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Regarding the gym, some have posted here that Dr Harley warns people on the radio to avoid exercising at gyms because of the women there. As long as the husband and wife goes TOGETHER. He doesn't recommend it when one spouse can't go with the other, especially if there has been an affair. Spouses should not go alone,.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I go by myself not by choice. She has shown some signs but hasn't actually said she wants to rebuild. We talk about an hour or so a day about life and not the relationship.
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I go by myself not by choice. She has shown some signs but hasn't actually said she wants to rebuild. We talk about an hour or so a day about life and not the relationship. When my WH was on his deployment and the gym was our RA, Dr. H told me not to go to the gym alone. I was going with my DD13 at the time and he strongly stressed to me to not do it. My WH had one of his affairs right before he was deployed and I was so down and alone. Dr. Harley said the gym is not a healthy place for a married spouse to be. Everyone feeling good and those endorphins being released isn't safe.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I workout with my unit at the gym not by myself it's mandatory. When I work out myself I run outdoors
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I workout with my unit at the gym not by myself it's mandatory. When I work out myself I run outdoors Ok good to know. 
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Alternatively, you can submit yourself for chemical casteration and take anti endorphin medication and then it would probably be okay
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Negative there lol. Ill just keep my boundaries like I have been doing never had an affair without Dr. Hs material so I know now I want put myself in that position. Talked with her about her day, work, etc. reminiscing about happier times. Complimented her when I could but not overly so. So made some good LB deposits. Texting her g'morning and g'nite with a random how ya doing text doing the day. She smiles when she talks to me and loses he train of thought when we meet eye contact. DS is doing awesome learning how to tie his shoes now. Completed anger managment and parenting classes as well.
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That's great.
I learned a lot in the parentig classes. I use the tools I learned daily
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Sent her a nice i love you text midday and she replied please stop sending this stuff to me but she talked on the phone to me for an hour. Dismissing the text as fogbabble. Making progress I believe. Meanwhile on the stick front it seems POSOM indeed has a relationship. Tried to contact her again no luck. Any other tactics I could use to bust up the A? I already exposed.
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Sent her a nice i love you text midday and she replied please stop sending this stuff to me but she talked on the phone to me for an hour. Dismissing the text as fogbabble. Making progress I believe. Meanwhile on the stick front it seems POSOM indeed has a relationship. Tried to contact her again no luck. Any other tactics I could use to bust up the A? I already exposed. So are you still dealing with the TRO? Sorry if I missed that. Are you letting her see your DS3? She is still with OM?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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TRO? I dont know what that meanns. She comes to marital home to see him but its when he is asleep. She stays and talks with me for an hour or so then leaves. Last week was the last time she saw DS. Not sure if she still with OM from one of our talks she said she went to see him, I'm assuming announced he lives in FL and we are in Midwest, and she said she saw everyone and was upset. So I believe she knows she is not is main girl and he's still with his fianc�. I'm not sure if they talk still, I will assume they do. She has good days where we have intimate conversations then other days like today she acts guarded and angry. I know she is still foggy. That's why I think the affair is ongoing.
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TRO? I dont know what that meanns. She comes to marital home to see him but its when he is asleep. She stays and talks with me for an hour or so then leaves. Last week was the last time she saw DS. Not sure if she still with OM from one of our talks she said she went to see him, I'm assuming announced he lives in FL and we are in Midwest, and she said she saw everyone and was upset. So I believe she knows she is not is main girl and he's still with his fianc�. I'm not sure if they talk still, I will assume they do. She has good days where we have intimate conversations then other days like today she acts guarded and angry. I know she is still foggy. That's why I think the affair is ongoing. I thought she took a temp restraining order out on you. My bad,I was thinking of another story. Yes if she's still in contact with OM she is keeping her options open with you. She isn't at home and so you're trying to Plan A from afar?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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No.
He has a restraining order against her.
The court also gave him temporary full custody of their son.
She also has pending Children Services charges against her.
She originally fled the state and took her boys to Puerto Rico and returned with their son for a court hearing, which granted him custody and a restraining order
Last edited by Jedi_Knight; 11/30/12 10:20 PM.
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Another good show of a H Plan A'ing from afar, but keep in mind they don't think she's still involved with OM. Tell us what you think. Radio clip of Plan A'ing from afar Segment #2 Segment #3
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Assuming you believe yourself to be in some form of Plan A, I'll give you some form of advice related to that.
The BH performs Plan A without expectations. You just do it. You don't wait or look for improvements in her behavior or feelings for you. You don't ask "When...?", or "Why....?, about any of her actions. You just provide satisfaction of her key ENs without recompense. YOU JUST DO IT.
And then, if there is no return, for all your EN expenditure, your LB$ contracts and shrinks, and as it approaches ZERO, you cut over immediately to Plan B.
How's your LB$ holding up?
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Yea like JK said that's pretty much it. I are Dr. H plan to get her to be with me to deposit love units. He suggested that Andy go out as a family with his wife to get in LB deposits. I was thinking of doing something similar. I know for a fact OM isn't here so and I am the father of our son so I do have a huge advantage. Ill set up some family time and work that plan. I will also start helping her with things as I can. I'm on borrowed time since I filed for divorce. Hopefully this can be resolved before the divorce is final. I really love and miss my wife and family. I know somewhere in her heart she feels the same. Just foggy.
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I am willing to overcome any problems you have with me that might have tempted to you having an affair. The only demand I have is to cease contact with OM and any other male in order to focus on us.
I promised to cherish you and protect respect your feelings. I failed them, I see that now. I was depressed but that's not an excuse I didn't put you first. There's one thing you know about me I learn and don't repeat mistakes. This has been a Learning process for me. I understand your pain and depression and promise to use the marriage builders concepts, the counseling, anger management, and parenting classes and home ec class to make myself the husband you married and deserve. It's not too late for our family.
Love,
Was thinking of sending this to her or at least talking to her about it. Thoughts?
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I am willing to overcome any problems you have with me that might have tempted to you having an affair. The only demand I have is to cease contact with OM and any other male in order to focus on us.
I promised to cherish you and protect respect your feelings. I failed them, I see that now. I was depressed but that's not an excuse I didn't put you first. There's one thing you know about me I learn and don't repeat mistakes. This has been a Learning process for me. I understand your pain and depression and promise to use the marriage builders concepts, the counseling, anger management, and parenting classes and home ec class to make myself the husband you married and deserve. It's not too late for our family.
Love,
Was thinking of sending this to her or at least talking to her about it. Thoughts? You're in Plan A so this is good.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Posts: 1,650
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One thing has been nagging my mind all day, should I call OM? If so what should I say? I was planning on calling him and recording the phone call? Any thoughts was going to do it on Wednesday. Keep in mind POSOM lives 5 states away. Thoughts? Advice?
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I would not call him.
Considering what the ex wife told you.
And that there are pending military charges against him, what would be the point?
A more productive move would be to expose him to everyone.
And I mean everyone he knows and works with.
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