Sometimes, I was called upon to teach a new diabetic how to self-administer insulin injections. It is pretty easy (straight-forward) to teach insulin ..... unless the patient was in shock after just hearing the diagnosis.

If I yelled at the diabetic for being reluctant to do that first injection, I'd increase their shock, not decrease it.

Again ..... MY OPINION.

Adding:

Me: "This is how you store insulin. This is how you fill the syringe. This is how you prepare your skin. This is how you hold the syringe. This is the angle you use. This is how you dispose of the syringe."

What the diabetic in shock hears: "You are going to go blind, lose your foot to amputation, and then die of a heart attack .... Just like your Uncle Sid."

This is the reason I made an exposure thread with tactics, strategy and even templates. I haven't seen anyone suggest that a new BS "rush" into battle without preparing, though. Exposure and affair fighting is a very strategic maneuver. Telling someone to "expose" is to recommend a principle, not a "rush" to action.

Although there is no reason to WAIT to expose. It doesn't take long at all to gather contact information and arrange talking points. That usually doesn't take more than a few hours. Exposure should be done SOONER, not later. Like Harley states, "exposure should be done immediately."

here

What is important, especially to a very fragile BS, is for her to be given a PLAN. Hopelessness is a result of floundering around without a plan for a long time. Hopelessness causes despair. Executing a PLAN is extremely empowering to most BS's. I have seen many a BS change from a fearful, hopeless mess into confident, fearless warrior once she has exposed. It is a means of taking back some semblance of control over a very traumatic situation. The sooner that happens, the sooner the BS feels better.

And sometimes it takes spraying such a person with a water hose to wake them up. It might be painful to watch such a water spraying, but that is what it takes to wake them up.

Anyway, that is how I roll!

I think they need to be lead by the hand to expose as soon as possible.
Otherwise if some are not pushed to exposure, such as myself, te affair will go on and on.

I can relate Pep, having developed type 1 diabetes at he tender young age of 28...Yeah it was like, "So God wants me to die now..."

It took a couple years to take control of my diet and control the disease. With all the other challenges of a new wife who was pregnant..and drank like a fish...well you can guess the stress.

But facing the music is inevitable, so we must be ready to pounce when we get the chance, and not hold back the judgement that will set them free from the chains of their emotions..

I think this site and the posters should be aware that they have the power and influence and most of all, the experience, that so many BSs must be experiencing while in shock...They will come around no doubt, we hope for their sake.

Bottom line, nobody can take care of you like you can, and that is our responsibility, nobody elses.

If we don't have a team player, when are we to realize this?

Maybe after they are gone for good? Then we are left alone to explain to the kids why Mommy is gone? I find that even harder than, "Mommy does drugs, don't give her any money" But that is my opinion.

"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink" seems to pop up in my mind..but dang it we are gonna keep fresh water in that trough for when they feel like drinking


Yeah Mel well you Texans need to get hosed down quite a bit in all that heat..I would want the hose turned on me every day if I lived there..The summer I lived in phoenix was hot enuf for me.

Yes Pep they are in shock, and the thread you posted is a good tool, if they are able to get it..It goes both ways I am afraid..Those that get it and those with thick skulls.. Some days...

Yeah I ran into this when I tried to get our church to back me up with insisting my wife go to AA.

Finally realized they needed her to stay sick..so they would have some purpose in her life.

AA would have saved her..she was a smart woman

You can wield a water hose like nobody's business.

Once a newbie reads your Exposure 101 link/thread, they should be about ready to follow the exposure steps.

It is MY OPINION that an important and often overlooked preparation for exposure is to have spy-devices in place BEFORE exposure.

It is important IN MY OPINION to lock up the finances before exposure.

Thanks for caring enough to reply

Amen!

HHH Perfect! Thanks.

I am in favor of effectiveness over speed.
Occasionally, speed trumps effectiveness, but that is not usually the case.

When I was a 19 year old who knew everything, I was so foolish as to get myself into a social/political argument with my Dad. My Dad was amused, I am certain.

Then, Dad told me an illustrative story. Which , by the way, I absolutely hated at the time, but grew to appreciate.

"There were 2 bulls grazing in the field. Suddenly, from the other side of the hill, appeared a beautiful group of a dozen fertile cows. The cows stirred the desires of the 2 bulls looking at them. The young bull said to the elder, "Lets run up that hill and have our way with one of the cows." The elder bull shook his heavy head and responded. "No. Lets walk up the hill and have our way with all of the cows."

At that time, Dad's story made me think he was soooooooo tiresome.

I miss my Dad.

On the other hand.....

This senior rooster is patrolling the barnyard when he spies a younger rooster strutting his stuff. The youngster strolls over and says, "Hi, Pops! I'm here to help take care of all these ladies, and....oh, my, I see female Rhode Island Reds!" And off he dashes to service the whole flock.

Later that day, the senior rooster says to him, "Sonny, you should pace yourself a bit. No one can keep up the rate you've set for yourself!" The kid replies, "Nope, Pops, I'm gonna stay at it until...oh, wow, I see female Plymouth Rocks!" and off he goes again, mating with each one of them.

Later that day, the senior rooster sees the youngster laying flat out in the dust, eyes closed, tongue lolling. He approaches the body, mumbling, "Poor stupid kid. He had a great future if he'd just have paced himself!" From the prone rooster he hears, whispered, "Quiet Pops, I see female vultures!"

LOL

You forgot to add, all the cows, "one at a time"

You know, walking...taking your time...appreciating the moments...

But you have never been a young bull so...

Your Dad sounds like he was a smart man Pep. No surprize his daughter is

I am in favor of being strategic and think that is a better predictor of effectiveness than speed or slowness. A good strategy should drive the agenda, rather than the speed. Sometimes it is strategic to be fast, other times it is strategic to be slow.

I think most people are lacking in strategic insight and confuse "speed" or "slowness" with effectiveness. In my experience it is not the same thing.

That's how I roll...

For anyone requiring more analogy to understand Pep's point; I have 3 weeks of vacation to burn in the next 2 months, and I will gladly come to your home and apply pain and pressure to your most sensitive bits while teaching you defensive driving strategies... there will be a test after.

Pretty much agree. It's when months go by and the new ones aren't so new anymore and still don't want to act, I get concerned.

Plan B complaint...when it is also Plan D, it is very different than a solo Plan B. Going into a dark plan B too soon, smells of conflict avoidance by the BS to me. There are some legal aspects that should be ironed out ASAP but going 100% dark from the get go is not a good idea IMO. The legal disadvantage a BS puts themselves in concerns me GREATLY. Unless you're Rockerfeller and can pay an attorney $300/hr to handle every single communication with a stbxWS, I don't think not knowing about certain things or incurring legal expenses up the wahzoo is helpful to the BS.

x 2

Oh Cmon Mel, your from Texas..I live in Bawlimer and I don't even use those "Gangsta" sayings..lol.

I agree that they don't have the insight, or the wisdom...hopefully we can say "yet". But Peps talking about the shock value of the incidents that brought them here..

It would be different if they were accually "here", instead of browsing the web looking for answers..if they paid for this advice, if they really valued all of the time put in here by people such as yourself..

But in this world full of cop-outs and looking the other way if things are not what we want to see, it is easy for them to just go to U-tube and watch thier favorite video if things get to tough.

Remember you, and I, came up in a different world, where adults were listened to, and guidance was respected.. Unfortunately it is sold more often than not in this world,,for fame or fortune.

As I read Dr. Hs words of wisdom I realised he was of the same school of thought as I was from the beginning of my marriage, so it was like I found a home.

.Too late for my wife, and my marriage of course too. But I totally get the concept of time and influence on human beings..I was fooled at one time too.

Pushing people who are afraid and in shock may be the right thing to do, and wisdom says.."WHY DO YOU PUT UP WITH THIS?", but we must work with what we have..

Many times its a audience that is timid and afraid, and needs time to see the light.

I wish there was a section of MB for the timid and weak of heart, who don't see the writing on the wall when they are playing around with other peoples emotions,or being played on themselves, but it will take time and experience for them to see the light.

I say we let them ask for help, when they realize that they are lost, and when they are ready to take the bull by the horns. Until then, we keep the water trough full, for when they need a drink.

"Word?"

"Many times its a audience that is timid and afraid, and needs time to see the light."

And who is the best judge of how much time is needed? I think most people have poor instincts about such things, don't you? And some have an inflated view of their own abilities. The nice thing is we have several different posters so those with poor instincts can be helped by those who don't. I think most people who show up on the infidelity are timid and afraid. But we still help them.

Oh yeah that "bull" story, here is how I heard it guys...


__When the young bull comes running to the big old bull and says.."Hey lets run on down to the field and screw one of those cows!"

The older bull says, "Lets walk down, and screw them all, one at a time"__

But here we have a lot of the roosters like in NGs story, some that show up and wonder where the magic went. How did the other guy get my Mojo?

Yeah...lol Mojo..well