The Christ never did anything mean or hateful during His earthly ministry yet the people hated Him. They killed him.

People have their own opinions about the book of Hosea. But it is a common belief among theologians that it also represents marriage. The Bible compares God's relationship with his people to a marriage. He is the bridegroom and his church is the bride. He instructs husbands to love their wives as He has loved his bride, the Church. So the whole Hosea story depicts how God loves His bride, His church, therefore it only follows that we should take the book of Hosea as an example of how we should love our wives as well.

The book of Hosea definitely shows how love can change inappropriate behavior. It did for Gomer.

This is true. They did kill Him. They were motivated by Satan himself. In fact, they were controlled by Satan. They rejected His love....but thank God they did. Now all of us don't have to bear our own eternal punishment.

I agree that Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the Church.
However Saint Paul also taught that the Church should not tolerate continual sin. In fact the early church had a man that was having sexual relations with his step mother and Paul said to throw him out.

Being in a marriage or among the elect is not a free pass in marriage or with God.

Nope, neither common sense nor MB would agree with you on that. You have to make it clear that you are either going to have a committed marriage or no marriage and that you are prepared to put in the work to make that happen.


So you do know. Why don't you tell us what it is?


We can help you do that, that is what MB is all about. You just have to follow the programme.



No, no, no. That is like banging your head repeatedly against a concrete wall and expecting it to suddenly stop being painful.

Sorry, your thread has struck a raw nerve with me because my XH talked exactly as you do including all the stuff about unconditional love and fighting the divorce (he fought for 5 years). He told me that he had diagnosed me as suffering from attachment disorder (I don't) because I was adopted (I was). The true picture was that I could not trust him because he could not keep his trousers on. My instincts were on the money,

God helps those who helps themselves. He gave you a mind, a heart and a spirit with which to manage your own affairs.

People who sit down on their hands aand wait for God to save them are usually just avoiding doing something hard.

Its your wife, its your life and its YOUR job to do something about it.

Or I am afraid you will be properly punished for your laziness.

You've already said you were too lazy in the marriage and here is God helping you - by showing you the consequences.

And your answer is yet more inaction in spite of this lesson?

We reap what we sow, otherwise God would gift us all perfect marriages with no work involved.



Prayer should be mirrored in deed and you are not DOING anything. Get off your backside. God is not going to personally grant you a free pass from attending to your own life.



Love that does not motivate action is worth pretty much nothing. Particularly to women.

I encourage you to pray the prayer of Hosea. For hedges of protection around your wife.

Make sure you wear the full armor of God in your own life. In your own affairs.

However please remember that God has blessed modern science with medicines and other means of treating mental illnesses.
And programs like this for surviving affairs and rebuilding marriages.

When my wife left I recommitted my life to Christ.
Sometimes events like this help us in our walk with the Lord.
I was reading and praying and came upon a verse, one of the many times God was going to send Israel into captivity and return them later. And I had peace, knowing that God was in control.

God loves your wife and I dont know what she is doing but He is much more capable of dealing with her than anyone else.

How is she getting money? How does she pay for things?

She has a job...and now no bills. So I'm sure she is happy about that. No mortgage. No utilities. Just taking care of herself.

And for whomever suggested that I am not doing anything....I'm doing everything humanly possible. What I don't do is text her incessantly and call her begging. I have found that this does not work. I am working on myself so when she does come home I will be a better husband.

So the question is....what do I do? I mean, there are not many options that I have. I can, 1) get angry and text her tell her either she come home now or I am filing for divorce based on desertion and excessive cruelty, 2) text her every day, go to her job and plead and beg and woo to try to get her to come home, or 3) do nothing towards her and just try and forget the fact that she is gone and move on with my life.

Option #1 is controlling and I know it will not accomplish what I want.
Option #2, based on history, probably will just cause me more pain and not work.
Option #3 is painful and mind-numbing.

I guess there is an option 4. I love the words of Shakespeare. "And why not death rather than living torment? To die is to be banished from self and Leah is myself. Banished from her is self from self; a deadly banishment. What light be light if Leah is not seen? What joy be joy if Leah is not by, unless to think that she is by and feed upon the shadow of her perfection. Except I be by Leah in the night there is no music in the nightingale. Unless I be by Leah in the day there is no day for me to look upon. She is my life, my essence and I leave to be if I cannot be by her fair influence."

Do you feel that you may be depressed and sad more than is healthy?

How is that possible? Who is enabling her by paying her bills?



WHEN she comes home? Why on earth would she do that? Do you have a plan to encourage this outcome?

Glad you are not begging as that is a big turn off but it would be very helpful to us if you could explain in detail what it is that you are doing.

You never told us why she left. We are rather in the dark here.

She does not know why she left. She said she felt insecure and that I did not love her. She said she felt as though she could not trust me. She hired a PI to follow me but he didn't find anything. She had a breakdown and went to live with her parents. A few days later we were talking things through, started seeing each other again daily, and working on the marriage. Her parents put her out of their home and she came back home. She said she wishes she had one more month at her parents because we were becoming friends again and I still was harboring anger from her moving out unexpectedly. So we both agreed to have her rent a room from a home near by while we continued to date and mend the relationship and deal with the hurt that came from her moving out.

I became very busy with work, and honestly, I was enjoying us dating and speaking all of the time, then me staying up late to work after she left. We were doing this since May. We went to Vegas and LA for our yearly family vacation and really bonded. That was in August. From what I hear, she was wanting to come back home at this time. Yet she never told me that. Then, Sept. 15, just out of the blue, she told me that she was not going to be coming home "this weekend" (via text). I called her and asked why not. She said she just was tired and needed time. This made me extremely angry because I was so tired of this exact same thing happening, we doing well, then she gets in a mood where she just wants "time." So I texted her, "Clearly you are not happy. The family does not need this back and forth. We need someone here consistently. Why don't you just go your way and I go my way. I love you but I cannot take this anymore. Take care of yourself. Bye." She replied, "ok." And that was that.

A week went by without us talking at all. Then 7 days later I call her and I tell her we need to talk, that I was wrong in sending that text, we are married and not dating. She agreed to talk but not then. She had other things to do. I had a melt down and ended up in the hospital. They called her to be with my daughter who was at home alone at the time. That's when she left me at the hospital. When I say I had a melt down, I mean I thought I may hurt myself by taking an overdose of the clozapen that I was taking to help me stay asleep. The hurt from her once again putting me on the back burner was overwhelming. A side effect of the drug was suicidal ideation. So I called 911 and they sent people over to take me to see a psych. I guess this really upset her and since then, I have not spoken to her. She will not take any of my calls or texts.

I think you should just continue working on self improvement and make sure that you follow up with your psychologist or psychiatrist for mental well being as well.

When you are physically, mentally and spiritually healthy you will become much more attractive to your wife.

And pray for her and yourself daily like you have been.

How long has your wife had her current job?

Basically your wife has plan B you.
It sounds like she wanted to leave the marriage. She suspected you were having an affair and hired a Private Detective.
She moved out into a house.

QUESTION: Who is paying the rent for her room at the house? Who else lives in the house? Women or men?

Now she has been silent for 3 weeks.

QUESTION: You state that she is mentally ill and very unstable. Has she been diagnosed with a mental illness? Has she ever seen a psychiatrist?

QUESTION: why did she hire a Detective to investigate you?

Romulus, could you tell us exactly WHAT you are doing? As far as I can tell, you're not doing much of anything.

Have you hired a PI to find out where she is living? Do you know where she works? Have you gone online and googled her name to see if anything comes up that might help you? Have you met with her parents to enlist their help and see if they can give you any info? Surely they are alarmed that their daughter has not seen their grandchildren for so long.

Your wife is showing classic signs of having an affair. If that is the case, you need to find out as quickly as possible in order to bust it up. But you can't do that by distracting yourself over the interpretation of Bible verses.

Do you believe that God will help you? Have you considered that God led you to this site as a way to help you? Do you understand that God gave you a brain and opportunity to tackle this problem with your wife?

What HAVE you done?

Maritalbliss, I have done all of the above. I have hired a PI. I have met with her parents. I have gone to her job and spoken to some of her coworkers without her knowing. Googled her name, my name together with her name, and contacted her friends. Not sure what else there is for me to do. I am not convinced she is having an affair.