I hate to disabuse you of this notion, but the 'monthly gift' hasn't stopped affairs since Jesus' day.

Your wife is a liar because she is having sex with another man. She's not going to tell you the truth about that. I would suggest you contact the OM's wife, SO or family immediately. I would also suggest a polygraph to determine the truth of her affair.

Are you afraid of the truth? What is YOUR plan?

How many women do you think are having their period when they marry? Do you think that stops them from consummating their marriage? NO.

Welcome to the club no one wants to be in. I really am sorry you are here. But more than that I want to warn you that your marriage is still in danger.

Start reading posts from Men who just found out about the affair. And then read their postings a few months later. It is very rare that the Affair ended and the wife is over the OM.

My Ex-Wife told me she never had sex with the OM. Would never do that to me. Never mind that I knew it was a lie. I had a talk with her for hours. I wanted to see how long she would cling to the lie. She Never and I mean Never would admit to it.

I showed her emails which told of their love and great sex life. My then wife said her and the OM both knew I had been watching them so they made it up.

Well she was not thinking about the Pictures they shared with each other. I even had video of them together in my bed. She still denied everything saying I was crazy. She had many pictures of them together on a computer that I found. I then showed her one of the pictures of the both of them. I cried when I first saw it. It was her giving him Oral Sex and he was taking the picture. After I put the picture on the table she stopped the denials.

Just a thought but even if your wife had her monthly bill that does not mean they did not have sex. Think oral sex.

And your Wife is still working with him. She admitted she was attracted to him. It is very possible they were having sex for a while and it is continuing. Just read the stories here if you do not believe me.

A WW will lie. They will only admit to what you can prove. If she is working with him you are playing with fire.

Do not let them see each other. You will regret it. End the job today or make other man quit. Best of luck to you.

Sigh. Okay, I'll be more explicit; women on their period can, and do, have sex. No need to think 'oral' sex.

Umm blushing here I guess. We never have and didn't think you should.. He won't come near me during that time. So though the going over there and kissing is to me WAY bad enough and she is probably having an affair at least emotionally, she might not have done something. But you have MAJOR boundry issues. I can't believe you would think it was ok for her to have a guy friend she can go have drinks with!!!!!!!!

It's called blind trust, I believe, TW45, and as you seem to be aware, blind trust is a very naive and BAD thing for marriage.

Well if in doubt have a polygraph.
But your first step is to order Surviving an Affair by Dr Bill Harley. You can get it used on amazon VERY CHEAP.
Get the next day shipping because you need it. It has a plan on how to kill an affair.

While waiting on the book you need to expose this affair to her employer, her family and the other mans family and married friends. You need to expose all at once. Are you willin to do this to start killing this affair?

It never dawned on me before wandering the internet that some women don't have intercourse during their periods.
It has been news to me.

I hadn't either. My first X named it the Red River Shootout in honor of the Texas/Oklahoma football rivalry.

Now THIS brings back some odd memories!

LOL

Rob,

Welcome, and I am sorry for your troubles. Here�s the thing: the help you are reading is not based on bitterness and current hurt. In fact, it�s just the opposite coupled with experience from folks that have recovered marriages (and not) for many years.

Have you read the Basic Concepts on this site? If not, do that first. It�ll give insight and understanding of the advice and feedback you�re getting. Without understanding Basic Concepts you are likely going to respond exactly as you did, and throw out the notion that there is non-objective and educated help here. You will also reject the advice you�ll get here. You should know that many, many posters here were former Waywards, so they know from which they speak.

No one here knows if this one-night event is an affair or what happened. What we DO know is it is rare for an attraction to a person outside the marriage to just disappear due to guilt, admission, etc. And, if the 2 parties BOTH have that same regret >>>listen<<< it FUELS the attraction and risk to your marriage. Hear this: FUELS versus wards it off. And, if they see each other at work�no �complete pass�?...it�s worse for you, hun.

And, yes women have sex regularly when they have their period. Maybe not with you, Rob. I�m sorry to say that. Let�s assume that it�s not the case. Does not change the situation. At. All. Same course of action.

Know this: your wife is emotionally attracted to someone outside of your marriage. Is/was/maybe could be still. This should be your goal to correct. Marriage Builders can help you do that. Read�

Viper!

Rob, why don't you take a look at the sagas that some of the people before you have been through. Here's a good example:

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...in=160043&Number=2365838#Post2365838

GROSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

okay, thanks for the replies.. I know her kissing the guy.. was basically what she has been telling me for a while is that, we never make out.. its kiss boom boom and were done, and go watch tv.. she said she would do a polygraph test if we had to.. she did call her parents the next day and told them what happened and i was over hearing her saying the same thing she told me. She also told her best friend.. so she has mentioned it to others. I admit emotionally i was not there for her at all, and it seems like this was her way of lashing out.. but i do see regret and remorse from her.. i do, i'll never know what really happened. I did do mistakes in the past. got hammered went to a bar and dirty danced with a woman and probably did more but honestly do not remember, her friend saw me there. I will be telling her today that she will be leaving her job. If she does not want to that will explain to me more and I will then ask her what she values more, what I feel or her current job.. and i will go from there.

and yeah, Im 100% positive my wife was on her pad, she has terrible cramps and i obviously see the evidence in the bathroom garbage.. She will not have sex with me on her period, yet alone someone she would want to impress.. and I know what she lacked and it was attention and emotional connection.. which is what i avoided and a co-worker easily offered and took advantage of her by getting her liquored up and making the move, before she stopped it and called me to come get her. She agreed to never drink again, and to not have males as friends because they do get attached to her, ( She is a very beautiful girl ) She did tell me in the past jobs how some guy keeps trying to get her number and ect.. I believe she has been honest with me, and this all would have been avoided, because I did get the warning signals alot.. on a daily basis. Anyways, I will tell her to quit and if she does not then I know what i have to do.

Is the guy married?

Have her write a NC letter now.

here


[from SAA, pg 58]

OW, I want you to know that out of respect and love for my wife and children, I have come to realize that I must never see or talk to you again. My relationship with you was a cruel indulgence that BS did not deserve. While I cannot completely repay BS for the pain I caused her, I will do my best to become the husband she has been missing. I care a great deal for my family and I would not want to do anything to risk their happiness. I will not make any further contact with you and I do not want you to make any contact with me. Please respect my desire to end our relationship.

Sincerely, XXXXX

no the guy is not married.. my wife is a friendly person and gives people the benefit of the doubt.. the problem was this person was doing what i wasn't listening to her, having conversations and so forth.. and she seemed to lead him on and he new she was married but some people get a thrill out of that, and he invited her over, she took it as a friend wants to hang out. She went even messaged me every hour saying all is good.. then she called me and said to pick her up and i did and she told me in the car, i drank to much, and he just kissed me and i kissed back and then i realized what I am doing and stopped. Well here we are now.. That is all the contact she has been with the person, I am a shift worker, So Im home when she is pretty much all the time.. I come home at lunch and i see her home, She only knew this person for a month. HE saw a beautiful girl and went for it, she saw him as a friend and it just happened. Still not an excuse.. Seeing if she is willing to quit will show me what she really feels about our marriage.

Will she write the NC letter? What EPs are you both going to put in place to make sure this never happens again? To protect your marriage?

Will she ever see this OM again? She needs to have no contact with him for life.