***edit***

***Addresses were already exchanged by me via email****

The letter looks good to me, Tranquil!

As far as including the requirements to return, I left that for my IM to provide if requested.

TD, you should send me an e-mail from the e-address you want me to use. If you have WW's e-address, that would be useful as well. Also, when you send the PBL, please send me a copy.

Email sent.

I was on the show in November. Do you think having WW listen to my radio show segments would help? I was mulling over rather or not to include that in my PBL.

Could there possibly be anything revealed in the recording that she does not already know?

Dude, you're about thisclose to going to Plan B. If there were any evidence that she gives a [censored] about you, DS, SS or integrity, you'd have seen it by now.

Well exposed to the OM church's pastor via phone and sending 3 letters recounting the events of this affair. pastor stated what I already know he's an abusive womanizing pig. He and his fianc� have been on and off for 3 years and have a 3 year old daughter. Go figure! He also claims to be addicted to sex which the pastor does not believe. He isn't a member of the church his mother has been 10 years and he sometimes attends. Also, that he only runs in there 5k fundraisers in order to pick up women as most of the participants arent part of the church. Pastor offered me to have WW contact her. So here is where I am, should I let WW know the pastor of POSOM church wants to talk to her or keep it to myself?!

Personally, I wouldn't say a word. Let her walk in blindsided and have her feet put to the fire in the church in front of the pastor and God.

You give her/them forewarning and they will just preempt by going somewhere else or not at all.

Never telegraph your battle plan. Just execute.

Recovery plan

I want to have a romantic, loving, SAFE marriage and I will NOT stay in a loveless marriage. I am willing to give you an opportunity to earn my forgiveness. In order for the marriage to recover, certain things have to happen. This is what it will take:

1. End all contact with OM for life - send him letter that we write together and is mailed by me.

2. No more nights apart or going out without each other -we create a healthy, integrated lifestyle.

3. Complete transparency - cell phone, passwords,finances etc

4. No more opposite sex friendships

5. Complete honesty about your affair<s> � passing a polygraph

6. Commit to a program for marital recovery/counseling of my choosing.

7. No more flirting with OP

8. Timeline of the affair

9. Write a letter to all our friends and family apologizing for your affair and own it 100% This provides a crucial layer of acountability for you. We expose the affair to people whose esteem you value.

11. give me all the information he requests.

11. You be completely truthful and honest with me.

12. You tell me when the affair (including the emotional-only part of it) began, when and how the affair ended, even if he doesn't ask directly.

13. You give me all passwords to e-mail & phone accounts used by you to contact the other man, and you change your email addresses & cellphone numbers to ones that the other man won't know.

14. You close any secret accounts in my presence

15. You have no more contact with the other man, ever.

16. If the other man is married, then you make sure the affair is exposed to his fianc�/girlfriend/wife

For editing and review, thank you.

Well, personally I would write down the first & last name and phone number. (omit the word pastor)
Hand the message to WW saying "This woman asked to speak to you."

Then, let it go.

See what happens next.

16. If the other man is married, then you WE make sure the affair is exposed to his fianc�/girlfriend/wife

Dude some of them are redundant, I think:

1. End all contact with OM for life.....
15. You have no more contact with the other man, ever.

3. Complete transparency - cell phone, passwords,finances etc
13. You give me all passwords to e-mail & phone accounts.....

4. No more opposite sex friendships
7. No more flirting with OP

5. Complete honesty about your affair<s> � passing a polygraph
8. Timeline of the affair
11. give me all the information he requests.
12. You tell me when the affair.....

Recovery plan

I want to have a romantic, loving, SAFE marriage and I will NOT stay in a loveless marriage. I am willing to give you an opportunity to earn my forgiveness. In order for the marriage to recover, certain things have to happen. This is what it will take:

1. End all contact with OM and any mutual friends of his for life, send him a no contact letter that we write together and is mailed by me

2. You give me all passwords to e-mail & phone accounts used by you to contact the other man, and you change your email addresses & cellphone numbers to ones that the other man won't know.

3. No more opposite sex friendships

4. Timeline of the affair and information I request. when and how the affair ended.

5. You be completely truthful and honest with me.

6. Write a letter to all our friends and family apologizing for your affair and own it 100% This provides a crucial layer of acountability for you. We expose the affair to people whose esteem you value.

7. No more nights apart or going out without each other -we create a healthy, integrated lifestyle.

8. Commit to a program for marital recovery/counseling of my choosing.

9. If the other man is married, then we make sure the affair is exposed to his fianc�/girlfriend/wife.

10. STD/pregnancy screening

Changes made.

Ok going to plan b next week. Waiting for WW to take bills out of her name and then going dark! Reading the threads here I noticed one thing. When WW is invoked in a long distance affair exposure isn't as effective. Because the WW keeps the fantasy alive by saying this in their head. "When I move there with POSOM our relationship will be different." As is the case with my battle for marriage. Just conjecture, thoughts?!

WWs can become "love camels", able to go for months without replenishing the supply.

Okay, I'll be waiting for Plan B.

This sentence could also easily be applied to the WW of one our most recent (and reluctant) BS's on the board.

It also reinforces what I wrote to him last night to which he has yet to respond.

Of course, when he does it will just be with another excuse.

Just wait it out.
You'll be surprised at how much less stress you will have in plan b.

Just have a plan in place on what to do if she shows up at the home.
Also ensure anyone watching your son knows to call the police if she tries to take him.
She is so cagey she may try to kidnap him

JK, she already did that once. Even more reason to watch.

Update and its a doozy! While at church MIL calls me and leaves a message about how hard it is raising SS and how he hasn't been in school for 4 months because he doesn't speak the language. How FIL and WW great grandmother are sick and she can't take care of SS. She wanted me to call WW and relay the message.

I told her I haven't talk to WW in 3 days. That she told me she loves POSOM. MIL wanted me to give her the number to POSOM church so she can speak with the pastor to hear about how awesome he is LOL. I talked with SS and he is very angry with his mom. I told him to let her know and I would love to have him here but I can't because of the law. I told him everything that has happened and he is furious. He doesn't understand how she won't answer his calls but responds to POSOM calls. He doesn't understand how she could hurt DS, him and me with her lies about POSOM and about me being abusive.

What should I do? Get SS back home were he belongs and plan b or plan b without SS. I don't want him to feel abandoned. At the same time I'm tired of being hurt and getting close to AO. I called POSOM of course no answer. This dude is a fricking punk. His ex and pastor told me he isn't confrontational and in short his muscles are for the ladies. COWARD! I'm not having a good day I want to hulk smash this loser into submission. Anyways thoughts?! God bless

Is there any way that you can wrangle custody of him out of your WW?