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My children are split between us. What does that mean?  kid, if this is how you talk to your wife...you must drive her nuts...even without the abuse.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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I'm not saying that. I am saying that I had some unchecked issues and some of the poor decisions I made in those days were due to that. Yes many abusive men have ocd/add.
Kidd
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I'm not saying that. I am saying that I had some unchecked issues and some of the poor decisions I made in those days were due to that. Yes many abusive men have ocd/add. And many abusive men DO NOT. It doesn't CAUSE a man to become a wife beater. What has changed that would ensure she is protected from you? Have you completed an anger management course? Are you this cagey and vague with her?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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We're legally seperated and she has custody four days a week and I have them for three days. It doesnt matter as she is now filing for divorce with the same agreement however I wish that something could be done
Kidd
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Yes I did complete an anger management course and she just wants me to sign divorce papers for her. I will do it but I wish there could be reconciliation.
Kidd
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Yes I did complete an anger management course and she just wants me to sign divorce papers for her. I will do it but I wish there could be reconciliation. Well besides the anger mgmt program, what have you done to show your wife she is safe to be around you?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Well anything she asks for I am willing to give it to her. I am hurt about the other guy greatly and she caress so much for em. She says its my fault. I have also begin a medicatiion to get both disorders in line. However she wants to divorce AND she has for months but Monday is the actual signing to do it.
Kidd
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She actually moved back in for a while but not for the marriage just for the kids and when that happend it hurt me to see her going out with him and I found out through a friend they had sex. She is reported to feel guilty about it but I am just hurt. She was a virgin when we got together and it hurts me that another man knows her intimatley and that we were still legally married all she ever says it was my fault: "i GAVE IT AWAY"
Kidd
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Well anything she asks for I am willing to give it to her. I am hurt about the other guy greatly and she cares so much for em. She says its my fault. I have also began a medicatiion to get both disorders in line. However she wants to divorce AND she has for months but Monday is the actual signing to do it.
Last edited by kid7; 01/10/13 08:04 PM.
Kidd
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Well anything she asks for I am willing to give it to her. I am hurt about the other guy greatly and she cares so much for em. She says its my fault. I have also began a medicatiion to get both disorders in line. However she wants to divorce AND she has for months but Monday is the actual signing to do it. Who will get custody of the kids?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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She will but I will have weekend visitation. I know what I have done but the affair hurts so bad. I was an out of control fool and have done everything I could to try to show her that we can get help but she has a group of awful people(miserable) that she trusts. Her folks want her to give the marriage a try but after the signing of this paper work, we have sixty days and then were through! She hates me right now.
Let me explain that the physical abuse stopped five years ago but the hurt lagged on she did try to stick it out but trust has been shattered, please advise.
Kidd
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Why do you say that Jedi?
Kidd
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She will but I will have weekend visitation. I know what I have done but the affair hurts so bad. I was an out of control fool and have done everything I could to try to show her that we can get help but she has a group of awful people(miserable) that she trusts. Her folks want her to give the marriage a try but after the signing of this paper work, we have sixty days and then were through! She hates me right now.
Let me explain that the physical abuse stopped five years ago but the hurt lagged on she did try to stick it out but trust has been shattered, please advise. Have you thought about emailing Dr. Harley? Email your questions to Joyce Harley at mbradio@marriagebuilders.com. When your email question is chosen to be answered on the radio show, you will be notified by email directing you to listen to the rebroadcast. If you would like to consider being a caller, include your telephone number. You will be called by us to explain the procedure to you. Every caller will receive a complementary book by Dr. Harley that addresses their question.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I did and my situation had improved greatly. I suggest you do the same.
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Your wife should not have hooked up with OM before your D was final but I don't see her changing her mind about you or the D before Monday or any time soon given your admitted treatment of her...and the excuses for it. After many years of trying to fix the marriage and/or stick it out, when a woman is "done", she is usually "done" and has long been emotionally gone.
I suggest you continue to be a better person and father regardless of what your stbx decides or does with her life. Maybe she will give you another chance one day, maybe she won't but that is her choice.
Good luck to you.
P.S. If the awful (miserable) people she trusts just don't like you and support her decision to divorce, that does not make them awful and miserable people.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Black Raven you have served as great help. I think you are right God has really used you today thank you. As far as excuses I am not trying to make them the choices I made were sub-human but I simply wanted folks to know the WHOLE story before they studied.
When a woman is done she is done and yes with the weekend visitation I will make as many efforts as possible. I understand why the affair happend; had I been a man in the least this would not have happend she has never cheated before.
When I say miserable I do mean miserable for other reasons. Btw, personally I do not believe in telling people to divorce.
Also you have guessed correctly she was almost perfect other than this in the marriage. You dig?
Kidd
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When I say miserable I do mean miserable for other reasons. Btw, personally I do not believe in telling people to divorce. When you say you don't believe in divorce, does that mean under ANY circumstances? Do you believe, for example, that a woman should stay with a man who molests his children? Or who kills one of his children? Do you believe in unconditional love?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I do believe in unconditional love.
Kidd
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FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Posts: 3,686
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Unconditional love is what you want for your children when they are born with defects, or for animals with defects -- or other such situations. In a spouse unconditional love is dangerous.
"I love you even though you cheat on me so I won't complain or make it uncomfortable for you" means to a wayward that you are the perfect person to cheat on because you WON'T complain or make waves. More hurt for you. You don't need that.
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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