I drove to her house.

Here Dr. H talks about confronting OM.
"I encourage BH to confront OM" Dr. Harley

Besides listening to the clips read the thread because BWs talk about confronting OWs.

After my husband's affair and no contact was established his ow tried to call from another.
My husband answered the phone and realized it was her and hung up.
I called her back, let it ring a hundred times, she finally answered.
I made it clear to her that she was to never contact my husband or any of my family ever again, if she did I was take action against her.
she sounded very meek and said nothing to defend herself at the end I said do you understand what we both have said to you "no contact" means just that.
She quietly said yes and I told her not to cross the line again or I would make her life a living hell.

She never contacted him again.
Not something I wanted to do, but when push comes to shove I would not just lay down without a fight.
Ow don't usually get it they are so self absorbed, but at least she is looking over her shoulder knowing I am watching his whole life in case she tries anything.
She has herself a warrior to deal with now if she loses her marbles again and tries to contact MY husband.
Let her try!!!!

All OW1 contact was before I found MB. First phone call was trying to get/validate info I had from other sources and also I suppose to satisfy the morbid curiosity of what she had to say for herself. Nothing unexpected from her...mostly lame justifications and how she really wasn't the ho I thought she was. If nothing else, it drove home to me how delusional an OW can be. Second phone call was because her BH/WH (yes he was a WH too) was becoming unglued and I told her if he didn't knock it off all their dirty laundry would be waving in the air. I told BH/WH this too and he slinked off.

The email only came about after OW mailed the A gifts that WH had given her, to my house (three mo post Dday) and sent me an email to tell me if she were in my shoes she'd want to know. I had asked her about gifts during one of the phone calls and she denied any...I did not believe her back then but arguing with her was not the purpose of the phone call. Anyway, I responded to her email to thank her for showing me how pathetic she was/is to hold onto the A gifts this long especially since WH dumped her on Dday. I also put in some A details with places and dates so that she knew WH had barfed up the gore (which I could validate with other sources too vs just WH word) and was not protecting their special lurve. Made a few digs then told her leave me alone.

OW2 - The phone call she picked up - I told her I wanted to talk to BH and it is would only be a matter of time before I did. She was tongue tied. I said whatever and hung up. She sends me a pathetic email trying to apologize, spin her story and cover her butt. Twatscicle doesn't know I have already spoken to her BH or what evidence I have. I responded and told her to save it...that WH already admitted to a PA and that if we ended up divorce that she would be named as an adultery partner in my decree...yeah for public records! I told her if she contacted WH to whine about this email, I'd be calling her BH; that my children knew of the affair and she'd never be welcome, blah, blah. I told her if she still had her delusional head stuck in her [censored]...she might want to consider the following...put in specific details that plainly showed her how/when WH lied to her...threw in some LOLs too. Unless she is a sociopath, my words would have cut her and she should have been ashamed. I made sure to leave a sting in the closing lines. Haven't heard a peep from her since that email and yes she (and OW1 too) is listed in my divorce decree as never being allowed around my children in any way, shape or form.

Use the particulars of your situation to pack a punch is my best advice. The two OW in my case were in lurve with my WH and thought they would be riding off into the sunset together. They were humped and dumped...and I made sure they knew it. If your OW is just a ho getting her kicks, your approach would have to be different.

I was the OW. In my case, I asked to talk to the betrayed wife. We talked on the phone and then we met in person (I asked if we could. My husband came with me).

I asked her to forgive me in person. She wanted to meet with me because she had no truth about her life. I answered all her questions, and she was grateful .

Our meeting was very beneficial for many reasons. I was glad to look her in the eye and make things right, though it was scary. I was glad to let her know the truth. I was also glad for the truth she told me---OM had lied to me too (big surprise) and she uncovered his lies to me. It kicked me into reality.

I know we wayward wives don't deserve any pity etc. We chose to do this awful thing. We acted like pigs rutting around, hoes, etc. I know this. But some of us really are sorry for hurting other people, and some of us really want to make things right. And some us really want to leave the OM alone.

I'm just saying...

Just expect that she's probably going to lie, lie, lie, lie and lie some more!

FF,

Please forgive my cynicism. In Nov 2009, I received a very apologetic email from the OW. I thought it was sincere and thanked her. In Feb 2010, OWH told me that he had required his wife to write the email and it took her more than 2 hours to write five sentences. During the time OW wrote the email, she and H were in contact via telephone and email, and H was planning to leave me. As has been said on MB so many times, the lies and betrayal are so much worse than the actual affair.

BTW, FF, looking the OMW in the eyes did not make it right.

AM

AM, it's okay. I'm not looking for sympathy or pity or warm fuzzy feelings for an OW. I'm only offering my experience as an OW to this poster who asked a question.

Maybe he will not get the truth from the OW. But maybe there are a few who are tired of the lies and just want to live a decent life again.

We do exist, and I think we can offer something here !

And BTW, AM, I know looking her in the eyes did not make it right. BUt it is SOMETHING toward compensation. I know the principles of the MB program and so do you.
Blessings to you.
FF

That's selfish though.


That is a good thing for all parties involved...BSs and WSs


No WS or AP can really make things right. There is Just Compensation but the affairs and lies cannot be undone. Best thing is to have NC and leave to OP and BS alone whether or not any marriages survive.

FF's OW is not remotely remorseful and even if she was, FF should take steps to protect her family from OP.

Finding,

There are many former WW's here. They are good people who did a terrible thing and are hugely remorseful. I do not believe this description applies to either the OW in my case or the OW in this thread. End T/J

AM

Father's Eyes, good luck to you. Hope you are on your way to getting the answers you need. Lot's of good advice on here.

Yes. She left them with her "abusive, crazy" BH... They know about the A.

Your assessment of the OW is correct. She is like a gnat. She won't go away until you swat her a hundred times...

Wow BH- kudos on that! I will listen to the clips and read the thread. I appreciate it! Thank you.

Jessi- Was it a long term affair? This POSOW seems to feel some kind of entitlement to my WH.

Good for you Black Raven!

Use the particulars of your situation to pack a punch is my best advice. The two OW in my case were in lurve with my WH and thought they would be riding off into the sunset together. They were humped and dumped...and I made sure they knew it. If your OW is just a ho getting her kicks, your approach would have to be different.

Thank you. Pretty sure this one is in "lurve" with mine, too.

Thank you FF. You sound like a much better person than the OW in my situation.

I am going to choose my words carefully (probably will write them down, so I don't forget), and call her.

You can have an attorney send a Cease & Desist letter to her. Is that what you're thinking about?

I confronted the POSOW. The day after DDAY. I showed up at the workplace (we all work together).

I waited for her in her office. WH got wind of me being there and warned her so I ended up having to confront her in the office parking lot. She looked positively petrified. I was 6 months pregnant so as much as I wanted to, I couldn't beat her old haggard [censored].

She actually tried to "be my friend" *insert puking emoticon that I cant find at the moment*

She said "You can talk to me. I am not a threat to your marriage. You have a wonderful husband and you need to appreciate him."

Do you want to punch her in the face yet? Cause I certainly did.

I said basically nothing to her other than I wanted to put a face with the name. I was later called "cocky" for doing that.

She looked like [censored] because she had been crying all night. I hadn't slept a wink and spent the entire night doing my makeup and curling my hair so I looked fabulous.

Felt great. =) Don't regret it. Only wish I hadn't been pregnant so I could've conducted myself in a less ladylike manner.

I actually meant a way that there would be no legal repercussions for me, but that is not a bad idea, MB. Thank you.

Wow, PiecesofME! That is awesome! I wish I wasn't such a wimp. She is bigger than me, and prone to violence. She is a real POSOW.

Either she or one of the other men that she is sleeping with, threw a bunch of roofing nails at the end of our driveway. Not sure when, but our driveway is gravel, so they went undetected for a while. Our cars, as well as FIL's, DD23's and SIL's cars all have nails in our tires. Getting REALLY sick of her crap...