When you meet someone you really, really like the feeling is very intense and of course you are not going to be interested in dating other people. At the same time you need to be aware that this might not last so be sure to preserve your life outside the relationship.

Enjoy the magic of infatuation but keep it just between the two of you. Plenty of time to bring children into the picture once you really know each other which takes months because you have to be in a lot of different situations to know who she really is. I was lucky in that my children are older and so I told them I had met someone and we agreed the six month time frame together.

They do know, I've been up front with them about it. I wanted to make sure they were OK with the idea and that they had some buy-in to the whole process. I'm very lucky in that I have children that have rolled with the punches so to speak incredibly well.

My daughter and youngest boy have absolutely no issues with it conceptually. They think the idea of me dating at this point is "cool." My 11yo is more reserved; I talked to him about the prospect a few days ago. He's perfectly ok with me dating, he's just nervous about meeting someone new because as he put it, he's just nervous about meeting new people. That fits in with his personality; he has a hard time starting new schools and grade years.

I don't expect entirely smooth sailing with the kiddos just because things are never truly that easy. Just trying to make sure they know that they're important throughout all of this divorce and post divorce "thing".

Travis

Cool idea getting the kids buy in like that. I like it!

TC, I've been following but haven't had much chance to post. I mentioned your situation to NG and she thought it was awfully early to get the kids involved at that level. She had a lot of dating experience prior to meeting me and so I respect her opinion on that type of thing. To paraphrase she was saying that you have potentially your whole lives together, so there is no reason to rush that part.

In my experience I would stick with the suggestion of, say, 6 months. And don't listen to the kids. My son thought it was cool that I was dating, but then when he was actually faced with the prospect of a step-mother entering the scene, things changed a lot. They really don't get the dating/relationship thing - their insight does not really reflect what is right for them (e.g. they'd probably love to try sword swallowing or cliff diving, too, but you'd intervene I'm sure).

You have plenty of time to really get to know EACH OTHER. Bringing the kids in to the relationship complicates things for sure.

I'm just reiterating what others have said... hopefully it still helps.

opt

Hey opt, how are things?

Thanks for the advice, I appreciate it. Honestly, I'm still inclined to think that six months is too long. I'm not sure why I feel this way but I do. Haven't made a final decision either way yet though. I agree with you regarding not listening to the kids; I'm cautious. I know there will be issues of some sort or another but I'm hoping to mitigate them as they come up. Trying to just keep talking to them and getting their honest take on all things.

I'll be thinking about this my entire trip. Maybe I'm over thinking things. I dunno.

Travis

Now that vacation is over, I'm back on watch (12 hour shift work) for four weeks at work and generally settled back into a semblance of a routine I thought I would throw an update out here.

Vacation was very good from the perspective that I got to spend time with the kiddos and see some very old friends that we love like family. It was an adventure driving the 900 miles with the kids; it was by far the longest car ride they've ever been on. The boys were sort of introduced to recreational archery (they did a little of this in school but the training bows are not the same) and I think it's something that we can do in the future together for some serious FC time. Bows for Christmas it is!

I did however miss A very much and couldn't wait to get back. She had a vacation as well a few days after I returned so it was tough dropping her off at the airport but she had a good time and came back safe so all was well. Our relationship has progressed quickly since I last posted. She and I are spending a significant amount of time together; mostly every day I don't have the kiddos. Her girls are heavily into sports after school which makes scheduling time together somewhat problematic; we have just had to remain flexible and grab our time when we can. I haven't broken out how much UA time we're spending together; perhaps it's something I should start keeping track of but I would say based on LB deposits, we're hitting the 20 hrs a week mark. It really is amazing to be with a woman who so effortlessly meets my needs and is so happy that I'm meeting hers.

I did introduce her and her children to mine with really positive results. The kids really seem to like her and have thus far gotten along with her daughters VERY well. They have a lot in common I think and A is very good with my children. Having both sets of children involved occasionally has added a new dynamic to the mix but not a bad one; I feel very comfortable now going forward that while I'm sure there will be issues to POJA regarding the children at some point in the future, there are no major personality conflicts right off the bat (which would have been a major barrier).

We're also very much opening up to each other about all kinds of things. For instance, one thing she appears to be very concious about is the possibility of infidelity. Her deceased WXH was a serial adulterer and two of her relationships post divorce have ended due to cheating. During relationship conversations over the last few days she has brought up that topic several times, enough for me to ask about it and start a conversation.

So I think I need some help, especially from those of you who have been BHs or BWs. While my WXW cheated on me heavily during the divorce process, I was not concerned about it from the aspect of recovery so I don't know much about EPs. This is obviously a big deal for A; I talked to her a little bit about my own personal EPs in so far as I am not willing to be alone with women other than her. I would like to suggest to her some exclusive relationship appropriate EPs that we could put into place that would ease her mind on this. What I mean by this is that things like complete transparency in a married relationship is essential but isn't appropriate at this stage in ours; I'm not ready for anyone to have access to my bank accounts for example. Could you folks help me brain storm on this one?

Ultimately I'm very happy with the way things have been going. I'm learning more and more about A every day. We're learning how to more efficiently meet each other's needs and I love the way we fit in each other's world. I took her to a dinner party for work Friday night and she was a instant hit with my friends and coworkers. I met her father a couple of weeks ago and he and I got along great. We're making plans together for the holidays which is very cool. We've been moving very quickly down the relationship road but we're comfortable with where we are right now. At this point, we're enjoying the heck out of each other and are in no rush to move things along any faster than we already have. Enjoying this stage in our relationship immensely. Life is really good right now.

Travis

Nice to hear things are going well Travis.

What EPs would you like to see? What would make you comfortable? Open cell phones?

I suggest you email your question to Dr Harley on the radio show email link

NG's dad was a wicked philanderer. It's a major concern for her. Frankly I don't know why she stayed with me after I told her early on (in the interest of full disclosure) that I had committed adultery on my wife. But she did and we do address O&H from time to time.

I like being held accountable. It actually makes ME feel safe, for some reason. Probably because I was wayward once and know what a slippery slope it is. I leave my phone out, call NG during the day, tell her my schedule. (when we're married we'll share email I suppose, but niether of us has FB accts. and we don't socializewith others after work or anything.)

Sometimes I have been impatient when she asks where I was, but I remember how important it is that she feels safe, so I just go through it systematically; hopefully in a nice tone.

Keep in mind also, you are dating. Hopefully AGG will weigh in with some practical advice on the subject. I'm just telling you what I've experienced.

opt

As I heard at a relationship seminar once (yes, I actually went to one ), "Infatuation is a great phase, enjoy the heck out of it. Just don't make any permanent decisions during that phase. And be prepared for when the next normal phase, Disillusionment, hits ya".

Sounds like you are doing good .

AGG

TraTravis I love the update, good for you! It's awesome when you find new favorite FC stuff I don't think you need to try to count UA time just yet, like you see at this stage it takes care of itself!

My fiancee was the BH twice, so I let him know right off the bat that I'm a big believer in transparency. I am an open book and my cell phone is out and all, but we haven't discussed EPs in detail. I figure that would come in time.vis I love the update! My fiancee was the BH twice, I am an open book and my cell phone is out and all but we haven't discussed EPs at all, I figure that would come later. My fiancee is the