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Originally Posted by kiss
littlebit3,

It's a family member.

KISS

Thank you for clarifying. It would be a good idea to have him re-test. Is it too late? If he couldn't get an accurate answer, then RQ did not have the information she needed. That failed question is a deal-breaker. We can't feel safe if we think our spouses are still lying to us or holding back any information. You go the distance to make sure that RQ has the correct information, even if that means paying for the test again. Do it PRONTO!!


BS Me 47,WH 49
DS's x3 17, 10, 7
Multiple D-Days
No disclosure by WH. No EP's, no transparency, no guilt or remorse either.
Plan C DOES NOT WORK!
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Originally Posted by kiss
littlebit3,

It's a family member.

KISS

What family member? Sister? SIL?


Ddays 2007 and 2011
Plan B 6/21/11
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2 kids
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Originally Posted by Northwood8900
Originally Posted by kiss
Black_Raven,

It has been seven or eight years since I have watched it. I never watched it regularly. I have watched it since but it has been a long time. Its not something I feel a need for. My wife has done a great job of meeting my needs.

KISS

crazy

Ok, come on now! It's been since 2004 or 2005 since you watched porn but you've watched it since then?"

Please answer.


Me, BS: 35
WxH: 36 "HAM" Hearts a mess
6yo DS (with WxH), 9 and 12yo DDs from first marriage
Discovered DH's affair in June, 2011
"I'm not having an affair, you're crazy." major gaslighting
Served with divorce papers on 2/3/12
Divorce final 7/29/2013
Living day by day, counting my blessings, loving my children
Personal Recovery well underway!
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Originally Posted by JenniferVoyager
Originally Posted by Northwood8900
Originally Posted by kiss
Black_Raven,

It has been seven or eight years since I have watched it. I never watched it regularly. I have watched it since but it has been a long time. Its not something I feel a need for. My wife has done a great job of meeting my needs.

KISS

crazy

Ok, come on now! It's been since 2004 or 2005 since you watched porn but you've watched it since then?"

Please answer.
Jen here is his answer.
Originally Posted by kiss
It has been a couple of months since I have viewed any kind of porn. The only reason that I included it was because it was on HerPapaBears list and a friend said that it is a big issue in her marriage.

KISS


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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littlebit3,

When I took the lie detector test he went through a questionaire asking me the questions and he asked on the question if I had sexual contact with the OW before I moved out. I told him that we had oral sex both ways but I didn't get excited and nothing worked. It was a couple seconds each way.
What I don't understand is that he asked me the question "Besides what you have told me did you have sexual contact with the OW before you moved out of the house on January 18th". He said that it came back as a possible lie so he did it two more times and he said that it came back with some deseption. He saaid that your thought process gives the machine a false reading and throws off your answer. He then asked me what are you thinking. I told him I was thinking about the situation he was asking me about. He told me to stop thinking. How the hell do you do that.

So he wanted to ask me a couple more quesyions about that question. He asked me if I was lying when he asked me the question about sex before january 18th. I replied no. He said that came back as the truth. Then he asked me do you believe that your thought process is what made the question about sexual contact with the OW before January 18th show possible deception.aid yes and he said that was the truth. So I have much doubt in this process

I offered RQ that I would take the test again because I was not comfortable with the process. She said no that she got the information that she needed from the info that I provided already.

KISS

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Went around looking for cars today. didn't find anything to exciting. trying ti stay in a budget is tough. I am probably going to bring my car to Florida and my sister is going to take it. she is going to take over the payments as she needs a car and can't get a loan. Now I just need to start hunting for a car. I think my best option is to look at some of the smaller dealerships around as the new car dealers have little if my price range.

I also called a marriage counselor today. I'm hoping to be able to go soon. I'm just waiting on a call back.

KISS

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Originally Posted by kiss
I am probably going to bring my car to Florida and my sister is going to take it. she is going to take over the payments as she needs a car and can't get a loan.

If this car is a trigger for RQ, wouldn't keeping it in the family just "kind of" diminish the problem? Besides, what happens if/when she cannot make the payments on the car? Does it default to you and, by extension, RQ?

Family or not, if a bank won't give someone a loan then that should be a red flag.

I'd sell the thing yourself and be done with it.


Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2

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Originally Posted by Northwood8900
Originally Posted by kiss
I am probably going to bring my car to Florida and my sister is going to take it. she is going to take over the payments as she needs a car and can't get a loan.

If this car is a trigger for RQ, wouldn't keeping it in the family just "kind of" diminish the problem? Besides, what happens if/when she cannot make the payments on the car? Does it default to you and, by extension, RQ?

Family or not, if a bank won't give someone a loan then that should be a red flag.

I'd sell the thing yourself and be done with it.

I'd agree 100%


Kiss you are still looking for the easy solutions instead of asking yourself, "what is the right thing to do...."





Recovery began 10/07;

Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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Is this marriage counselor one that follows MB?


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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HerPapaBear,

I am looking at it that if I trade it in I will get ripped off. I would rather give it to my sister in Florida as she doesn't have a car right now. We live in 1200 miles away. I will discuss it with RQ. I will do what ever she wants.

KISS

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Scotland,

I am not sure if he does or not. I haven't spoken to him yet. I just left a message. It is something that I will be asking him.

The counselor is someone that is recommended by a family member. She said that she really likes him and that he really helps them talk about their issues.

KISS

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Originally Posted by kiss
The counselor is someone that is recommended by a family member. She said that she really likes him and that he really helps them talk about their issues.

Is this the same family member that I asked you a question about that you didn't answer? It would be nice if you could answer all of the questions...


Ddays 2007 and 2011
Plan B 6/21/11
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2 kids
How to Plan B Correctly
Parallel Parenting in Plan B
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Originally Posted by SusieQ
Originally Posted by kiss
littlebit3,

It's a family member.

KISS

What family member? Sister? SIL?

Ignored. I would appreciate an answer.


Ddays 2007 and 2011
Plan B 6/21/11
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2 kids
How to Plan B Correctly
Parallel Parenting in Plan B
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Originally Posted by kiss
a friend said that it is a big issue in her marriage.


For the record, this person was first referred to as a "friend". This is why I don't think it is a blood relative and I don't think it's an accident that this question has gone unanswered. Can you please tell us who this person is?


Ddays 2007 and 2011
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Originally Posted by kiss
HerPapaBear,

I am looking at it that if I trade it in I will get ripped off. I would rather give it to my sister in Florida as she doesn't have a car right now. We live in 1200 miles away. I will discuss it with RQ. I will do what ever she wants.

KISS

Still don't get it, do ya!

Eliminate ALL triggers..... You don't give the trigger to a family member. Doesn't matter how far away they live....

The problem now is that you are demonstrating that you value your sisters need for a car more than you value your marriage.

It's the same thing over and over again with you. This is why your wife is in Plan B.... You're still not safe.... You're still making decisions that demonstrate how thoughtless you are toward your wife and your marriage. In your eyes, everyone else's needs are equal to or placed ahead of your wife's.

Now you're worried that you're gonna look bad when you tell poor sis that you might renege, AND/OR you're gonna make your wife look whacked out. Don't you see this? You keep creating the drama because you are still thoughtless in your decision making process....


Who cares if you take a bit of a loss trading it in..... It's worth it!

Do you see that just that statement about money, STILL places the money ahead of the needs of your wife??

Time is running out!

Tick, Tock....





Recovery began 10/07;

Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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SusieQ,

It is the same person. I would rather not say who it is. I don't want to put someone elses marital issues on my post. I need to focus on my recovery.

KISS

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Originally Posted by kiss
SusieQ,

It is the same person. I would rather not say who it is. I don't want to put someone elses marital issues on my post. I need to focus on my recovery.

KISS

Trying to throw out the "I want to focus on my own recovery" cr@p isn't going to make us stop asking. There is a reason that it was asked. There have been MANY MANY affairs that have happened between family members that weren't blood related. You could at least answer if there is a BLOOD relationship to you. There is a REASON that SusieQ asked this question, and it was to point out that you still don't understand boundaries, which also means that you aren't safe enough for RQ to attempt recovery with you. WE ARE ALWAYS LOOKING OUT FOR YOUR RECOVERY. SusieQ wasn't going to suggest anything for this friend/family member.

And in regards to the counselor, I can almost GUARANTEE, just by the way this "friend" described the person that he or she DOESN'T follow MB. If a counselor doesn't follow MB, it is going to be a waste of your time to even go to them.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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HerPapaBear,

The biggest factor in me giving my sister the car and taking over the payments is because of our financial situation right now. If I take a lose on the car i will not be able to get another one. I'm looking at trying to buy a car for about $3,000. Any lose on the car comes out of that so if I get $1,500 less then I owe it leaves me $1,500 to buy another car. So I would be looking at buying a crappy car that will probably need work done that I wouldn't be able to pay for. My financial situation sucks right now. I will not be able to get a loan right now.

KISS

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Notes from 9/14 radio show:

People can become a serial cheater. They get the excitement out of the thrill of the chase. Then they get bored and move on to the next affair partner.

POJA in relation to step children.A step child can be more important then the new husband/wife. Step parents should not disapline their step child. You have to make the child enthusiastic about the marriage. 85% of these marriages fail.

KISS

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Originally Posted by kiss
HerPapaBear,

The biggest factor in me giving my sister the car and taking over the payments is because of our financial situation right now. If I take a lose on the car i will not be able to get another one. I'm looking at trying to buy a car for about $3,000. Any lose on the car comes out of that so if I get $1,500 less then I owe it leaves me $1,500 to buy another car. So I would be looking at buying a crappy car that will probably need work done that I wouldn't be able to pay for. My financial situation sucks right now. I will not be able to get a loan right now.

KISS

They have public transit where you live, right?


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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