NG suggested topping up his levels even if he tested the low end of normal..

I'd get a better doctor though. He sounds DELIGHTFUL

I second this. Any doctor that would say that most men who aren't interested in sex must just have unattractive wives is a moron (and that's the nicest thing I could think to call him).

Exactly...and the "chores" bit is something you didn't really like to do.

Now - here's another thing: there's nothing wrong with him pleasing you more often even if he's not in the mood for full out SF...

Not sure if this one's been discussed yet.

I am currently sitting on the program. It would be nice to have a less chaotic schedule so that I could sit down and plan out a diet and workout schedule, but I currently work 6 days a week and end up working random doubles. Just came off graveyard shift and back to evenings.

Anyway, UW, you answered your own dilemma there; you got "buff" (packed on lean muscle), but didn't lose pounds.

You are focusing on the wrong thing. Look at your inches rather than your weight. When you are doing a muscle-building program like P90x.

A pound of fat is about the size of a loaf of those premium breads, and a pound of muscle? Imagine a 1 pound chub of ground beef.

Inches, not pounds.


The reason for the increased calories is, again, you are burning more, and even your resting metabolism is going to rise as you pack on muscle; in addition to being denser than fat, muscle burns more calories than fat even in a resting state.

Consider that olympic swimmers consume about 20 thousand calories per day.... and they are SHREDDED.

If your output exceeds your input too much, you will put your body into starvation mode and you WILL pack on fat.


And it is hard to eat a lot of food on a high protein diet, as protein is more calorie dense than carbs. Also, fat is calorie dense and actually shuts down your hunger when it hits the small intestine - because fat takes a long time to prepare for absorption.


Don't fret about your weight, enjoy the new muscle tone and loss of inches. That's more important than the number on the scale.

HHH you will LOVE the program. Number one most difficult aspect is finding the time, 60-90 min workout plus some 'wake up' time (if you do it in the morning) or 'calm down' time (if you do it in the evening). I can't always juggle it in and I don't even have a job.

I am not one to focus on weight. I don't even have a scale. But H said he wanted 'skinny AND P90X buff' and the only way to obtain the 'skinny' portion of that, IMO, is to eat less.

I'm not saying starve myself, just not eat as much as the nutrition plan would have me eating, because that was just way too much for me.

Oh ya, I should also say that I must balance the nutrition plan with my own personal dietary needs. I actually have a metabolic disorder that requires me to be VERY careful about my protein intake, so on a plan like P90X that is a conundrum (any fitness plan actually, everything pushes high protein). Just a little twist to getting to my goals, don't want to eat too much protein and put myself in a coma or anything.

IDK, PA is always a work in progress, and I'm not really even sure what H's goal is for me. Guess I just need to focus on my ongoing goals for myself and hope they align somewhere.

So today is our 13 year anniversary. WOW I cannot believe we made it to 13 years, I didn't even think we would make it to 10.

I have mixed feelings about this anniversary. For one, I am thankful that we didn't just throw in the towel. That we took our committment serious enough to put some effort in.

But I also feel like we have been in this state of rebellion/trickle truths/ddays/zombieland/recovery for WAYYYYY too long. It is just neverending and I just want to be in a GOOD marriage finally, ya know? A good marriage that supports good habits and where life is simply good. Feel like we have so many BAD habits it is a struggle every day just to stay on a path that will work its way to success. Its exhausting, and slow, and I just want the road to be easier, and the functional end to be near.

I just don't want to waste any more time. Feel like every year is another year of struggling, and if there is no payout at the end what is it worth?

That sounds rather pessimistic for an anniversary. Don't mean to be. All these dates just make me think too much.

Wish I was coming into this anniversary with better stuff going on.

Of course there is the lack of EN#1 being met. It just leaves me feeling, frustrated, detached. And H has been rather distant and disengaged lately, almost all the time. He has pulled some dirty old tricks of his a couple times, giving me the cold shoulder, turning me down for SF, etc. because I didn't do something he wanted (for instance, in one case, it was because the house was not in good order). Both of our last two dates he has been disengaged, looking around the room, not able to focus on our conversation. All of it has me feeling rather frustrated and negative.

Our UA time has been happening, but when it is disengaged and full of LBing, what's the point of it? It almost does more damage than good. I have brought this all up to H a couple times, at first he didn't respond and just changed the topic, last night he said it was health issues and pain that keep him from being engaged.

Again, not trying to dismiss his level of pain management, but this disengaged attitude predates his pain. It is just old habits of his.

I just keep plugging along, trying to meet his needs, not LB, work the program, despite his reaction to everything. If it is the pain, how do I approach that. I think we have all been there, sick, in pain somehow, of course it is difficult to meet someone's needs to be fully engaged when that is the case. Or is this just another excuse for his behavior. IDK that's why I just keep plugging along as much as I can.

I never updated about our anniversary, not that anyone was asking. I consider it to have been an incredible one, for a variety of reasons.

We didn't do anything amazing, we just made the moment itself amazing. H brought me flowers, and we went out for dinner to a cute little Chinese place and I had one too many Mai Tai's. H was incredibly engaged, I don't think he took his eyes off me all night. We had some amazing IC, it is moments like that where I realize he has had more 'intimate' conversation with me in the last year than in the 14 before. We talked about the past, present, and future. He told me many times how thankful he was to still have me in his life, and how much he was looking forward to a future with me. It was a beautiful thing.

I had a hard time keeping my hands off him of course, (thank you Mai Tai's for wrecking my play hard to get plan), but I was relatively subdued compared to the old UW. Our relationship sure has changed a lot.

I just posted this on another thread, thought I would repost here, for those of you who have been around since the 'why would you be resentful if your H is willing to buy you new rings' conversation...

Not so long ago, in April/May when I started my thread, I talked about how much I despised our wedding rings because they reminded me of the joke that I considered our marriage to be (as well as other trigger type things which I shall leave in the dark where they belong). I wanted H to buy us new rings, yet I was resentful for having to spend the money on new rings just because he tainted them. All in all, our rings held nothing but resentment and bitterness, as far as I was concerned. I would have been glad to accidently lose them.

Seems like AGES ago, even though it has only been a few short months. Now I look at our rings and regard them with honor. I think of our wedding and it brings happy tears to my eyes. That day I did not know what commitment was, and FOR SURE H, did not know what commitment was. We were just going through the motions, oblivious to what being MARRIED even meant. Yep, we F'd it up pretty good. But here we are, better than ever, with new knowledge and a new understanding that the vast majority of people are never blessed to have. Our rings represent to me now true love, true commitment, true honor.

And anniversaries are good, when you feel this way.

Wowser. Never thought I'd say any of that. What happened to that little devil of resentment? I don't even remember what he looks like most days.

Still a work in progress, but definitely progress.

Happy (belated) anniversary, UW!

Not sure how I missed saying it a few days ago. I'm glad you updated us!

I've had "ring" issues too.... funny how that happens.

I'm glad you've made progess!

I guess I should feel like some reversed-Frodo (from the Tolkien novels), as being among those suggesting you NOT cast them into any fiery volcano.

So now that my epic is complete, I should board that little boat, and sail off to a misty, mysterious "better life", right?

NFW! I think I'll stick around for a bit if you don't mind!!

Congrats on your new, improved, life, UW!

Happy anniversary

Tonight I was watching "The Haunted" with my DD. We love to watch scary things together, can't wait for her to be old enough for REALLY scary movies because H really is not into that.

Anyway this particular story was about a single mom who moved to a new town with her 15 yr old son. If you've never seen the show, they have characters who play the RL people but also interview the RL people along the way. Soon, she meets a BF, who she claims is her SOUL MATE. Uh oh. Yep, it goes on to say that he is close to finalizing a divorce and moves into her house. The real story is about the demons that haunt them.

Of course I said (out loud), 'he's not your SOUL MATE, he is another man's husband!' and other such comments. I immediately didn't trust that this woman was telling the truth, and persisted to believe that her haunting story was a bunch of bull. I guess it is the fact that she is a known cheater/liar that made me feel she was likely also lying about these paranormal experiences, to get attention, IDK why and I don't really care I just didn't trust her. The happy couple went to a psychic who told them they had a good chance of success, I actually PAUSED the TV to explain to my daughter the real statistics on their chance of relationship success. She looked at me all doughy eyed, and told me to turn it back on and just watch the show, lol. I said, I'm sorry I am just passionate about these things and she said, trust me I know!

So, even though I don't hold resentment toward H anymore, I apparently hold a lot of resentment toward cheating and AP's and all the constant media barrage of it and the wayward speak and the media support of it....

Does anyone else have this experience? Does it go away with time? Not that I want to join the masses again in their wayward psyche, but I also don't like being so darn ultra sensitive to it either. I couldn't even enjoy the show.

Oh, I was also thinking that they were being punished and deserved to be haunted. Seemed like some good kharma.

Just browsing through the posts when I caught this one, and thought I could comment from experience.


When I was 22 I wore a size 30 Levis flare leg jeans, was so built like Clark Kent they Nicknamed me Clark at work, and was musclepacked at 210 LBs..

Muscle weighs more than fat in size


I am now 54 wear size 52 jeans and weigh 230Lbs..Still called a silverback by my children, and I want to lose 30 lbs, and get back to running wieght.. the wieght now is totally different in size and nature, than it was when I was 22.

I have been an insulin dependant Diabetic for 25 years now, and I can say,,"eat light and eat right" is very important to us all, but they are right about what they are saying about wieght and how muscle is much more important, and weighs more than fat.

Yeah you're not alone. I yell at cheaters on the television too!!!

Any show or movie or anything having to do with infidelity totally disgusts me. Sometimes I wish I wasn't so sensitive too, UW, but I don't think we will ever lose the knowledge of what cheating does...and therefore, will never be able to really view it without seriousness.

I've been reading the forums a lot in the last couple days, one general theme sticks out. Poor boundaries.

Indie talking about the married teacher who was striking up an unnerving convo with her. JC in the dating forum whose fiance has a flirty girl working for him.

The overall consensus is that the spouses/fiances/bf and or gfs that respond to such things are 'not marriage material.' Now, I am not disagreeing. I am just saying that I know more people than not that would engage without thought into these exact situations. I, have engaged in these situations my ENTIRE LIFE.

Was I evil, moral less, completely devoid of trust and faithfulness? Or just uneducated. It is absolutely without doubt that a lightbulb has gone on about boundaries since I have been on this board. But what about BEFORE I was exposed to the MB concepts. NO WHERE in the rest of the world do we talk about 'boundaries.' OS friendships, mixed sex working environments, work lunches, happy hours, IB, etc. are all supported in the media and in every day life.

One day I was talking to my SIL, who was referring to someone and said she 'probably washes her hand towels with her underwear.' It took me several minutes to figure out why that would be a problem. It never occurred to me that I should not wash hand towels and underwear.

My point is that, it never occurred to me that I should have GOOD BOUNDARIES, in my relationships pre marriage or post marriage. Nobody taught me about boundaries, not my parents, school, church, pre marriage classes. Even now, when I research SAA on the web, I have yet to find a SINGLE other website that discusses boundaries.

So, my point I guess is, are all people around us with poor boundaries bad people? Or just uneducated people? I would go with the latter.

That is not to say that outright wayward behavior, EA's/PA's is not immoral and everyone knows it. I am talking about the lack of boundaries that are far more subtle (yet dangerous and destructive).

Just an observation I had. Feel like defending people's lack of knowledge and social indoctrination to be wayward, rather than hold their feet to the fire for being immoral, I guess.

And I am just thinking how darn GOOD my marriage must be lately. I cannot think of a single thing to write about it, so I must come up with complaints about society instead.

I would agree, UW. Not necessarily bad people but more unnerving for that reason. They are dangerous and don't even realise it.

You make very good points, UW! I had never had anyone talk to me about this before either and I've read countless books, been to marriage counseling and all that before I found MB!

LOVE the expression "washing hand towels with underwear!!!"


This is why I wanted to do my big speech for the semester on this stuff. Maybe these 20-somethings will be helped by it. Or, maybe they'll just think I'm nutty. Who knows. LOL

SOOOOOOOOOOOOO glad things are going well in your marriage!!!!