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Or if the mods can rename this one to staying calm through mayhem You just have to change the subject line. 
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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My wife has been involved in a EA for about 1 1/2months. She met this guy in west Virginia while she was on orders (she's reserve) she came home and told me she doesn't love me anymore and wants a divorce. I responded with anger and we had an argument since then we had three or so arguments concerning this. Right now I moved out and we are headed for a separation. I currently stay with a co worker and she stays with the kids in the house we shared. I am desperately seeking some advice on fixing my marriage she is steadfast on wanting a divorce and constantly says she needs her space. She says she isn't talking to him anymore I exposed the affair to everyone we know. He also has a fianc� or roommate as he tells my wife and I sent her a message on Facebook still havent received a reply. I know the is a player he has four kids with 2 different women. I have a son and a stepson with my wife. I know she strayed because of mu video gaming and lack of attention and affection I shown her. I stopped playin the video games dropped 50lbs. My change in behavior was because I was stressed and depressed about my job. She has a history of depression and now that I think she stop taking her meds. She is back on them now and I noticed a change, am right for trusting he word on not speaking to this guy anymore? She claims she doesnt want to work on the marriage. What should my next step be?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Thanks new to this forum stuff lol. Today was horrible and good at the same time. I went to work and she is there working too. She has drill this weekend and chose to do her work doing the week knowing I'm there as well. In the office next to mine. It was very uncomfortable I really wanted to say something to her but I didn't I maintained my plan b. she seemed nervous and anxious like she wanted to talk to me as well but was hesitant because of the Order of protection. In my office when I get upset or angry I listen to music that reminds me of her. I did that and she heard it as well. The closed the door to the office she was in. This is the hardest thing I ever done in my life. I wanted to grab her and tell her I love her and give her a big kiss. Tomorrow I have to do the same thing. Did she do this cause she missed me? Or is it because she being spiteful? She got a new job at a department store so she isn't going to stay with OM in his state so I guess that's a plus I guess. Need some advice, am I handling this correctly? Should I say something to her? Could this be a ploy?
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Have you given a copy of the Protection Order to your Commanding Officer?
You should not be working side by side with her.
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Not working side by side. My command knows of the situation. As does hers and both agree just stay away from each other.
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Read page 88 and it talks about technology for Orders of protection. Not sure how to digest that to my current situation.
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Never mind I see it. Ill let it ride. My command knows and my CO backs me 100% so I'm safe it's just weird is all.
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Was on the radio show today and I got some awesome advice! I plan to follow through with it Dr. H said I was too judgemental and that was a LB. Also, he said I was the cause of her depression even though she didn't say it. As for taking the kids he said she has an escapist attitude and that why she left with the kids because she felt our relationship was going bad. He said I need to be less judgemental and be part of her escape plan so to speak. The show was aired today if anyone wants to listen. Dr. H also said h that couples remarry often after divorce and I need to tell the truth in court even though its damaging to my wife.
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Was on the radio show today and I got some awesome advice! I plan to follow through with it Dr. H said I was too judgemental and that was a LB. Also, he said I was the cause of her depression even though she didn't say it. As for taking the kids he said she has an escapist attitude and that why she left with the kids because she felt our relationship was going bad. He said I need to be less judgemental and be part of her escape plan so to speak. The show was aired today if anyone wants to listen. Dr. H also said h that couples remarry often after divorce and I need to tell the truth in court even though its damaging to my wife. I'm so glad you received direction from Dr. H. I can't wait to listen. I will post it as soon as they post it.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
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Were you encouraged to proceed with divorce?
Did he say to plan a or b?
I don't why he dismisses your wife's actions in that way and told me to be more protective of my kids from my wife
Did you tell him about OM rape and abuse history?
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Yes I told him about that. I think he said to be more supportive and deposit love units because of her history of being an abuse victim. I was told to go through court tell the truth even though it will hurt her but at the same time avoid LBs such as educating her and being judgmental. Today at work she seemed like she wanted to talk again but didn't. Ill wait for BH to post the show and hear everyone else's advice/perspective. I sent her a poem via email. Oh and it seems like I should plan a it because my plan a was AO and very flawed
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I will listen to the show.
At this point I will refrain from making further suggestions to you so you can receive advice from plan a pro's.
I wish you luck and will cheer you on.
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How did your wife and OM be "prayer pals" when he lives so far away?
Have you read Hosea?
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Well they prayed together via the phone during the EA. I think they got confused.
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Something does not add up.
The mans ex wife said that he raped and drugged people for sex.
Now he is a "prayer partner" on the phone?
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A betrayed spouse called the radio show today.
Her husband is in the military and the military gave her the option of pressing criminal charges.
Are you able to file charges against OM?
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She also says he uses that to pick up women. His game is to find weak vunerable married women in additional his main girl. Use up the married women as. Then send them on their way if they don't have money to support him. WW is reserve as is he. She told him she was going to go active duty and he saw $$$. Now she can't because of medical reasons. His civilian job is menial in pay and he works on the side as a "personal trainer". A classic narcissist. After an argument with me about the EA. WW and the OM "prayed" for me on the phone during one of their conversations. My wife is religious and he used that to his advantage and she allowed him to. I talked to her today because what I gathered from the call was to be nice aka Plan A carrot then stick with the mantra of rebuilding the marriage while eliminating LBs. We are going out to eat sometime this weekend. I'm not sure that the OM is out of the picture or another is there. I'm swallowing my anger, demands, and judgments in order to be the caring person she needs right now. NG if your out there your hardcore advice would be helpful as would any other vets.
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Oh there is an ongoing investigation on him and her.
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I'm assuming you still have this from my post of 31 October. Clean it up, print it out and, after confirming that the two of you are splitting the check ( ![[Linked Image from planetsmilies.com]](http://www.planetsmilies.com/smilies/innocent/innocent0001.gif) Oh, NG!), hand it to her as what she must be prepared to do. Dude! Where did you get the supply of "nice guy" pills?
> A full confession to me and mutual friends and kids
> A sincere, remorseful apology to kids friends and family
> Why you think this happened (name the problem on both sides --you've got to name it to claim it) Waste of time, and gives her "spin" opportunity
> A detailed recovery plan (what it is and how YOU plan to implement it) You drive the bus, TD, so: Follow to 100% compliance the recovery plan TD defines
> Proof you're working a 12-step program for addiction
> See a psychiatrist for your personal issues.
> Proof is required on demand.
> NC letter to POSOM
> enroll in a follow the MB program together
> read follow all Dr. H books I can READ a Superman comic, but still can't "leap over tall buildings in a single bound" - it takes me TWO
> legal agreement where the kids don't leave without my permission Unenforceable, as long as she remains a custodial parent, so: Give up custody of DS to you, exclusively
> no more OS friends
> complete transparency; no Facebook or social networking And, all passwords to private and work IDs. If work cannot accommodate your access, she changes jobs
> change units
> STD test
> verification of her "illness" story
> MIL? Passport? Access to funds?
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