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Joined: Oct 2012
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Please give me your opinion.

I have known my boyfriend for about 1 year, we both work for the same retail company, different stores, but all in the same city. We were friends for 7 months before he asked me out on a date. He had just got out of a bad relationship withwhom he had a child. The ex-gf had started a relationship with someone else and was an overall very bad person to my ex. She was abusive mentaly and phsyically and he would often talk to me about this.
After they broke up he immediatly wanted to start something with me. I recommended space, he said he didn't need it as he was done with her long ago. He moved from their apartment, bought a house. The drama with the ex continued, she and him would fight a lot, once she even lied and told the police he hit her, so he was charged with DV. He had to get a lawyer, and pay big bucks. She went after him for high amounts of child support. It was a nightmare for me too, but I stuck by his side.
Why did I stay around? This guy was so good to me. Well liked my my co-workers, he moved stores so that we could date, which was a $1,000/month pay loss for him. My family loved him. He was thoughtfull and would do anything for me. We were so alike and always had a great time together. He supported all my plans and dreams for my life, like no other guy I have dated has.
And then, 5 days ago he comes over and asks for a break. He said he has been stressed out like crazy over everything. His financial situation has taken a turn for the worse, school is overwhelming him and he feels like he isn't being the best dad he could be. I said okay. We were both crying and then he left.
He leaves, picks up his kid a goes to take her to the mother, and they begin to talk. He says he has been having these feelings like he wants a family and things lead to another and they hook-up, not sex, but might as well have been. He told her he missed her and that he still loved her. After it was over he freaked out...and knew he had messed up.
He had to go out of town for work and when he got back that next day he made her meet him at a gas station and said he was wrong and that he shouldn't of done that! He realized that he wanted to be with me and not her and she didn't take that well at all. She e-mailed me all that had happened.
He then later shows up at my house with flowers and says how wrong he was and that he made the biggest mistake of his life. He said he does want a family really bad, and knows that it won't be awhile with me since we have only dated 5 months so he tried to rush into one with her, but that was wrong and he would rather have it with me. He said he loves me more than anything and hopes I can forgive him. He said he will back off and give me space to think and that he will wait.

What do I do? Forgive him? He is still going to have to see that ex a lot. I love him, so I don't want to throw it all away, but he hurt me bad!


I am 25 and he is 24

Last edited by candiland791; 10/18/12 01:34 PM.
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How old are you and the bf?


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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I'm 25 and he is 24

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Candi --

You've been dating 5 months and he already failed a major test.

There are lots of better men out there who won't cheat on you or have the baggage of another family.

While you think its dreamy and romantic for him to take a pay cut to date you -- I think its irresponsible and selfish. He has a child to consider and pay for. He had no business taking a paycut over a girl. (sorry)

You do not need to sign up for a lifetime of doubts because he's hooking up with his ex. They are going to be in each others life a looooong time.

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You need to read Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders. Taking a pay cut of that amount for an x-month old relationship?

That's insane. He is not someone who makes good choices. A buyer (a person who wants a great marriage someday) would keep things on an equal footing and get to know each other before doing something so sacrificial and silly.

A freeloader (emotionally speaking) is someone who puts in LOTS of effort in the beginning of the relationship. They flood your lovebank so you feel obligated and so you will always be there for them, always forgiving. No matter what they do.

He did this to her too. He left her feeling completely bereft, and pregnant, after all his fine words and gestures designed to bind her to him. Shell let him back any time cause he's got her where he wants her.

Don't be the next in line.

I realise you love him but a five month relationship will fade away.

It'll be like getting over a bad flu, then you'll be OK.

If I can be firm after a 15 year relationship and ten year marriage - you can stand up and do better for yourself too.

And for petes sake, wait a bit longer before being exclusive and serious with someone and getting so wrapped up next time.

Don't trust your heart to a stranger. And one with a bad relationship resume at that.

Last edited by indiegirl; 10/18/12 02:12 PM.

What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Candi,

You understand all that crap he said about his "baby mama" was a load right?

Oh, evil baby mama, she's this/that. It was a good way to make himself look great for you.

He has been untruthful to you the entire time. Whether you choose to believe the obvious OR what you "want to believe", is your choice.

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Run for the hills.

AGG


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Get outta this before you become Baby-Mama #2.
There are 2.9 billion males on the planet, and even if you set aside all the ones that are too old or too young, that still leaves a whole lot of better prospects for you than this dude. C'mon, seriously: You get one shot at life; do you want yours to be a never-ending episode of the "Jerry Springer" show? If not, then aim higher for yourself.

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Originally Posted by candiland791
After they broke up he immediatly wanted to start something with me. I recommended space, he said he didn't need it as he was done with her long ago. He moved from their apartment, bought a house. The drama with the ex continued...

At the very least your bf is very immature. That he breaks up with one woman just to jump into another relationship...you have become the rebound girl. He has a child with this supposed nut so you would have to deal with her for years to come. There are a lot of redflag here. You are young and have only dated him for 5 mos. Not being married to this guy, I would not sign up for this sort of drama and heartache.


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Run!! There are lots of good guys out there you can fall in love with who don't have this kind of baggage.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Are you sure he is not married? and that he may just be playing you?... he has all the talk of a wayward hubby ...

MNG

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I agree MNG but he can't even be bothered getting married before life gets 'too hard' and cheating 'happens'. Five months in!! This is his early test for the 'forgiveness' level of each gf, I'd say.

"Before we go any futher, I need to test you. I've slept with my ex. Can you show me that you're willing to roll over and take that before I knock you up? Thanks"


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Huge amounts of child support. He didn't take that job for YOU, honey, he took it to avoid paying as much child support.

His ex is abusive? Mentally and physically?

I highly doubt that.

As others have said he has all the attitude of a wayward husband. Drop him YESTERDAY!


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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How do you know she lied about him abusing her? Because he told you so? Hmmm...another redflag


Enacting life's lessons into positive change... .

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