BV, there is a long response from me ..... coming soon to a theater near you.
I want you to RELAX for now. Every 30 minutes I want you to take 10 deep breaths in through your nose (s-l-o-w-l-y) and exhale through your pursed lips (also s-l-o-w-l-y). Think of a calming word while you do this (I use the word PEACE). See how long you can make the exhale last. The longer the better.

The major vibe I get from reading you is anxiousness.
You are fixed on physical attractiveness .... meanwhile back at the ranch ..... your anxiousness makes you less attractive.

Why, yes - my middle name, in fact.

There's a reason for the increased anxiety. (Below is the main reason, but the physical attractiveness threads were also freaking me out, especially unwritten's. Her husband reportedly said he wants her to look like an exercise video model. Another poster chimed in that his attraction toward his wife took a major hit when she gained 15 pounds. I know there's more to the thread, but that was depressing).

CGIR and I are going on vacation tomorrow - the first time in six years.

There's no marital reason we waited this long - the current depression, CGIR's unemployment and my needing to work put traveling on the back burner.

D-Day #5 occurred on our last vacation. Same time of year, same setting. I remember sitting, looking at the water, and saying to CGIR (thinking his "EA" was over and we were doing great), "This is going to be the best vacation we've ever had."

Ha.

(We also almost drowned on this vacation; that was actually more fun than the D-Day that occurred the next morning. During which I discovered only a FRACTION of what I would find out 4 years later).

Now we're going back to the scene of the crime, as it were.

During a D-Day, I asked CGIR what was so great about the OW - what their "10s" were. OW #1 - PA - CGIR said he was proud to be with her. OW #2 - conversation - CGIR said it was "perfect" and he "loved" talking to her. Also, OW #2 had a better figure than me; she was "better proportioned."

My PA rates a "4" (but at my best, I move up to a "6") and my conversation is "not the greatest, but okay." Also, there's an activity that CGIR did with OW #2 while traveling that he will not do with me (not sexual, btw) because it he liked doing it with her but does not like doing it with me.

So, off to the scene of a D-Day, to compete with (and lose to) the OW.*

Yeah, me.

BV

(*Yes, I know, I know. But right now, cognition and emotion are not in sync).

(**What's MY 10, you ask? I have three: I'm frugal, hard-working, and stuck around regardless of what CGIR did).




CGIR

(Warning: Sad and venting. If you are low on patience today, stop reading here).


Twenty-five years today.

Some thoughts:

I regret that I got married.

I regret that I did not leave in 2006.

I wish I had known then what I know now.

Trying to find a way to live with the decisions I made in the past.


I was reading the new thread by twocents with maybe more empathy than most.


I feel like my husband placed a huge weight on me, and now can't take it back. As we walk on, him happy with a bounce in his step and me struggling and stumbling, he says to me, "Don't worry! You'll get used to it! Just keep looking ahead!"

(I always find encouraging someone else is a tad easier than doing the work).

Making no sense to anyone, probably. Sorry - just sad.


Happy anniversary to me.

BV

BV he is supposed to take the weight from you.

What is his plan to make you happy?

All I hear is a plan to struggle

Why return to the 'scene of the crime'?

Why go back to where you had any dday for any vacation?

x 2

Sounds like trigger fest hell rather than a vacation.


but that was funny in a not so funny way.

You can still decide otherwise, bv. You do have a choice. Staying in a marriage after infidelity is not supposed to be a death sentence.

BV, have you shared these feelings with your husband?

I will not mention what we euphemistically refer to as "the past," either directly or indirectly.

Wish me luck.

BV