Absolutely nothing. I wanted to sit down and plan this week with him on Sunday, but since he didn't get home until nearly 9 completely exhausted, I didn't. I will bring up AGAIN, what are we going to do fun this week sweetie ( with a big smile on my face!)? That is one thing I will ask the Harleys is that he has no recreation outlets with the exception of traveling and/or camping with the kids. That is his fun. I'll pick something from the list to suggest.. Friday night he and the boys will be at the football game where he is team doc. Saturday and Sunday are open as well this weekend, so I guess it doesn't have to be Friday.. I have no plans.

Plus, he has all of next week off. He has plans to bushhog the place, start repainting the fence and pick up the tons of limbs we have on our 50 acres ( heavily wooded) and has invited anyone that wants to come to go the lake on the boat. (Which means my daughter will come.. Boys will have schoolwork or class.) Once again I will try to negotiate a fun activity for just the two of us!!

BTW I am going to be a caller in a couple of weeks. Joyce said I have the honor of sending them the longest e-mail they have ever received. ( Good thing I only sent her the one I edited...the first one was 10 pages!!!) She was excited to have someone with a couple with a good relationship on that needed to be tweaked. And see that is just it. I like my husband. I enjoy being around him. He is the sweetest man on the planet and a hard worker. I would just like to see alittle more of him and be a higher priority than the kids!!!

That is so exciting for you! Let us know when you're on.

And thinking outside the box.... schedule something fun for just the 2 of you for Friday, Saturday AND Sunday. Maybe ask him what he'd like to do, just the 2 of you. Maybe you can get more buy in from him if he's suggesting it?

And I would suggest taking "a little" out of this sentence. "I would just like to see alittle more of him". You want to spend more time together. I still think he doesn't get it if he invited everyone over to go on the boat, without checking with you? I would think you'd want to aim for scheduling your hours together before things like that get decided, and POJA in deciding that. Are you enthusiastic about everyone coming over on the weekend?

Good luck!

I'll ask, but he would see Friday, Saturday and Sunday as excessive. He would think we were neglecting the kids. Whenever I ask him, he has no suggestions. What he wants is to stay home. That was his qualifier last time we did something.. So I set up the tent at the back of the pond. ( Couldnt see the house.(We made somemores and talked. It was great. He loved camping in the tent. However, his comment was, "I should have been doing this with the kids all these years..." Sigh.. He is SO kid focused. I know a lot of moms would LOVE for their husbands to be so concerned/involved with their kids. AHH.. scheduling. I have been unable to get him to schedule our weeks.. Yes, I keep telling him we need to be intentional.

No one is coming over this weekend. At some point during his week off he wants to take the boat out for a day. No one is coming over. He will just take me and whatever kid wants to go. I will try to pursuade him to just take me. But my husband and kids are making me feel like the evil wife that wants to keep daddy away from his kids!!

Tw, I think you need to stress much more honestly how you feel.

Your husband is a nice guy. He will listen to RADICAL honesty!

All this 'can we spend a LITTLE more time together' isn't radically honest. Cause it sounds like you're happy with your meal and just want seconds.

How do you REALLY feel when logs and chores and kids and party guests and football is more of a priority than YOU?

HONESTLY?

Give your feelings to us full pelt.

But there are 16 hours that you are likely to be awake each of those days. There would be time for an activity with the kids AND UA time as a couple.

Yes, I will do that except I don't have a clue what you mean about party guests. We never have anyone over. He just wants me and the kids not anyone else. ( I'm the social butterfly that misses interacting with people, especially since yall made me give up most outside activities!!!! Right now I talk to other adults on Sunday morning! and Wednesday nights when I go which is about 1/2 the time now.)

Several situations at work. They will be losing a partner and call has to be redone now. They are having an emergency meeting today. He didn't get home until 9 after he got an extra case added that this partner was supposed to do. He left at 5:30 this morning. He looks so incredibly tired. I don't want to add to the stress... It wasn't the right time last night or this morning. He's on call tomorrow and I forgot that he DOESNT have Friday off because he is taking all next week off for vacation and the next week off for a mission trip. So I'll talk to him on Saturday. I'll just force him to plan out his week off WITH me...but only after he gets a good night sleep maybe Friday night.

Frankly, it sounds like he needs to give up the mission stuff that takes up entire weeks. If he's so busy and overwhelmed, it's an obvious first thing to go. He can return to it when you no longer have kids living at home. Maybe.

tired, folks asked you to consider planning 2 hours a day with your H, and if it took giving up some outside activities, so be it. The idea is to replace things with stuff with your H that you enjoy even more, to make is sustainable. And then you may well find that you still have time to do other things in the week, too, especially with the schedule your H has.

Yes, but here I sit... I'm BORED!!! Daughter is at the grandparents until Monday. This afternoon I am starting to take everything out of her room and get it reorganized and clutter free. I'm not really excited about this, but oh well. I'm just waiting until I can add back activities.. Honestly not sure what else I should be doing. But what I HATE is feeling like a puppy dog just waiting until dh gets home.. I HATE that feeling. I've always been so independent. I am really at a loss right now. I don't know that dh likes me being that needy. ( Oh sorry just realized I've been using the dh which means dear hubby for those that don't know. That is an abbreviation everyone uses on my homeschool boards..)

We use that here, too. I'm still thinking that you may be focusing your efforts in ways that are making you sad but not contributing to the change you are making in your marriage. What is it that you would be doing that you are not today?

Ok, I'm not sure I'm understanding what you are asking: focusing efforts in ways that are making you sad but not contributing to the change you are making in your marriage... Can you explain or give me an example. I'm not sure what this means.

What is it that you would be doing that you are not today? Well, I could be on the transition team at church planning what direction the church should go and talking with the adults there.

I could be working with the local organization that helps out families that are homeless. This would feel like something God would like and feels productive. I was starting to organize our church's involvment with this when this summer hit and backed off. It is a neat program offering job training and or help with schooling and their kids and providing them a place to stay and meals. It is well done and people have to be willing to help themselves and must meet some goals set out.

I could be coming up with songs that my youth sticks group would do for the service: cool ways to present the gospel. All ages LOVED their presentations and the teens involved like it as well. They've asked me when we are going to do it again.. I've told them I don't know.

I would like to teach a financial course to the teens at church as well.. I could keep going. There are tons of things I could do that would be fun and creative.. I just don't find housework creative or exciting... Sorry! I love working with people.

Where is your husband in this list of things to do?

What do you mean? I thought she asked what "I" wanted to do...

His list would include things like organizing the safe ( it is a mess and has 15 years of tax statements and negatives and such), picking up limbs from our 50 acres and having a bonfire with the limbs, painting the metal fence around our place that includes stripping, priming and painting..

Now if you are talking about what we could do together then it would be things like going to Christian Concerts, hiking, camping, possibly bowling or putt putt golf. He just seems to think doing that kind of thing is superfulous. I mean he enjoys them, but aren't useful... Does that make sense?

Is that what you mean by that question??

I guess housecleaning and doing things around the house doesn't make me feel like I'm contributing to the world or making it a better place.

Sorry I was unclear. You are saying that you are sad doing housework today. But you are saying that's what you're doing because that's what the board told you to do. If I understand correctly, folks are asking you to consider stepping back for this season, while you're working on your marriage, on managing so many things that take a great deal of your time in the evenings. I think you could do any of those things you listed in manageable amounts during the day, on days like today, and still leave a bulk of time for your H and family in the evenings. I think as you get your marriage back on track, you will find ways to add back time outside the home in ways that don't interfere with your marriage. Does that make more sense? What do you think?

Oh... I already did that. One thing my husband wanted was for me to be home when he was home. I only did things during the day when he was gone with the exception of Wednesday nights... I always tried to be home when he was home. I thought the forum was saying I shouldn't be doing that...

Also they told me I should give up praise team and choir on Wednesday nights.. I offered that to him as a birthday present and he refused to accept it. That said, I haven't been going about 1/2 the time and staying home.. However, most of the time he has had something else to do during that time so it has felt like a waste.

What I mean by my question is, where is your husband in the things you desire to do? Where are the plans for things that will draw you closer and give you a more satisfying marriage?

I am not a fan of housework, either. Feeling your pain!

Oh.. if I could dream.. We would find a mission to do together. That would be awesome. I'm really wishing I could go with him in a couple of weeks. We went together last May and it was PERFECT. For the first time we had a mission we could both do: he was doing surgery and I was on the prayer team in the hospital. We also got to go play and minister to orphans which we both loved. He has been asked to take a bigger role in this organization as the leader is wanting to retire. We will all go as a family in May. ( Generally this group goes in November and May)

That was one reason I backed off all things church and even the homeless shelter. I'm tired of doing things like that by myself. To be honest, I decided I wouldn't do anything else until we could do it together. I thought we would be teaching Sunday School together or leading the youth together or something like that. But not with his job.. So now I am lost.. If I can't do it without him, then I can't do it...

Once the music minister at the time asked my husband to be in the musical. He and I played a husband and wife and sang a duet together. HEAVEN. I told my husband that was the best Christmas present he has ever given me. My husband is actually pretty musical as well. It was funny, though. I played a woman who got pregnant by accident when her husband was out of a job. Shortly after this musical I accidently got pregnant with my daughter.. The church found it very funny!!!

Also, I already keep the house neat ( being messy is a love buster to him). I'm giving him backrubs and head rubs every day. I'm listening actively and giving feedback to his venting about work situations. He has me praying for his day with him every morning before we leave ( We hug and I pray for his patients for the day or whatever he has on his agenda.) I have lost 15 pounds!!!! I'm buying some new lingerie and clothes on Friday as I am a size smaller now!!! I've been exercising every day which he finds VERY sexy! I've planned 4 different dates for us over the past couple of months. I have several things we could do this coming week, but don't have any idea if he will want to. I'm not sure what else to do! I mean I've addressed the two things he mentioned on his EN questionnaire: domestic support and attractive wife.