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I am reading the posts. It's fascinating. It's maddening. Have you read anything by the creator of this site, Dr. Willard Harley? We here posting are all peers, not professionals. Dr. Harley has been married nearly fifty years. He and his wife Joyce have preserved the feeling of romantic love for their entire marriage. He is a clinical psychologist who has counseled marriages for forty some odd years. He has saved thousands of couples from divorce, thousands of couples from infidelity, and thousands of couples from not being in love. Have you read one single word of what he has to say on this site? He is the expert. This site is more than the forum. The forum exists to help learn and discuss Dr. Harley's concepts. We can help you use those concepts to save your marriage and recover from this situation, but not if you are so lazy you won't read them. I insist upon my innocents. We see it differently. Insisting on your innocence is a waste of time. Good, your innocent. Wonderful. Lovely. It must be nice to be right when your marriage is falling apart and your wife is miserable. At least you are right! At least you are innocent! Would you like for your wife to be happy? It is in your power to give her happiness. Assuming you aren't lazy and self-centered. Right now it looks like you are more focused on yourself (i.e., whether or not you are innocent) than on her feelings (she is miserable, and you can learn to change that). Right now it looks like you are too lazy to learn what to do to change her feelings. I'm getting a bit suspicious becasue how did you know that we fight about all those things. We have seen the same marital problems repeated thousands of times here. I've listened to thousands of hours of Dr. Harley on the radio. Your story is not unique.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
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I don't know how it came to this. I don't think I'm doing anything so different from years past. My wife seems unreachable. She is not unreachable. You just don't want to learn how to reach her. Not hard enough to click a few links and read. Certainly not hard enough to actually follow the recommendations you'll find.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
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I knew she wanted more but I guess I like my independence. Giving her happiness is within your power. Since I noticed you are consulting with your pastor, I thought I'd throw out this verse of Holy Scripture: "My little children, let us not love in word, nor in tongue, but in deed, and in truth." http://bible.cc/1_john/3-18.htmLooks savable to me, but I've studied what to do here. One thing you can do is claim it's impossible and use that as an excuse to not learn how it's possible.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Joined: Jan 2010
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But she also said that this would be a sort of peace but not really healing for her. If I'm innocent, what else could I do???? You take the cake, MS. I posted links yesterday for you to learn what you could do. You didn't read them; instead you came back to whine that it's impossible and ask what else you can do. And you're not really asking because you want an answer. You're asking rhetorically; you're really telling us that you can't do anything. We're the wrong people to say that to, of course, since we are familiar with Dr. Harley's plan to save marriages and know that there is something you can do. For starters, you can click the links I gave yesterday and start reading. For your wife's healing, here is what you can do: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5042_qa.htmlhttp://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5042b_qa.htmlhttp://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5042c_qa.htmlThese articles are all included in the links I gave you to read yesterday.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
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ML, you are a mean, mean person. But, in spite of myself, I busted up laughing.
MB people can make you look so bad.
Goodnight. ML is also some of the best help you can get here. I encourage you to stay on her good side, follow her advice, and live up to her standards. MelodyLane cares more about your wife than you do. If you'll listen to her, you'll do what it takes to care for your wife. Care is an action, not just words.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
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MS, since you didn't read a word I said yesterday or read the links I posted,
but you did come back to this site posting questions that could've been answered from the links I posted,
And since you've indicated you are a good Christian man who goes to church and consults with your pastor in important life issues,
I wanted to share with you another thought from Holy Scripture:
[url=http://bible.cc/james/1-19.htm]
"You know, my dearest brethren. And let every man be swift to hear, but slow to speak, and slow to anger."
You would benefit from doing more listening and less talking. At least on this site that offers help to save marriages.
MelodyLane puts it this way (she learned it from Alcoholics Anonymous years ago): "Young man, take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth."
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
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Read this site (the material written by the expert, Dr. Willard Harley -- the video and links I posted), and do what it says, and this will get better.
Question: are you lazy?
Answer: we'll find out. If you actually read and do what the site says, you're pretty industrious! If you're lazy, we'll know because you won't read or do these things. I hope the silence means you're reading diligently.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Joined: Jan 2008
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So, what do I do about the past mistakes.
My wife seems as if nothing will suffice but that I admit some wrongdoing. She gets mad mad mad when I say, "okay i'll stop". That doesn't seem to do it.
I know we've been having this argument for years but what can I do? All I can do is go forward.
She wants a poly and she wants to ask all these questions and it won't do any good digging up the past.
She has a problem with forgiveness and she's a bitter woman.
I just want to move forward.
She keeps bringing up the past. And she also says it's her present (as one of you posted) but as, I said, I've given up alot of friends. I get no credit.
I will not admit to doing anything wrong. MS Ironic you come on here proclaiming your innocence and will not give your W a clean slate to work with. Another item we usually don't buy here is BLAMESHIFTING. She has a problem with forgiveness and she's a bitter woman. In terms of FOGBABBLE it means and others correct me if I am wrong...... MY wife may find out the real truth if I submit to the poly! Huge lovebuster to assume your W can not handle the truth. The truth is what sets you free.....Hmmm.... read that in a book somewhere.... Also frees your W of all the gaslighting <---(You might want to google this) you do and have done. nESRE nESRE
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Joined: Nov 2010
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FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Thanks BH! MS Any of this stuff ring a bell for you? Can't we just forgive & forget?
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Joined: Mar 2010
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![[Linked Image from a3.twimg.com]](http://a3.twimg.com/profile_images/116607635/jiminy_cricket_normal.jpg) Hmmmmmmm, nothing from our correspondent since the early hours of 26 September. Does anyone hear......crickets?
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Hmmmmmmm, nothing from our correspondent since the early hours of 26 September. Does anyone hear......crickets?
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Because you people are MEAN!! 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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