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Originally Posted by kiss
Sorry trying to attach messages and I am a computer dummy.

Lovemykiddos,

I am waiting on a list from her.

Stop waiting on a list, for crying out loud. Why should she have to tell you over and over again?

I'm going to repeat what indiegirl said: "Kiss, get real. You need to learn the principles on your own. Listen to the radio show every day and read the material. "

Quote
I have asked for a full list of her requirements.

In other words, you've been here almost a year and still don't have CLUE NUMBER ONE about what a man needs to do to save his marriage. Your time here has been a complete waste because you haven't taken the initiative to LEARN.

We can't fix that for you. We can't fix it with more posts or a phone call. Your wife can't fix it for you with a list of requirements.

Only you can fix it.

"Kiss, get real. You need to learn the principles on your own. Listen to the radio show every day and read the material. "


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Look up Plan B letters on this site, and read THOSE. Do not contact her until you have read one.

I imagine, though, that owing to whatever it is you did, she will have even more conditions for you than those with the normal Plan B letter.


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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INDIEGIRL,

What actions. If I can't see talk to or hold her? The seperation kills me. What if she talks to someone else? She continues to hang out with her exhusband. Witch kills me. He has asked for her back recently . Witch infuriates me. What can I do? Is it right for her to have as much contact with him? Dr. Harley has said that EP is needed on both sides of the marriage. Please give more guidance.

THANKS
KISS

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Originally Posted by kiss
Sorry trying to attach messages and I am a computer dummy.

Lovemykiddos,

I am waiting on a list from her. I reached out to our intermediary and haven't got a response. She wants me to go back to her plan "b" letter witch I do not have. Its in the house. I have asked for a full list of her requirements. Not hearing anything for days is tough. I don't even know if she is getting all of my emails. I asked about seeing the kids and having the kids call me and I get no response.

KISS


Yes it is tough and it all could have been avoided by doing recovery properly and not lying and hiding things from your wife.

This is a very sorry situation. Are you finally ready to do things the right way?

Originally Posted by kiss
She wants me to go back to her plan "b" letter witch I do not have. Its in the house. I have asked for a full list of her requirements.

Even if you don't have her letter, lots of us here are familiar with Plan B so we can guide you.

Plan B leaves the door open to a wayward spouse if they create a proper plan for recovery. So your job is to create a proper plan for recovery.

RQ very probably needs a total break and rest from even thinking about you after discovering this latest deception. After months of a false, half baked recovery. Keep in mind that she may have just had enough no matter what changes you make. If you get another chance you will be very fortunate. It depends what her lovebank level is like for you.

It is in your interests to give her that break and allow her lovebank to recover.

One of the key things about Plan B is it stops her losing love for you. It protects her lovebank until you can offer her a recovery plan.

So no more appeals to get her back on this thread, no more emails/texts/attempts to break contact. That will just anger and tire her and damage her lovebank.

Let her heal in peace and let us help you work out a plan for recovery while she does.

It will take TIME. So I suggest you discover where you keep your stock of patience.


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Sugercane,

I put in one of my posts within the last hour that I told her about things early in my affair. She was shaken up and told me that if I passed a poly graph that she would give me a commitment. Then yes a coule of days later she had me served.

I didn't have any other relations with other girls. I had an affair with one person.

It does involve the kids when I can't call them. I have to send a message through a nother person and hope thay relay that message and she then lets the kids call me. That is controlling the kids and having that power. I am isolated from my kids.

KISS

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Originally Posted by kiss
What actions. If I can't see talk to or hold her? The seperation kills me.


You will need to use logic, not emotions to get out of this.

PLEASE please please stop talking about how hard this is for you. You have had months of warning that you were screwing up!

The actions required involve a plan for recovery.

Not holding her. A monkey could do that. A PLAN for RECOVERY.

I suggest you look up the plan for recovery from an affair as outlined by Dr Harley.

And all the advice for recovery posted on this thread.


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Originally Posted by SugarCane
Originally Posted by kiss
My wife went and got an order of protection against me by lieing about me threating her.
You need to take that back pronto, because now you are really going to piss people off. I don't believe that Rq lied to the legal authorities about you, and if she finds out you are spreading this malicious falsehood about her, that could be the end of your marriage.

Were you drinking the night she went to the authorities? Do you actually know what you said or did? Have you been drinking since?

Are you going to answer any of these questions? I do not believe for one minute that RQ made up lies to get an Order of Protection, against you. What did you do or say to bring this about?


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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I also doubt she is "hanging out" with an ex..


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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Indiegirl,

What about her contact and hanging out with her exhusband? How do you feel about that? She talked to him during our recovery. I read text messages of him telling her How beautiful she is and she always has been. Also her text him about going out together on a saturday afternoon with a group of people. Then them discussing each others relationship problems after I told her months prior what a big issue it was for me.

KISS

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Karmarose,

What do you think she is doing? do you think their is something to it? Please clarify.

KISS

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Originally Posted by kiss
It does involve the kids when I can't call them. I have to send a message through a nother person and hope thay relay that message and she then lets the kids call me. That is controlling the kids and having that power. I am isolated from my kids.

KISS


Because you destroyed the relationship with their mother. So you can't call her up whenever you like any more. You can see your kids by following a visitation schedule, but you've lost RQ as a co-parent because she is heartbroken and needs a BREAK. That isn't her controlling you that's just a fact. She needs a break from the heartache.

Did you expect her to be your friend for life no matter how she was treated? If you don't like this state of affairs, you need to get a plan together.


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Originally Posted by kiss
I didn't have any other relations with other girls. I had an affair with one person.

It does involve the kids when I can't call them. I have to send a message through a nother person and hope thay relay that message and she then lets the kids call me. That is controlling the kids and having that power. I am isolated from my kids.

KISS
I apologise for my mistake about the number of affairs.

What did you tell her about "things early in" your affair?

You had the power to be living with your kids all along. You threw this away. Rq gave you many chances to work properly on recovery and you squandered them, and now she doesn't want to see you. That means you do see and speak to your kids, but not in your wife's presence. That is not her manipulating them.

You had chances to stop this happening and you squandered them and hurt your wife.


BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Originally Posted by kiss
What about her contact and hanging out with her exhusband? How do you feel about that?


Well I feel two things.

1) Completely stunned you haven't mentioned this before now. Why is that?
2) Bemused you think it has anything to do with YOUR job to offer her a good marriage and make up for your affair. You need to clean up your side of the street first.


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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I was shooting for what indiegirl just said, should have clarified.

Why did you not mention this until now?


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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Originally Posted by kiss
Indiegirl,

What about her contact and hanging out with her exhusband? How do you feel about that? She talked to him during our recovery. I read text messages of him telling her How beautiful she is and she always has been. Also her text him about going out together on a saturday afternoon with a group of people. Then them discussing each others relationship problems after I told her months prior what a big issue it was for me.

KISS

kiss...pay attention!!!



twoxfour


Stop worrying about RQ. You can't get your own [censored] together so stop trying to deflect the focus from you onto what RQ may or may not being doing. Since you ignored my previous posts you will probably ignore this one too.

I'm divorced. My ex pulled the same crap you are now. Is that where you want to end up? Pay attention to what YOU need to do. Good grief.


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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I went out with a couple of my friends one night. We went out to watch the Yankee game. The only reason I went was because the night before Rocketqueen didn't come home and I got a text from her that day saying that she would pick up the kids after school friday and bring them to me on Sunday. So I took it as she was going to stay at her parents as she talked about staying a part a coupke days earlier. So when I came home she was their and locked me out. She called the cops. I went and ran(stupid). The cops left. So I went back she called the cops again they came back and I approached them. They said that Rocketqueen called them because I was drunk and threating her. They checked me out and said I was fine that I wasn't drunk and I wasn't. So they made her let me in as its my residence so she cant lock me out of my house. Its the law. So since that didn't work she went and talked to ***** and he advised her to go file for an order of protection. She told the judge in her statement that I was drunk and threating her and she was scared for her and the kids safety. I have never in 14 years ever threatened or touched my wife. I would never do that. She knows that. So on wednesday at 2 we go to court. I can't email, text, send a message or call my wife. I can't go near her work or the house so I can't contact my kids. If I try to call any of them I get arrested. So anyone out their that wants to go into a plan "b" just go to your county court house and lie and you will have your plan "b"

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SugerCane,

I told her that I did make out with and kiss the girl I had an affair with prior to me moving out. I did not have sex with her. But she doesn't believe me why would she!! She has asked me to take a lie detector test so I can prove to her and give her closer. witch I want to do ASAP.

KISS

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Originally Posted by kiss
I went out with a couple of my friends one night. We went out to watch the Yankee game. The only reason I went was because the night before Rocketqueen didn't come home and I got a text from her that day saying that she would pick up the kids after school friday and bring them to me on Sunday. So I took it as she was going to stay at her parents as she talked about staying a part a coupke days earlier. So when I came home she was their and locked me out. She called the cops. I went and ran(stupid). The cops left. So I went back she called the cops again they came back and I approached them. They said that Rocketqueen called them because I was drunk and threating her. They checked me out and said I was fine that I wasn't drunk and I wasn't. So they made her let me in as its my residence so she cant lock me out of my house. Its the law. So since that didn't work she went and talked to ***** and he advised her to go file for an order of protection. She told the judge in her statement that I was drunk and threating her and she was scared for her and the kids safety. I have never in 14 years ever threatened or touched my wife. I would never do that. She knows that. So on wednesday at 2 we go to court. I can't email, text, send a message or call my wife. I can't go near her work or the house so I can't contact my kids. If I try to call any of them I get arrested. So anyone out their that wants to go into a plan "b" just go to your county court house and lie and you will have your plan "b"

KISS


I'm out.

If she said she wanted you to go, you should have respected her wishes instead of a) forcing her to call the cops and b) calling her a liar.

You are an adulterer who has lied right through recovery and you still have social and text interations with women that spear your wife through her soul.

Are you sorry? Working to make it right? Nope. Just blameshifting.

How's that working out for you?

Good luck figuring this out on your own Kiss.


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Originally Posted by kiss
So anyone out their that wants to go into a plan "b" just go to your county court house and lie and you will have your plan "b"

KISS


She should never have needed to go to court. You should have gone voluntarily. It is a disgraceful state of affairs that you won't respect her wishes and leave her alone.


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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A min ago, you said if she needed space you'd give it to her. Then you insist on staying in the house (assuming what you said is even true) when she clearly did not want you there. Why would you run? If you weren't drunk, why didn't you go elsewhere for the night? This does not add up.

What did the cops do to ck you out?


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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