Thank you for clarifying. It would be a good idea to have him re-test. Is it too late? If he couldn't get an accurate answer, then RQ did not have the information she needed. That failed question is a deal-breaker. We can't feel safe if we think our spouses are still lying to us or holding back any information. You go the distance to make sure that RQ has the correct information, even if that means paying for the test again. Do it PRONTO!!

What family member? Sister? SIL?

Please answer.

Jen here is his answer.

littlebit3,

When I took the lie detector test he went through a questionaire asking me the questions and he asked on the question if I had sexual contact with the OW before I moved out. I told him that we had oral sex both ways but I didn't get excited and nothing worked. It was a couple seconds each way.
What I don't understand is that he asked me the question "Besides what you have told me did you have sexual contact with the OW before you moved out of the house on January 18th". He said that it came back as a possible lie so he did it two more times and he said that it came back with some deseption. He saaid that your thought process gives the machine a false reading and throws off your answer. He then asked me what are you thinking. I told him I was thinking about the situation he was asking me about. He told me to stop thinking. How the hell do you do that.

So he wanted to ask me a couple more quesyions about that question. He asked me if I was lying when he asked me the question about sex before january 18th. I replied no. He said that came back as the truth. Then he asked me do you believe that your thought process is what made the question about sexual contact with the OW before January 18th show possible deception.aid yes and he said that was the truth. So I have much doubt in this process

I offered RQ that I would take the test again because I was not comfortable with the process. She said no that she got the information that she needed from the info that I provided already.

KISS

Went around looking for cars today. didn't find anything to exciting. trying ti stay in a budget is tough. I am probably going to bring my car to Florida and my sister is going to take it. she is going to take over the payments as she needs a car and can't get a loan. Now I just need to start hunting for a car. I think my best option is to look at some of the smaller dealerships around as the new car dealers have little if my price range.

I also called a marriage counselor today. I'm hoping to be able to go soon. I'm just waiting on a call back.

KISS

If this car is a trigger for RQ, wouldn't keeping it in the family just "kind of" diminish the problem? Besides, what happens if/when she cannot make the payments on the car? Does it default to you and, by extension, RQ?

Family or not, if a bank won't give someone a loan then that should be a red flag.

I'd sell the thing yourself and be done with it.

I'd agree 100%


Kiss you are still looking for the easy solutions instead of asking yourself, "what is the right thing to do...."

Is this marriage counselor one that follows MB?

HerPapaBear,

I am looking at it that if I trade it in I will get ripped off. I would rather give it to my sister in Florida as she doesn't have a car right now. We live in 1200 miles away. I will discuss it with RQ. I will do what ever she wants.

KISS

Scotland,

I am not sure if he does or not. I haven't spoken to him yet. I just left a message. It is something that I will be asking him.

The counselor is someone that is recommended by a family member. She said that she really likes him and that he really helps them talk about their issues.

KISS

Is this the same family member that I asked you a question about that you didn't answer? It would be nice if you could answer all of the questions...

Ignored. I would appreciate an answer.

For the record, this person was first referred to as a "friend". This is why I don't think it is a blood relative and I don't think it's an accident that this question has gone unanswered. Can you please tell us who this person is?

Still don't get it, do ya!

Eliminate ALL triggers..... You don't give the trigger to a family member. Doesn't matter how far away they live....

The problem now is that you are demonstrating that you value your sisters need for a car more than you value your marriage.

It's the same thing over and over again with you. This is why your wife is in Plan B.... You're still not safe.... You're still making decisions that demonstrate how thoughtless you are toward your wife and your marriage. In your eyes, everyone else's needs are equal to or placed ahead of your wife's.

Now you're worried that you're gonna look bad when you tell poor sis that you might renege, AND/OR you're gonna make your wife look whacked out. Don't you see this? You keep creating the drama because you are still thoughtless in your decision making process....


Who cares if you take a bit of a loss trading it in..... It's worth it!

Do you see that just that statement about money, STILL places the money ahead of the needs of your wife??

Time is running out!

Tick, Tock....

SusieQ,

It is the same person. I would rather not say who it is. I don't want to put someone elses marital issues on my post. I need to focus on my recovery.

KISS

Trying to throw out the "I want to focus on my own recovery" cr@p isn't going to make us stop asking. There is a reason that it was asked. There have been MANY MANY affairs that have happened between family members that weren't blood related. You could at least answer if there is a BLOOD relationship to you. There is a REASON that SusieQ asked this question, and it was to point out that you still don't understand boundaries, which also means that you aren't safe enough for RQ to attempt recovery with you. WE ARE ALWAYS LOOKING OUT FOR YOUR RECOVERY. SusieQ wasn't going to suggest anything for this friend/family member.

And in regards to the counselor, I can almost GUARANTEE, just by the way this "friend" described the person that he or she DOESN'T follow MB. If a counselor doesn't follow MB, it is going to be a waste of your time to even go to them.

HerPapaBear,

The biggest factor in me giving my sister the car and taking over the payments is because of our financial situation right now. If I take a lose on the car i will not be able to get another one. I'm looking at trying to buy a car for about $3,000. Any lose on the car comes out of that so if I get $1,500 less then I owe it leaves me $1,500 to buy another car. So I would be looking at buying a crappy car that will probably need work done that I wouldn't be able to pay for. My financial situation sucks right now. I will not be able to get a loan right now.

KISS

Notes from 9/14 radio show:

People can become a serial cheater. They get the excitement out of the thrill of the chase. Then they get bored and move on to the next affair partner.

POJA in relation to step children.A step child can be more important then the new husband/wife. Step parents should not disapline their step child. You have to make the child enthusiastic about the marriage. 85% of these marriages fail.

KISS

They have public transit where you live, right?