RC, it sounds like you are progressing beautifully! You are so methodical and disciplined that it is a joy to read you walk through the steps. One question I had was about this:


Is he taking charge because you don't know yet WHAT you enjoy? Because the key is for you to find ways to make love that you enjoy and avoid anything you dislike. In other words, avoiding
unpleasant so you don't feel averse. Dr Harley once said on the radio if that when a woman enjoys the sexual experience, it becomes like crack to her! So the key is for her to teach her husband how to satisfy her sexually and avoid anything she doesn't like.

Keep up the good work, my friend!

MelodyLane - yes. exactly-I have no clue about what I enjoy in this area. From doing the Sexual Aversion exercises though, I am clear on what I do NOT enjoy, so that is a step forward for sure.
My H suggested me following his instructions and him being in charge so that we can work together to find out what is enjoyable for me. He is willing to work with me on the relaxation techniques if we come up against issues that make me uncomfortable.
We are also agreed to follow Dr Harley's instructions to the letter about not proceeding with intercourse unless I have reached sexual arousal.

Hope that answers your question.

Thanks for the encouragement.

RC

Hey raging .. i was thinking of you .. how did your hubbies procedure go?

MrNiceGuy - Thanks for asking-the procedure went well with no problems. H sat on a bag of frozen peas for a day, then he was fine.
This is just the best thing he could have done for our family. I am so thankful he was willing to do this.

Update

I completed the Sexual Aversion exercises in 32 days. H & I are now able to make love with no problems! We are both so happy with this outcome. It helps a lot that I don't have to worry about getting pregnant.

We are doing well with UA time-20 hours minimum. We are enjoying each other's company and H is thriving with all of his needs finally being met.

Toddler Boy is weaned and sleeping through the night in his big boy bed. I have begun the process of weaning the babies.

I have accepted a new job that I start March 1. It is only 30 hours a week and a significant pay cut, but with some serious number crunching, I think we can make it. We will have to sell the house and get something more manageable (payment-wise), but that is doable.

We gave up on the Nanny hunt, but have hired Household Help to come in daily to clean, do laundry & errands. That will help a lot (that is the work I was doing in the evenings).

I struggle with POJA at times, but H loves it!
I have eliminated almost all LoveBusters and H is patient with me when I screw up-I am a work in progress.

Thanks for all the input & support.

RC

Wow! Very impressive progress in one month! Shows what you can do when you put your mind to it and work the program.

You are doing so good, RC!! I sympathize with your POJA troubles. It sure didn't come easy for me at first either. Is your husband feeling better about everything now?

So your H has gone back and has a zero count? Seems pretty soon, but maybe I've lost track of time. I don't recall how long it was when I did this a few years back.

I do know getting the big V was the best $100 co-pay I ever paid

Congrats on your progress.

MelodyLane-yes, my H is feeling much better. He loves this program! Thanks for asking.

Enlightened Ex - No, it is too soon for a zero count yet-he had the procedure done on 17th. The Dr. said 10-12 weeks usually-he will get checked around that time. Alternate measures until then.
Thanks for the encouragement.

RC

Do not skip the test, and do protect meanwhile!

RC, I saw your post on another thread so I looked up your history and re-read your story.

You were making great progress the last time you posted here. How are things now? Having just re-read about how you were breastfeeding three kids at this time I am still astonished. Your body must have been under such a lot of strain. Are the twins fully weaned now? Do they sleep all night, in their own rooms? Have your energy levels gone up? Do you stil have someone to help with the housework, and do you spend regular UA time with your H?

You didn't tell us that your H had Aspergers on this thread. It was good that you could chime in with first-hand knowledge to help the other poster.

SugarCane - Thank you for your interest. It has been a while since I last posted-we have had a busy year. We sold our expensive house and bought a cheaper one. I quit my stressful (but high-paying) job and now work 30 hours a week at a teaching job plus a small side business at home.

Yes, the twins are weaned and in their own bedroom - they will be 2 in February! All the children sleep in their own rooms and through the night.

We do have daily household help plus my Mother babysits as needed.

Marriage Builders has been a great program for us. We are consistent with our UA time (15-20 hours) and continue to improve our POJA skills (my H is still better at it than I am).
We even managed a long weekend away earlier this Fall. We are both thriving-so happy we found the help & support of this forum during our marriage crisis. I still read a lot on here, but just haven't posted.

I did not mention the Aspergers because with all the other issues we had going on at the beginning of my thread, it just did not seem relevant.

RC

She is a GREAT STUDENT!! thanks for checking in, my friend!

I am thrilled to hear this report. You and your H are indeed great students and you deserve enormous credit for addressing each of the issues that were contributing to your problems; the job, the breastfeeding and co-sleeping and the overall lack of UA time.

The change in tone from when you first posted - completely withdrawn and ready to leave - is amazing. I hope others learn from your systematic approach to applying MB.

Congratulations!

I got the message from my fiance and I am confuse what should I write please advice.
Here is the message.
"I told you I was sick for the past three to four days. I'm feeling much better now. I don't think my father would be too pleased for me to go to alone. So that's why there has been no trip. It would be great to take time off work though. Who know when that miracle will happen?
So you are coming on Saturday and leaving Thursday, right? That's not bad though. Still longer than your last visit.
As for trying to get to know me more, go ahead and try. "

I will be very thankful of you if can sagest me the right answer.

SugarCane - Thank you, I appreciate your encouragement and support. After you pulled up this thread, I reread it from the beginning. I agree with you - I sound like a different person - I think I was going through some kind of nervous breakdown or something, when I first came to this site.

Anyway, we followed all the steps and tried to do everything right because we both wanted better for ourselves and for our children, so we had a powerful motivation to get it right.
I am grateful that we were both on board with the program. I should also add that although the steps are laid out clearly and simply, that does not equate to easy. This is the hardest thing I have ever done.

I am grateful also for the help and support from MelodyLane.
MelodyLane, I cannot thank you enough for the help and support you gave to me during that period of crisis in my life. You seemed to "get" my issue straight away and know just what needed to be done-Thank You.

Thanks also to Marcos & Prisca who were also very supportive.

RC

You are very welcome, RC!! I am so happy that you have been so successful as a result of your efforts.. You were pro-active and willing to do the tough things even though they were tough. Good for you!

Great update! .. its always nice to see people come back with positive results. Keep up the good work!