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No offense taken.
I wouldn't want to sit back if I saw a friend (or even a stranger) walking into a fire pit and sit by and do nothing. But hey, you're her friend.
Have you read what Dr. H says about staying in contact with any ex-lover?
Do you think you need to look at your "picker"?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Have read the book Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders yet? Here. Radio clip on dating Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders This is in the thread also. Clip of Dr. Harley talking about Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders Radio clip on Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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No offense taken.
I wouldn't want to sit back if I saw a friend (or even a stranger) walking into a fire pit and sit by and do nothing. But hey, you're her friend. I gave her advice that she should not trust the new situation & has every right to defend her family. Maybe I could suggest to babysit their children so she could join her partner on this weekly night out. That way I can help without actually getting involved? Have you read what Dr. H says about staying in contact with any ex-lover? I think so. Why? Do you think you need to look at your "picker"? Yes. I am working on that.
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Have you read what Dr. H says about staying in contact with any ex-lover? Because this friend is an ex-lover.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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We have been friends for more than 20 years. We had sex 2 times, 10 years ago when we were both frustrated from dating. We decided to stay friends back then & not to get romanticly envolved. We've met each others physical needs, no more no less.
Her partner, which has been a friend for 20 years aswell knows, we have talked about that a long time ago when they started their relationship.
If I would suggest to them both to cut contact because what happened 10 years ago: They are both going to think I am insane & they will be mad with me to even SUGGEST to drop 40 years of friendship because of an experiment.
Last edited by geroldmodel; 12/01/12 11:02 AM.
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We have been friends for more than 20 years. We had sex 2 times, 10 years ago when we were both frustrated from dating. We decided to stay friends back then & not to get romanticly envolved. We've met each others physical needs, no more no less.
Her partner, which has been a friend for 20 years aswell knows, we have talked about that a long time ago when they started their relationship.
If I would suggest to them both to cut contact because what happened 10 years ago: They are both going to think I am insane & they will be mad with me to even SUGGEST to drop 40 years of friendship because of an experiment. Do you tell all your new girlfriends about your past relationship with her? Experiment? Boundaries are an experiment? Does this friend of yours meet any of your ENs? Do you wonder why you only date freeloaders? Do you know any happily married couples?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I would loose my complete circle of friends too as a logical result. Does not sound as a healthy way to change my life AT ALL.
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I would loose my complete circle of friends too as a logical result. Does not sound as a healthy way to change my life AT ALL. You mean you've had romantic relationship with everyone in your circle of friends?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Posts: 280
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Do you tell all your new girlfriends about your past relationship with her? Yes, I did tell all my partners about my previous dates/encounters honestly. Experiment? Boundaries are an experiment? We were 24 and just out of university. Yes they were back then. Does this friend of yours meet any of your ENs? Conversation? We have conversation about our work, our friends, the world. Normal friend conversation. We see each other, in presence of all our other friends, in presence of our partners. Maybe once a month. It's not like we go out by ourselves or anything. If I would cut contact with lisa & her partner I would loose the rest of the cirlce as they all have young families & they do not have time to meet up individually. If I were to stop the gettogethers with my friends I will loose the whole circle. Do you wonder why you only date freeloaders? Yes Do you know any happily married couples? My parents.
Last edited by geroldmodel; 12/01/12 11:25 AM.
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You mean you've had romantic relationship with everyone in your circle of friends? What? No, I did not have any romantic relationship within my circle of friends. I had sex with one of them.
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You mean you've had romantic relationship with everyone in your circle of friends? What? No, I did not have any romantic relationship within my circle of friends. I had sex with one of them. Ok, my bad. I saw you posted this the same time I was and so I thought you were answering my questions. When I was dating after my D. I wasn't around a healthy group of "friends". Until I got my butt in gear and changed my environment did I get it. It took me too many bumps on the head and hurtful encounters to get it. What about joining new groups to meet new friends? I also found out the bar/club scene to be very unhealthy. You will attract the kind of people you want by being like the person you want. If you hung around people with boundaries you will live with boundaries then you will attract people with boundaries.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Posts: 280
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If you hung around people with boundaries you will live with boundaries then you will attract people with boundaries. My parents have boundaries, my friends have boundaries, I have boundaries. I though I met someone with boundaries but she went Wayward as soon as her friends threw their relationships & boundaries overboard. My ex is in a toxic friend pool. I am not.
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If you hung around people with boundaries you will live with boundaries then you will attract people with boundaries. My parents have boundaries, my friends have boundaries, I have boundaries. I though I met someone with boundaries but she went Wayward as soon as her friend My ex is in a toxic friend pool. I am not. Do you really think Lisa's SO has boundaries? Going out to bars with single guys while she is at home with the kids?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Posts: 20,440 Likes: 4
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So what are you hoping to learn with MB?
What have you done to work on your picker?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 280
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Do you really think Lisa's SO has boundaries? Going out to bars with single guys while she has at home with the kids? Yes, I do. 90% of the males I know do sports & have a drink with their male friends afterwards, single or not. They both decided this enthousiasticly before they had kids, she used to go out aswell. But circumstances change: there are kids now, so she stays at home. The latest development is her SO friends are joined by single women. She does not like the agreement in the new setting & I think they will come to a new agreement, thus changing the boundaries they once set on this subject.
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So what are you hoping to learn with MB?
What have you done to work on your picker? To learn what makes relationships work, were I went wrong & what I should change about myself to have a relationship for life. As for my picker: 1) Not to "pick" for while. 2) To tell women who are interested I hurt & I am not relationship material. I have no idea how to work on my "picker". Yes, I read freeloader, renters & buyers.
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So what are you hoping to learn with MB?
What have you done to work on your picker? To learn what makes relationships work, were I went wrong & what I should change about myself to have a relationship for life. As for my picker: 1) Not to "pick" for while. 2) To tell women who are interested I hurt & I am not relationship material. I have no idea how to work on my "picker". Yes, I read freeloader, renters & buyers. I can definitely tell you're serious about learning and educating yourself. Good for you, friend. Well on you picker. What are some common issues that you saw from your past ex/exes that you wish you would have noticed before? For example, my ex couldn't hold a job.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 280
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Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 280 |
I really like this idea to support my friend with her relationship to offer to babysit her kids with my best friend.
That way she can join her spouse on this night out (or do something else) & work on their relationship.
Now I know she has relationship troubles, I should avoid meeting her alone in the future. I could be a potential threat to their relationship too & I do not want to be in that position.
By babysitting I can be there for Lisa & John. They both were there for me to help me with my painful breakup. The least I can do is offer some of my extra spare-time so they can have some quality time together.
Good idea?
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Posts: 280 |
So what are you Well on you picker. What are some common issues that you saw from your past ex/exes that you wish you would have noticed before?
For example, my ex couldn't hold a job. I have to think about that one, will get back on it.
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I really like this idea to support my friend with her relationship to offer to babysit her kids with my best friend.
That way she can join her spouse on this night out (or do something else) & work on their relationship.
Now I know she has relationship troubles, I should avoid meeting her alone in the future. I could be a potential threat to their relationship too & I do not want to be in that position.
By babysitting I can be there for Lisa & John. They both were there for me to help me with my painful breakup. The least I can do is offer some of my extra spare-time so they can have some quality time together.
Good idea? Very good idea and excellent boundaries by not being alone with her. Hopefully she will go with him or they go out together for a date for some UA time.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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