She just needs to separate from you.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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To the MBers following this farce of a thread...
Remember the FIL, I told you about who I said was laughed at and pitied as an egotisical old fool?
He's very popular, bizarrely. I've seen him speak horrible insults about his wife to others. He'll say "jealousy is a horrible sickness, isn't it?"
Stunned and horrified the cornered friend says 'yes'. He prances off then to dance with some grinning woman as everyone looks a bit aghast. Then they will ask me if his marriage is OK. I even seen some of these shocked people then warn his wife to 'watch him'. Some people even tell her to leave him.
He has NO IDEA. None. No one says it to his face.
He runs with a church crowd too. Church people can be a bit too polite.
They laugh at him all the time but they will never speak out. They see it as his responsibility to grow up on his own.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Dr Harley covered this subject on 9-24 on the radio and he told the wife to separate from her husband. Her husband was a playah and a big flirt. He advised the wife to separate.
That is what your wife needs to do, son.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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My friends (good christian men) understand me If these faux-Christian men claim to understand you, and you want to recover your marriage, you need to run far, far away from them. Cut them off like a cancerous tumor. If you want to get the real story, you and your wife should meet with them and their wives and THEN ask them what they think. I'll bet their "understanding" would change very quickly. 
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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I wonder if the Christian men allow him to have private meetings with their wives? In which he and these women are verbally trashing their marriages?
Surely it would be 'out of bounds' for them to object?
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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I wonder if the Christian men allow him to have private meetings with their wives? 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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"When the character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends."
your friends are men who tell you its okay to have women other than your wife as friends who you meet without your wife and your friends are women who are not your wife who think its fine meeting alone with a married man.
Re-craft your friendships and by doing so.....perhaps yourself and your marriage.
Your wife ought to be your most intimate and true friend and all others should support that. Period.
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MSaccused, here's something I learned the hard way on opposite-sex friendships:
The only such friendships that are advisable are friendships where your wife (and the other woman's husband, if she is married) is(are) party to every correspondence & approves of the content -- substance, style & tone -- of the discussion. Other than under those circumstances, you're just pokin' at a hornet's nest.
And talking with an opposite-sex friend about issues in your marriage (or hers) is never OK. As soon as any conversation veers onto that territory, the only proper & safe response is to redirect the conversation onto another topic and, if the other person persists, to specifically recommend that he/she discuss it with a professional.
You have no business discussing your marriage with another woman; and no woman who's not your wife has any business condoning your sharing "confidences" in her.
I knew a woman once who started sharing "confidences" with me about issues she was having in her marriage. Like a fool, I listened. That was almost 4 years ago. And I've spent more than 1,000 days since then wishing I'd never given that woman the time of day. Because I ended up getting into an affair with her. I stupidly put my foot out on a slippery slope the first time I listened to her & didn't shut the cnoversation down. I figured I was grown-up enough (hell, I was 41 years old) to put the brakes on anytime, and I was stupid enough (stupid as you are, for sure) to decide to selfishly enjoy the thrill of having another woman share confidences with me. And if you're looking for emotional "comfort" (your own word, not mine) from a woman who's not your wife, you're already halfway down that slope, my good buddy. That's so, even if you've got your head too far up your own crack to realize the truth of it.
And your "Christian men" friends? I'll wager that most self-professed Christian men have no clue about what causes affairs. I was such a Christian man myself.
If you've got questions, ask.
Me: FWH, 50
My BW: Trust_Will_Come, 52, tall, beautiful & heart of gold
DD23, DS19
EA-then-PA Oct'08-Jan'09
Broke it off & confessed to BW (after OW's H found out) Jan.7 2009
Married 25 years & counting.
Grateful for forgiveness. Working to be a better husband.
"I wear the chain I forged in life... I made it link by link, and yard by yard" ~Jacob Marley's ghost, A Christmas Carol
"Do it again & you're out on your [bum]." ~My BW, Jan.7 2009
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Very childish.
His wife brings up a pressing issue, which as a grown man she expects him to deal with appropriately.
Does he? Does he heck.
He goes out with his friends and whines like a teenager.
Then comes home and says 'But But but ....my friends are allowed to'
When really they are just being yes men. Real friends would tell him he's an embarassment.
I really hope her separation arrangements are going well. She must be very fed up of being the only grown up around.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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I wonder if the Christian men allow him to have private meetings with their wives? Ah but of course they all find it more productive to gang up and criticise MS's poor wife, while keeping their own safe at home. As a woman who is divorcing herself, I would be HORRIFIED if my friend's husband showed up at my home to comfort me. That is a seriously creepy and vulnerable vulture move on a distressed woman. I have even written a thread called 'vultures' about people like you. Divorcing women get lots of OS friendships offered to them, in these, their darkest hours. Usually from married men. Yuck.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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My friends (good christian men) understand me and know that I don't mean anything by these relationships and they think my wife is out of bounds.
And their Christianity is best demonstrated by.....??
Going to church? Putting something in the collection basket? Singing well, or at least loudly?
If your version of "Christianity" is at all similar to mine, the sacrament of marriage forms a man and a woman into "one flesh", loosely translated into including the needs and desires of each into that of both. Do you understand that idea? You can no more casually or maliciously hurt or insult your bride than you could do so unto yourself. Her pain is meant to be your pain. You are joined before God into ONE BEING, before Him.
Look, I'm no great religious scholar (CP and CV: Help!), but ask those good Christion men of your acquaintance to explain how they feel your bride is being unreasonable when the one person, to whom she is immutably joined, would hurt her so egregiously and viciously. I would like to hear their answers.
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Ding, ding, ding!!! One nugget of truth... If you want to be divorced, keep dismissing your wife's concerns, feelings, and VALID complaints...just don't whine that you are surprised as she has clearly told you for YEARS and you don't care. I'm still wondering why you even want to be married to a woman you describe as crazy, hysterical, oversensitive and who you obviously think is stupid. 
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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...He goes out with his friends and whines like a teenager.
Then comes home and says 'But But but ....my friends are allowed to'
When really they are just being yes men. Real friends would tell him he's an embarassment. ...  When a handful of clueless people get together and pool their collective cluelessness, this typically doesn't result in raising anyone's knowledge level.
For advice from friends to be worth anything, someone in the group of friends has to be able to tell his own [censored] from first base & actually know what he's talking about on the subject being discussed!
Me: FWH, 50
My BW: Trust_Will_Come, 52, tall, beautiful & heart of gold
DD23, DS19
EA-then-PA Oct'08-Jan'09
Broke it off & confessed to BW (after OW's H found out) Jan.7 2009
Married 25 years & counting.
Grateful for forgiveness. Working to be a better husband.
"I wear the chain I forged in life... I made it link by link, and yard by yard" ~Jacob Marley's ghost, A Christmas Carol
"Do it again & you're out on your [bum]." ~My BW, Jan.7 2009
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