Should I block her phone access? (cell phone is on my plan).

I dont have a ton of experience. What I can tell you is it has been 10 months since d-day for me and it has been one hell of an ordeal. We are going to make it and our relationship is better than it has ever been. You can make it too but it is going to be hell. What saved my marriage is that we never seperated. Living together makes the situation tougher but it holds you together. If you split up you will begin to strenghten the independent lives. Do what ever you can to keep her living with you. If she moves out you have a much tougher task of preventing the affair and lifting the fog.
There we so many times I wanted to kick my wife out, or just not come home. But I pushed though it and I am so happy I did continue to come home and never pushed he our. I know you situtaion is different but don't let her move out and dont kick her out.

Dont be afraid of marriage counselers. There are a lot of good ones out there too. I suggest finding a licensed family and marriage couseler. We could have saved or selves a lot of pain and hardship if we would hve looked for a good counselor sooner. But like most people were afraid because of the horror stories we have been told. Find a counselor that is committed to saving your marriage.

I want to kick her out so bad!!! I will try not to do it for the kids.

We have a session tomorrow but it's hard to imagine things will change because I asked her does she want to save the marriage(family) or go with the guy.

Her response was the guy. Her attitude has always been stubborn. Afraid there is no turning back for her.

Exposed her and him
doing plan A (reading it everyday)
Therapy session tomorrow

Pray.......

But it's freaking hard. All you gals and guys who made it, are simply amazing people.

And you will make it too, no matter how things turn out.

It ain't called "surviving" for nothing

You will, too.

It is the hardest thing I will ever do...but following the MB plan and listening to the vets will give you direction and solace.

Godspeed.

Who did you expose to on OM's side?

Do you pay the cell bill?

I pay for the cell. OM is single. And no close friends know him. But her father, mother, brothers are giving her hell for leaving. She told me I turned them against her.

I stuck to plan A and said, do not blame me for this. I didn't force you to have an affair.

She is pissed, left the house with no driver license or wallet. Don't even know if she will go to therapy now....


O well, I got 3 kids to watch.

You guys at least hep me get may manhood back.

Oh, you've got your manhood, sir. We're going to help you keep it. No rolling over for a wayward wife.

Is she using the cell to conduct her affair and you pay the bill? Turn her phone off.

Have you at least exposed OM on facebook? Guarantee you will hit someone close to him on his side.

Good job for exposing on her side, but you need to expose on his side.

LS, you need to tell your son about all this and now. I mean right now. This is THE most effective exposure target you have at the moment. Your child is 8 years old. I'm betting he's smarter (and wiser) than most 8 year olds when I was at that age.

You're doing yourself (and him) a grave disservice by not telling him the truth about why his family is about to implode. He deserves to know the truth about what's happening and why. He will respect you for treating him like he deserves to be treated, not to mention reinforce everything you've taught him about honesty and integrity. Practice what you preach. He needs one honest parent right now, and that parent is you.

Lost,
I didnt know how to expose either. I emailed the Radio Show and Dr Harley explained how and why to talk to kids. You can listen to his answer here:

Go to 8:40 in this clip: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/radio_program/play_segment.cfm?sid=3694

and then it finishes up here: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/radio_program/play_segment.cfm?sid=3695

You have two positive choices:

Choice A: Block the affair partners number. The reason why is because marital funds should not be used to finance adultery. That would be a form of enabling

Choice B: do not block the phone number. If you block the affair partners number she will just buy an affair phone. If she continues using the current phone you can install spyware on it and use the intel gathered to kill the affair

Finding a counselor is a waste of time. It will harm your marriage
The first step towards recovery is to kill this affair.

Going to marriage therapy will damage your marriage.
You need to stop all marriage counseling and focus on killing the affair.
Affairs are killed through exposure.
You need to expose to OM family. His parents a siblings. All of his married friends on Facebook. If there is any connection to work it needs exposed to the employer.

You need to expose to your kids and all of OM family and friends tonight on Facebook

When I exposed to my children (6 and 8 then), I basically told them that Dad was having an affair with OW (make sure you identity OP by name so your child knows who POSOM is), that he did not want to be married anymore and would be moving out (I had told my WH to leave.) Exposure was before I found MB and within 30 min of my Dday launch so I probably could have choosen better words but the jist of it would have still been the same. Later there was further discussion with them about life lessons and why affairs are wrong...you can combine all this now since your exposure to DS8 will be better prepared.

You want to expose but don't overwhelm him either. Let him ask questions, be truthful in an age appropriate way, reassure him he is loved, and let him know he can come to you with questions, concerns, etc at anytime.

A radio clip from Dr. Harley telling children even as young as 4.

The Harley's discuss telling the children even as young as 4 about the affair

Well i did tell my child. He asked questions but i don't think he really wanted to know.

I am continuing to stick with Plan A. I can't expose the OM friends because he is not FB friends with her. The only hope i have now is Plan A. Killing the affair isn't working out so well because i did the exposure and she still chooses OM. The OM has no wife, no girlfriend to expose. His realitives are in another country.

Plan A with the anchor of kids happeness is currently my best weapons.

AS for Therapy, i talked to the therapist and he is against divorce and he is absolutely against affairs. He tells me all the right things he will do to make it heal. Since this is early in the affair stage, i need to try everything.

Sadly, i think even before this, my WW has always been stubborn on decisions...My hope went from 90% to 50% (when she keeps repeating she wants to be with the guy, especially after her trip)

I know I can make it through this (either together or happily seperated) but i am not enjoying the journey to it.

Thanks guys for all you feedback.

What country is OM from?
If he is getting financial support from an old country they may not be happy to know he is here having sex with married women