Stop waiting on a list, for crying out loud. Why should she have to tell you over and over again?

I'm going to repeat what indiegirl said: "Kiss, get real. You need to learn the principles on your own. Listen to the radio show every day and read the material. "


In other words, you've been here almost a year and still don't have CLUE NUMBER ONE about what a man needs to do to save his marriage. Your time here has been a complete waste because you haven't taken the initiative to LEARN.

We can't fix that for you. We can't fix it with more posts or a phone call. Your wife can't fix it for you with a list of requirements.

Only you can fix it.

"Kiss, get real. You need to learn the principles on your own. Listen to the radio show every day and read the material. "

Look up Plan B letters on this site, and read THOSE. Do not contact her until you have read one.

I imagine, though, that owing to whatever it is you did, she will have even more conditions for you than those with the normal Plan B letter.

INDIEGIRL,

What actions. If I can't see talk to or hold her? The seperation kills me. What if she talks to someone else? She continues to hang out with her exhusband. Witch kills me. He has asked for her back recently . Witch infuriates me. What can I do? Is it right for her to have as much contact with him? Dr. Harley has said that EP is needed on both sides of the marriage. Please give more guidance.

THANKS
KISS

Yes it is tough and it all could have been avoided by doing recovery properly and not lying and hiding things from your wife.

This is a very sorry situation. Are you finally ready to do things the right way?


Even if you don't have her letter, lots of us here are familiar with Plan B so we can guide you.

Plan B leaves the door open to a wayward spouse if they create a proper plan for recovery. So your job is to create a proper plan for recovery.

RQ very probably needs a total break and rest from even thinking about you after discovering this latest deception. After months of a false, half baked recovery. Keep in mind that she may have just had enough no matter what changes you make. If you get another chance you will be very fortunate. It depends what her lovebank level is like for you.

It is in your interests to give her that break and allow her lovebank to recover.

One of the key things about Plan B is it stops her losing love for you. It protects her lovebank until you can offer her a recovery plan.

So no more appeals to get her back on this thread, no more emails/texts/attempts to break contact. That will just anger and tire her and damage her lovebank.

Let her heal in peace and let us help you work out a plan for recovery while she does.

It will take TIME. So I suggest you discover where you keep your stock of patience.

Sugercane,

I put in one of my posts within the last hour that I told her about things early in my affair. She was shaken up and told me that if I passed a poly graph that she would give me a commitment. Then yes a coule of days later she had me served.

I didn't have any other relations with other girls. I had an affair with one person.

It does involve the kids when I can't call them. I have to send a message through a nother person and hope thay relay that message and she then lets the kids call me. That is controlling the kids and having that power. I am isolated from my kids.

KISS

You will need to use logic, not emotions to get out of this.

PLEASE please please stop talking about how hard this is for you. You have had months of warning that you were screwing up!

The actions required involve a plan for recovery.

Not holding her. A monkey could do that. A PLAN for RECOVERY.

I suggest you look up the plan for recovery from an affair as outlined by Dr Harley.

And all the advice for recovery posted on this thread.

Are you going to answer any of these questions? I do not believe for one minute that RQ made up lies to get an Order of Protection, against you. What did you do or say to bring this about?

I also doubt she is "hanging out" with an ex..

Indiegirl,

What about her contact and hanging out with her exhusband? How do you feel about that? She talked to him during our recovery. I read text messages of him telling her How beautiful she is and she always has been. Also her text him about going out together on a saturday afternoon with a group of people. Then them discussing each others relationship problems after I told her months prior what a big issue it was for me.

KISS

Karmarose,

What do you think she is doing? do you think their is something to it? Please clarify.

KISS

Because you destroyed the relationship with their mother. So you can't call her up whenever you like any more. You can see your kids by following a visitation schedule, but you've lost RQ as a co-parent because she is heartbroken and needs a BREAK. That isn't her controlling you that's just a fact. She needs a break from the heartache.

Did you expect her to be your friend for life no matter how she was treated? If you don't like this state of affairs, you need to get a plan together.

I apologise for my mistake about the number of affairs.

What did you tell her about "things early in" your affair?

You had the power to be living with your kids all along. You threw this away. Rq gave you many chances to work properly on recovery and you squandered them, and now she doesn't want to see you. That means you do see and speak to your kids, but not in your wife's presence. That is not her manipulating them.

You had chances to stop this happening and you squandered them and hurt your wife.

Well I feel two things.

1) Completely stunned you haven't mentioned this before now. Why is that?
2) Bemused you think it has anything to do with YOUR job to offer her a good marriage and make up for your affair. You need to clean up your side of the street first.

I was shooting for what indiegirl just said, should have clarified.

Why did you not mention this until now?

kiss...pay attention!!!






Stop worrying about RQ. You can't get your own [censored] together so stop trying to deflect the focus from you onto what RQ may or may not being doing. Since you ignored my previous posts you will probably ignore this one too.

I'm divorced. My ex pulled the same crap you are now. Is that where you want to end up? Pay attention to what YOU need to do. Good grief.

I went out with a couple of my friends one night. We went out to watch the Yankee game. The only reason I went was because the night before Rocketqueen didn't come home and I got a text from her that day saying that she would pick up the kids after school friday and bring them to me on Sunday. So I took it as she was going to stay at her parents as she talked about staying a part a coupke days earlier. So when I came home she was their and locked me out. She called the cops. I went and ran(stupid). The cops left. So I went back she called the cops again they came back and I approached them. They said that Rocketqueen called them because I was drunk and threating her. They checked me out and said I was fine that I wasn't drunk and I wasn't. So they made her let me in as its my residence so she cant lock me out of my house. Its the law. So since that didn't work she went and talked to ***** and he advised her to go file for an order of protection. She told the judge in her statement that I was drunk and threating her and she was scared for her and the kids safety. I have never in 14 years ever threatened or touched my wife. I would never do that. She knows that. So on wednesday at 2 we go to court. I can't email, text, send a message or call my wife. I can't go near her work or the house so I can't contact my kids. If I try to call any of them I get arrested. So anyone out their that wants to go into a plan "b" just go to your county court house and lie and you will have your plan "b"

KISS

SugerCane,

I told her that I did make out with and kiss the girl I had an affair with prior to me moving out. I did not have sex with her. But she doesn't believe me why would she!! She has asked me to take a lie detector test so I can prove to her and give her closer. witch I want to do ASAP.

KISS

I'm out.

If she said she wanted you to go, you should have respected her wishes instead of a) forcing her to call the cops and b) calling her a liar.

You are an adulterer who has lied right through recovery and you still have social and text interations with women that spear your wife through her soul.

Are you sorry? Working to make it right? Nope. Just blameshifting.

How's that working out for you?

Good luck figuring this out on your own Kiss.

She should never have needed to go to court. You should have gone voluntarily. It is a disgraceful state of affairs that you won't respect her wishes and leave her alone.

A min ago, you said if she needed space you'd give it to her. Then you insist on staying in the house (assuming what you said is even true) when she clearly did not want you there. Why would you run? If you weren't drunk, why didn't you go elsewhere for the night? This does not add up.

What did the cops do to ck you out?