Did you change your contact information? Change everything so he can NOT contact you.

Your Love Bank isn't depleted because your LB bank was in the positive. Trust me, if you continue to stay out of contact with him you will continue to heal. The other thing with Plan B is that it protects your LB in case your WH starts to meet your conditions then you MAY be ready for a recovery.

On the pictures a few posters have boxed them up for later. I wouldn't destroy them, just box them up until you're ready.

What do you have planned for yourself? Are you reading any other of Dr. H's books? Buyers, renters and freeloaders is an eye opener.

I have changed pretty much everything. I cannot change my work email so I will have to be strong enough to just forward it to my IM or delete it. But I realize NOW how important this plan B is going to be for me to heal so I will just delete I believe.

I haven't given him any conditions except for way back in September when he got his first plan B letter. That one seems stupid now b/c he just said he would and then he didn't. He tried to give it all to me, for about a month but then he slipped so of course I knew right away b/c I had access to everything and it's been downhill(or back and forth) ever since. I guess I want to give him some sort of way back into the marriage but then again he might just lie and try and then not be able to follow through. He actually does try, b/c at that moment he's telling me, he believes himself. He gives me access to everything. Hands it over like he'll do anything to prove himself, but then a day or week or month goes by and his need for Elvis is just to much, I guess.

I have tons of support. I'm heading to my friends for dinner tonight. I have made plans for travel in February and my other friend wants me to commit to RAGBRAI! I don't know where your from but maybe someone will know what that is. It's way in July 2013 which makes me nervous to commit to b/c it's so far away but I told her I would! It's a week long cycling event. I've done it before(4 times) just not for a few years. It makes me nervous b/c I don't know where I'll be at that point in my life. Plus it's a weeks vacation to exercise; I'd rather be by the ocean.

Also I tried to make an appointment to file D. He never returned my call, but I'm sure he will Monday. He knows my mother so I'm sure he won't put me off. He actually said my first appointment is free since he knows her. Then this morning I didn't want to file yet, but this afternoon I do want to file??? I don't know what to do? I get I should file first and that's why I want to, but it makes me sick and sad and feel bad. That's not an excuse anymore but I can't help but have that teeny tiny sliver of hope. Which is why I know I need to stay in plan B perfectly. To help me decide.

I will order that book tomorrow. I will finish this one and actually do all the worksheets and then I will continue on to that one.

Thanks BH, I really need the support so I appreciate it a lot. I've tried to explain MB to my friends and they get some of it, especially Plan B, but it's hard to sell them on all of it. With time I guess and as I get wiser about the program.

If you have outlook at work you can block his email address.

I would file and you can always stop if he was to meet your conditions. He had your PBL before, but he knows how to work you and knows your weak points. File and stay dark in your Plan B. You will heal so well. I'm glad you have a support system IRL. The times in Plan B that are difficult are when you're alone. Come here and ask for help when you feel weak.

MB posters want to help you.

So talk to your lawyer and file, ok?

If your SIL is not your IM, then any message coming from her doesn't count. If you respond to anything that he sends via SIL the he will handily ignore your IM.

Make sense?

Tell your SIL that you do not want to hear anything else about your husband--including, and especially, any messages.

Regarding divorce, that is your choice. You can file now or set a date that you plan to file. I encourage you to file now so you have legal protection against his actions.

Regarding your question: Can serial cheaters change?
The answer is yes. People change all the time. Alcoholics quit drinking, porn addicts stop looking at porn and cheaters stop cheating.

The Bible tells the story of King David, who fell into an adulterous affair with a soldiers wife. David later repented of his adultery and turned back to God, after he essentially ordered the death of his affair partners husband. David faced consequences as a result of his affair, including the death of his firstborn child.

The best way to help people change is to allow them to face the natural consequences of their actions.

BH - I will look more into my email at work on Monday. I will call our "lady" who knows how this works and see if she can help me, ha ha!

Northwood - I think tomorrow I will text her just that. I'm sure she was getting pressure from my BIL and that is just not exceptable to me. I did get really angry today about her texting and calling me, b/c she knows how they are, she knows how this works, and she should want to protect me, regardless!

Knight - Even though it seems crazy, it's been in my favor to know he could change, b/c he's not! And that's the most important point to me. It breaks my heart but I just keep thinking of the pain he will feel when I'm actually not there, ever! Which is now, but it's new, so I have to keep being strong. Just not responding last night was such a big deal to me, and probably to him! It's differant! And I have to keep moving towards differant!

NW -The more today went on, the more I was mad, and tomorrow I WILL text her those words. He can go through my IM, it's his path to me, and if he doesn't agree it's not my problem. I feel like nothing is my problem anymore.

Anyone that is reading, which I'm not saying there is b/c I feel like b/c my WH is a serial cheater their is less remorse from people. As weepy as I am right now, it is WAY better than before. He does not get to decide when he calls me, he does not get to decide when to see me. I have always been at his mercy, b/c I love him. I will not feel bad that I love him. But!!!!!! I am stronger now b/c of MB; I am stronger now reading IndieGirls thread, I am stronger now kowing many, many people here have tried and failed, tried and failed! I love my husband! I would do anything for him to change! But this is it! This is my saving grace! I was dyiing before and now I'm not! Sad, but I'M not dying! I may be 4 days in, but I feel the relief already.

This is what I've been reading and reading....thanks for the reminder!

Hey there 6877. I am sorry that you are having a rough time. I know how painful it is.... I would like to ask you.... Please stop thinking about "the pain your H will feel" about you not being there or anything else. I really think you should keep in the forefront of your mind the pain YOU will feel if you stay with him because he is NOT going to stop doing exactly what he wants to do. He doesn't care that he is ripping your heart out. So, please show more care, protection and consideration for yourself. It is hard, I know. But, you can do it. It takes time to turn it around inside yourself. You are worth it 6877. You deserve so much better than what he gives you. He isn't in pain, not really, he is out filling all of his holes with everhthing he can to not feel any. He has probably been doing this his whole life 6877. He was doing this kinda thing long before he met you, and will continue b/c he doesn't have any other way to cope or deal with his issues. People can change.... I don't think he will. Not in the forseeable future anyway. Don't stay, waiting for him to change. It would kill you 6877.

Today was a weird day. I felt very strong this morning but this afternoon their has been a lot of tears. I moved the rest of his stuff out but he never came to get it. I guess his brother came early this morning to get it, which I don't know why b/c I never said it was ready.

I realize plan B is supposed to be about ME, and I'm trying to do that but it has been very hard to not just constantly think about him. I'm not thinking of him in a loving way or even an I miss you way. He hasn't been kind to me since we got married. I can't even remeber the last genuine thing he has done for me. I'm sure he is filling in all of the holes so he doensn't have to feel "this" at all.

I see now that I must have been having a panic attack on Friday. I have not broke my plan B and I have no intention of, but the urge to call him comes on really strong at times. I know though what's on the other end if I do call him, all lies!! It's hard not to wish things were differant and it's really hard to wrap my mind around the fact that my marriage was a mistake.

You need something to keep at hand to do when these attacks of wanting to see him come on.

Some of the posters have tried the rubber band around the wrist game (snapping it whenever they think about their WS) and one, I believe, (Scotland I think) put $1 (or its equivalent) in a jar for each time.

Pick up some small habit like that to help you get through this.

That's when you need to lace up your shoes and go for a run.
***edit***!

Here are some good clips on Plan B. Tell us what you think.
Radio Clip on Plan B

Radio clip of a BH and WW
Segment #2
Segment #3

Rose, this made me giggle b/c I was thinking, I don't have that much money!!

BH - Thanks I will listen tonight to those segments.

So I had a small break in plan B. My WH came to the house this morning at 6am. He pounded on the door, my dog was going crazy and I was so confused about what was happening I just let him in. He came in and wanted to talk, I said I wouldn't. I said "You made your choice now I'm making mine. You've had every minute of everyday to make this right and you've chosen not to." Then he starts crying and gets on his knees and just sobs in my hands saying he wants to come home. I just stood there and calmly said, "I don't believe you." He got up and went downstairs, I don't know what for I guess to make sure I got everything out and then he left. I didn't unblock him so nothing more has happened.

It didn't make me sad or feel sorry for him. I have of course all day been wondering what would it take for him to come home.
-Polygraph
-Counseling with SH
-He posts on this thread

But I know how hard that would be for him. To change who he is. I'm unwilling anymore to have anything less than what I am to him. Faithful, loyal, honest, loving! I wish with my whole being he would CHOOSE to be who I deserve, but I know I can't change him. He has to do it on his own. I will be okay, with or without him. I've given him all my love that I could.

Lol. What do you do when all your money is in the jar?

You are absolutely right.
You can't change him.
The mere fact he chose to ignore your plan b letter is a sign of disrespect.
You can only change your behaviors and how you respond to the behaviors of others (including him).

Be thankful that you don't have kids.

I am very thankful we don't have kids. My daughter is 14, I have no desire to do it again on my own.

I think b/c there was no PBL this time, everything is a bit more confusing. Just that he couldn't contact me except through my IM. He was saying, I'll give you all my passwords to everything. He does know what has to be done, and I've said before when he wants to come home he gives it all to me, but it just never lasts. It's like he wants to be honest but the pull is to much for him. Of course he hasn't read a thing on here or any of SAA, which I think makes a huge differance on your thinking about affairs. He's following his feelings and that's all he cares about right now, how he feels!

It sounds like that is how he has been his entire life

Perhaps.