|
|
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,788 Likes: 2
Member
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,788 Likes: 2 |
In your opinion if you have a couple that truly wants to make a change is Jennifer more than qualified to help with that?
I don't think my wife nor I would try to manipulate the sessions. We just need a guide and someone to hold us accountable. Yes, she will be very good for that.
3 adult children
Divorced - he was a serial adulterer
Now remarried, thank you MB
(formerly lied_to_again)
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
She agreed to counseling and even said she was doing some searching the last couple of weeks. I am persuading her that we see an MB counselor. She is hesitant about phone counseling (which surprised me). You need to make this happen, my friend, and don't squander another opportunity. I would call up Dr Chalmers and get an appt. Tell your wife you wanted to counsel ALONE to get help for your OWN PROBLEMS and then see about bringing her in. Then let Dr C tell you how to invite your wife into a session. They split sessions - they don't counsel you together anyway.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,294
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,294 |
But I caution you about leaving this selection of a counselor open to her, because if you don't get a MB counselor all of your efforts will - ONCE AGAIN - be wasted.
And they won't be talking about your wife's past "abuse." That would be a waste of time. That is what BAD counselors do. She agreed it's hard to know if a counselor is good and I explained that's because they don't have a proven plan. I have it written in my mind that this is the way I need to go. She can join me or go her own way. I'm sure she will follow me. SO THIS BETTER WORK OR I'M A DEAD MAN! lol I think my wife will want to talk about the abuse as it gets in her way ... no matter how well her and I are doing. I know she's tired of living with her anxieties and OCD. But I am just speculating what she's thinking and that's not my job. Her and Jennifer will have to hash that out. Our last counselor did a couple of techniques with my wife and they were VERY effective and a great relief for my wife. So that's why I speculate about the abuse. She wants more of the same. Thanks for the feedback.
Me: 57 Her: 54
M: 31 years
Kids(DS23, DD20, DS18)
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
[
I know she's tired of living with her anxieties and OCD. But I am just speculating what she's thinking and that's not my job. Her and Jennifer will have to hash that out. And see, Dr Chalmers is a licensed psychologist who is trained in those areas and she can help her with PRESENT problems without delving into childhood "issues." But like you said, you don't have to deal with that, let Dr C handle that! The Harleys believe that delving into childhood issues is a way to keep people coming back to counseling for YEARS and serves as a distraction from solving current problems.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,294
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,294 |
Why don't they list her credentials on the website? I want to send my wife some info.
Me: 57 Her: 54
M: 31 years
Kids(DS23, DD20, DS18)
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Why don't they list her credentials on the website? I want to send my wife some info. CALL the coaching center and ask them to send her credentials. AND MAKE THE DAMN APPOINTMENT!!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,294
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,294 |
Why don't they list her credentials on the website? I want to send my wife some info. CALL the coaching center and ask them to send her credentials. AND MAKE THE DAMN APPOINTMENT!! Have a little faith.  lol
Me: 57 Her: 54
M: 31 years
Kids(DS23, DD20, DS18)
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
Hi, MrA, it's good to see you back, and fantastic to hear you guys are going to speak with Dr. Chalmers! I agree with MelodyLane: make an appointment for yourself with Jennifer, immediately with no delay. Dr. Chalmers can help you get your wife involved. Not so long ago you were posting about how you were practically paralyzed, so you need to get to speaking to her right away to get you moving.
After that, I would move toward the goal MelodyLane mentioned earlier: use Dr. Chalmers to get your wife on board with the MB online program, and then you can work directly with an assigned coach and Dr. Harley to keep you both motivated.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,294
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,294 |
Hi, MrA, it's good to see you back, and fantastic to hear you guys are going to speak with Dr. Chalmers! I agree with MelodyLane: make an appointment for yourself with Jennifer, immediately with no delay. Dr. Chalmers can help you get your wife involved. Not so long ago you were posting about how you were practically paralyzed, so you need to get to speaking to her right away to get you moving.
After that, I would move toward the goal MelodyLane mentioned earlier: use Dr. Chalmers to get your wife on board with the MB online program, and then you can work directly with an assigned coach and Dr. Harley to keep you both motivated. I will be making the call a little later. I can't do it at work here as there is no real place for privacy. She agreed to me scheduling an appt with Dr Chalmers. Meanwhile I assume she's contemplating what she wants to do. Ugh. Stupid Health Spending Acct. Marriage Counseling is not an eligible expense. Maybe I should fake a nervous breakdown so it will be covered and I can spend the money I've deposited into the account. Grrrr. 
Me: 57 Her: 54
M: 31 years
Kids(DS23, DD20, DS18)
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,473 Likes: 5
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,473 Likes: 5 |
Hi, MrA, it's good to see you back, and fantastic to hear you guys are going to speak with Dr. Chalmers! I agree with MelodyLane: make an appointment for yourself with Jennifer, immediately with no delay. Dr. Chalmers can help you get your wife involved. Not so long ago you were posting about how you were practically paralyzed, so you need to get to speaking to her right away to get you moving.
After that, I would move toward the goal MelodyLane mentioned earlier: use Dr. Chalmers to get your wife on board with the MB online program, and then you can work directly with an assigned coach and Dr. Harley to keep you both motivated. I will be making the call a little later. I can't do it at work here as there is no real place for privacy. She agreed to me scheduling an appt with Dr Chalmers. Meanwhile I assume she's contemplating what she wants to do. Ugh. Stupid Health Spending Acct. Marriage Counseling is not an eligible expense. Maybe I should fake a nervous breakdown so it will be covered and I can spend the money I've deposited into the account. Grrrr. You can also request an appointment by email and let them know your 3 preferred days and times. This may be sooner than waiting to call.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
You can email them and ask for the appointment.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,294
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,294 |
You can email them and ask for the appointment. If figure the phone call will cut to the quick. Otherwise I could play email tag trying to find a time available that works for me. I'd have to do this before or after work and with 3 kids and school functions well ... trying to plan anything gets interesting that's for sure. Also I would like to talk to a real body about the 5 session discount but at this point I'm unsure how many sessions we'll require. Please don't tell me 20 as I can't afford that! ;-)
Me: 57 Her: 54
M: 31 years
Kids(DS23, DD20, DS18)
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,788 Likes: 2
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,788 Likes: 2 |
Jennifer Chalmers does evenings, Steve does mornings.
3 adult children
Divorced - he was a serial adulterer
Now remarried, thank you MB
(formerly lied_to_again)
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,294
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,294 |
Jennifer Chalmers does evenings, Steve does mornings. Super. That'll work out perfectly then. Not sure I'm alert enough at 6am when I'm just about to work to participate in a counseling session. Best wait til I'm at my best ... er ... uhm ... whenever that is.
Me: 57 Her: 54
M: 31 years
Kids(DS23, DD20, DS18)
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
You can email them and ask for the appointment. If figure the phone call will cut to the quick. Otherwise I could play email tag trying to find a time available that works for me. I'd have to do this before or after work and with 3 kids and school functions well ... trying to plan anything gets interesting that's for sure. Also I would like to talk to a real body about the 5 session discount but at this point I'm unsure how many sessions we'll require. Please don't tell me 20 as I can't afford that! ;-) I suggest you get into the online program with Dr. Harley long before 20 sessions is even on the horizon!
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
MrA, I absolutely agree with Markos. I would get 5 sessions with Dr Chalmers in order to persuade your wife to get into the online program. You need help every step of the way and you are not going to be able to go through the whole program on your own. You need the full treatment. You will need the help of the MB coaches and Dr Harley to keep you two on the right track every step of way.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,294
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,294 |
MrA, I absolutely agree with Markos. I would get 5 sessions with Dr Chalmers in order to persuade your wife to get into the online program. You need help every step of the way and you are not going to be able to go through the whole program on your own. You need the full treatment. You will need the help of the MB coaches and Dr Harley to keep you two on the right track every step of way. Thank you. I ended up using the online form this morning seeing I got their machine this morning. I did request we see Dr. Chalmers, that I would like 5 sessions and that I was hoping my wife would take some sessions with her.
Me: 57 Her: 54
M: 31 years
Kids(DS23, DD20, DS18)
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,294
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,294 |
What the heck?
Dr. Chalmers doesn't offer the 5 session discount. Steve does.
Grrrrrrrrrr.
I just need a facilitator and coach to guide us into and through the program.
I am quite disappointed by this.
I don't want to hear how expensive a divorce is as the reasoning to spend that much. A divorce would be in the future not now. Granted I lose 8 more years of what could be a good marriage.
I think I'm going to book one appointment with Jennifer and one for my wife and hope that the good Dr. can get us going on the program. That's going to save us close to 8 bills. My wife has agreed that sounds like a good plan.
If she thinks we need more than the one apiece then so be it ...
Last edited by MrAlias; 11/01/12 08:06 AM.
Me: 57 Her: 54
M: 31 years
Kids(DS23, DD20, DS18)
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
What the heck?
Dr. Chalmers doesn't offer the 5 session discount. Steve does. Wow, I never knew that! But I am glad you guys are both going to talk to her. I would try to steer towards Dr. Harley's program, if Jennifer can sell her on it.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
0 members (),
333
guests, and
76
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,622
Posts2,323,477
Members71,918
| |
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
|
|
|
|
