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I second that. Remember, you can't educate a wayward. I learned this the hard way ... I gave my wifes mom (who was wayward) a copy of HNHN and it only confirmed to her that her hubby was not meant for her. BIG mistake That was. Wayward grandma is now going to marry her AP  MNG Dont make that mistake.
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If she is arrested would you be able to take custody of your SS? He is in a very unsafe situation with her. It would be best not to split the kids up. Any chance you can prove her unfit and get both children? Your home is your SS's home, any hope there? The best hope right now is Child Protective Services. They can place emergency orders. If the child is not receiving education then they will hopefully step in. The important thing is to call every day the ss is not in school.
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Well had another slipped today she had SIL text me that I need to pay for my sons plane ticket to the court date if I want to see him. LOL I told her I'm not sending any money cause I don't know if it's goin to a plane ticket or not. Also, I didn't send him there you took DS and the court ordered you to have him back on 25SEP12 and you didn't comply. She also says she can't afford it and she doesn't have a car in PR or any money. I told her it was her own fault not mine. She said she has to go back to PR and then back to USA on the 31 OCT because of thr domestic battery charge. If she had somewhere to stay then she wouldnt have to. Hinting I should let her stay in the marital home LOL. Then she said I need to pay her money cause she is entitled to my money LOL. I told her you left I'm not obligated to pay you anything go to court and good luck with that. She got mad and hung up. I called back to talk to my kids.
She wouldn't let me and said she went to base legal and they said she is entitled to my money and they will contact my command LOL. Then I asked her why she left with our kids and she said "So, you can see the marriage is over!" I said I still had hope for our marriage and she shouted "I hate you!" then hung up crying. She then called back this time with my SS on the phone sayin that he hate me as well. That hurt but I know he doesnt mean it she is using him as a weapon against me.
I told SS ask mommy where she was when you and DS where in puerto Rico. Also, ask her if she is talking to OM still. WW put him off the phone and hung up.
At this point I would usually be mad and sad but I'm not I'm calm. Call center prepared me for this and it works. 15th is almost here and I will have my son again. SS is another story I know he love being in PR cause he's not going to school has been out since 20SEP and they are spoiling him rotten. Sent text to SIL/MIL this is the last time I text them if they need anything to call my father regarding my kids. Praying that all goes according to plan.
1. Plan b WW
2. Get custody of my DS/file for D
3. Get child support from WW
4. Find a way to get SS from WW
5. Maintain plan B with little breaks as possible avoid LBs in interaction with WW.
6. Go to court in her domestic battery charge and tell the truth without concern of WW welfare.
7. Attend parenting classes
8. Attend anger managment classes
9. Get certified as a foster parent
10. Focus on ME exercise/college/advancement in USN career/ attend church/ pray for WW defogging and reconciliation.
Please let me know if I need to add anything to my list. Also, I didnt shout and show emotion during conversation. Avoided LBs repeated in my head; "Cooler heads prevail, Her words are not her words jus words of an addict who is in an affair. NG I do that when she wants a pity party I remind her that it's her actions that got her there. All the while, thinking about her in the hotel with POSOM. I asked her again why she was in the hotel that POSOM made a reservation for and paid for. She told me he didnt show up and she was there with MIL lol. I said how did the kids get to PR by themselves? You said your mom flew with them there and when I was @ the hotel confronting her I didn't see MIL at all. Lies in a fog sound so ridiculous I wonder do WS every hear the crap they say. Until you are in plan B you need to just say: "I am willing to work with you to create a loving healthy marriage where both of our needs are met" Phone arguments don't help anything. If possible avoid contact with her
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I tried HDW but in order to talk to my DS & SS. I have to talk to her otherwise she keeps them from me. I feel so bad for my SS. I will have my son back but he will have to endure her fogged out thinking without intervention. SS hasn't been in school for 3 weeks! That's inexcusable! When the courts give me custody of DS I know she won't give me SS willingly. I want to continue to have contact with him. Any suggestions? Should I write letters? I obviously can't call. Anyone had to deal with SS having to stay with WW? Could use some veteran advice on this.
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I tried HDW but in order to talk to my DS & SS. I have to talk to her otherwise she keeps them from me. I feel so bad for my SS. I will have my son back but he will have to endure her fogged out thinking without intervention. SS hasn't been in school for 3 weeks! That's inexcusable! When the courts give me custody of DS I know she won't give me SS willingly. I want to continue to have contact with him. Any suggestions? Should I write letters? I obviously can't call. Anyone had to deal with SS having to stay with WW? Could use some veteran advice on this. She will go to juvenile court if he isn't in school soon. It is not optional. She can actually be jailed for not having him in school. This will cause more referrals to CPS. It wouldn't hurt to write letters to your step son.
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I'm in need of some encouragement guys and gals. Sitting in the marital home alone surrounded by memories have me depressed. Especially since I miss my family so much. Just in need of some reassurance I'm doing the right thing. For court on the 15th and hopefully get my son and on 31st I have court on the domestic battery charge. This don't show I care about WW act when I really do is hard as he-double hockey sticks. Anyone out there following my thread that had it worse than me actually recover their marriage and love? Would like some inspirational stories right now. It's also strange that I have multiple women hitting on me and I turn them down left and right because I'm "married". I can't stop thinking of WW whenever I see a woman. This feeling sucks. My family and friends are very supportive and say I'm doing the right thing but they don't understand why I am still willing to save the marriage, is that normal as well? All in all my goal is to get my DS and SS but I'd be lying if I said I don't want to save my marriage as well. Thanks for given a broken man advice, god bless you all.
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Hi DSC. No advice except to stay the course. My WH has done really hurtful things too and I still feel like I want to recover the marriage some days. But he doesn't and I have to face that fact. Maybe he will sometime in the future..not holding my breath though.
Good for you for not getting into a relationshiip right now. It's the honorable thing to do. I think you will be alright once the court stuff is settled and you have some time to heal away from all the craziness.
Me BW: 30
WH: 33
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My family and friends are very supportive and say I'm doing the right thing but they don't understand why I am still willing to save the marriage, is that normal as well? Been getting the same thing. Hard to get them to understand. I could just be in a phase right now, but I've reached the point where I can't see a R possible anymore since my WW continues to carry on in her A with no concern for what it's doing to me and DD. Been following your thread, and I think you're doing great. Stay strong and focused on what you want! I keep checking in to see if you've got your boys back yet. I hope you get them soon. I can't imagine being in that position with my DD. I've been with her all day every day since she was born.
BH (me) - 40 WW-31
Married 4, together 12
DD 3
DDay (EA) - 8/17/12
Confronted/admitted - EA turned PA - 9/11/12
Exposed- 9/12/12
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The hardest part is accepting that your spouse doesn't want to remain with you - that she is choosing someone else over you, over your family, throwing away everything you have shared together. The hope that you have that she will have a break in her fog, realize what she has done, come home to you to be a family is a double edged sword. I encourage you to ACCEPT what it is NOW. She has gone to some pretty extrordinary lengths to "be happy", so you NEED to set her free. I know you don't want to hear that, but you can't MAKE her want you, your family, what you could have. You also can't protect her from herself and her awful decisions. However, you can protect your DS and hopefully your SS!!! I know that is where your focus is. So, now, protect yourself. Set her free. Keep re-building your life, becoming the best father you can be, the best man you can be. That doesn't mean that she won't at some point, a year or two from now, realize her mistakes. But, don't hold your breath, or keep hurting yourself by trying to hold on to her. She clearly wants something else. You deserve better than what she has done to you. How she has done it is just completely delporable. Take back your life and give all your concern to yourself and the kids. She isn't concerned about you DSC. So, back to the tough part of accepting that horrible truth and choosing to close that chapter, for now or for however long it needs to be closed to not take your strength and energy and hurt you. I feel sorry for her. She will wake up one day and tell herself that she let a good one go. But, just know that YOU deserve better.
Last edited by Littlebit3; 10/12/12 08:34 AM.
BS Me 47,WH 49
DS's x3 17, 10, 7
Multiple D-Days
No disclosure by WH. No EP's, no transparency, no guilt or remorse either.
Plan C DOES NOT WORK!
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DSC,
Hang in there. MB will help you do everything you can to save your marriage if you follow the plans. This is not a guarantee of course, but either way one day you will either have a recovered marriage or you will be proud that you did everything you could to fight for your marriage and that you went down swinging. Your WW will realize this some day. And importantly, so will your kids.
Blackhawk
Me: BH
Marriage: 22 years
2 kids
D-Day 5 Sept 2011
EA w OM started Fall 2010, PA w OM Spring 2011, OM died end Sept 2011
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Thanks for your kind words. I am determined to get my kids back and not to make this divorce easy for her. I will not let WW get away with highway robbery in order to feed her addiction. I told her countless times and once I have full custody of my son I know she will realize this isn't a game and wake up. If not I will be prepared to handle the fact she is broken. I have a chance of full custody and 0 visits for the WW for 2 years. I hope I get that then I can focus on this D and my son. I know she doesn't have the money to fight me head on and I will put her on child support. Got a bank statement. POSOM gave her 1000 dollars and she used that to whisk my children away and be with him in he hotel. I am so ANGRY with her and this scumbag! I know his plan is to throw money around so she feels like she owes him. I'm going to go to the gym and workout this frustration so it doesn't translate into court. WW beyond stupid at this moment the POSOM has 7 kids and he throwing money at another mans wife. SMH will reflect on this after I beat my self up in the weight room.
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What have the courts/cops said since the last time you talked?
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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Order of protection court told me if she doesn't show to this court date I can get it extended for 2 years. If she does show she will be held in contempt because she violated the order which was to give me my son on 25 September. CPS said they can't do anything because she is out of the country but I call them 3x a week to let them know SS isn't in school. When I went before the judge she said it will likely go in my favor because she took the kids without my permission and has no just cause to do so. Because she is the one with the domestic violence charge not me and I have an order protection against her so she is the stressor and I'm the victim. She has court for the charge on 31 October and I will tell my story initially I wanted to lie so she wouldn't get arrested but after some advice from people on this forum and following the concept of not protecting the WW from the consequences of her OWN actions I decided to tell the truth about what happened that day. I'm scared cause I know this might blow my chances on a R for the marriage but its not my fault she hit me and according to the principles on this site she will see that eventually or not. Also, custody wise it helps me and I have to put the kids 1st before this marriage.
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Of course, naturally--the kids come first. Kudos to YOU for doing something for SS too. I really feel sorry for him. You are exceptionally lucky that things are going the way they are. Prayers going up for you, that things will continue going in your favor.
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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SIL speaking on WW behalf claiming she needs money so she can get to court. This is getting ridiculous by the day is this behavior normal for WWs. When BH was breadwinner? I know the answer but I'm going to ask should i send her money lol. Also tomorrow is court getting my documents ready and preparing for the return of my DS and hopefully SS. I do believe this working in my favor custody and reconciliation. I read the logs on FRs and I'm not planning on taking her back so soon. Shout out to HDW and NG thanks for giving me a backbone. Thanks everyone for the wonderful advice! God bless you all!
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SIL speaking on WW behalf claiming she needs money so she can get to court. This is getting ridiculous by the day is this behavior normal for WWs. When BH was breadwinner? I know the answer but I'm going to ask should i send her money lol. Also tomorrow is court getting my documents ready and preparing for the return of my DS and hopefully SS. I do believe this working in my favor custody and reconciliation. I read the logs on FRs and I'm not planning on taking her back so soon. Shout out to HDW and NG thanks for giving me a backbone. Thanks everyone for the wonderful advice! God bless you all! DCS you certainly suggested this to the SIL didn't you? Got a bank statement. POSOM gave her 1000 dollars and she used that to whisk my children away and be with him in he hotel. I am so ANGRY with her and this scumbag! I know his plan is to throw money around so she feels like she owes him. Hmmmm.....POSOM should provide that need. He better pony up. WW's with baggage are expensive! Maybe her needs just aren't as important as his. Good luck in court. We are pulling for you. nESRE
Last edited by nesre; 10/14/12 06:13 PM. Reason: added w/baggage
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Shout out to HDW and NG thanks...
I'll not accept any kudos until this all settles out, and you at least have DS at home. I still think WW has one more unplayed ruse in lieu of showing up in court. Possibly checking into hospital for her mostly mythical illness? (Why mythical? Remember, the GOOD die young. Skanks live distressingly long lives!) Possibly cooking up the old "fearful for the safety of my dear children" stew?
Tomorrow will reveal a lot, my friend. I hope your faith is right, and my doubts are wrong!
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Thoughts and prayers for you tomorrow, DSC.
"Get busy living, or get busy dying"...... The Shawshank Redemption.
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Thinking about you DSC. Oh boy, you're WW has made quite a bed for herself, huh? And for what?
I'm sure you noticed that no one answered your question about whether or not you should send money for her return to face you and the court for her transgressions.
You already know the answer to that one.
Best of luck tomorrow and try to get some rest.
Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Well, tomorrow is the big day. I am wishing for you the BEST possible outcome!!! We are all pulling for you.
BS Me 47,WH 49
DS's x3 17, 10, 7
Multiple D-Days
No disclosure by WH. No EP's, no transparency, no guilt or remorse either.
Plan C DOES NOT WORK!
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