It is highly doubtful he would be kicked out of the military anyway. In about 99% of the cases we have had here, the IG issued a no contact order and that was the end of that.

But it is good to inform the military because they can force no contact and keep an eye on him at work.

ARe you sure about this? Does she have a facebook page?

Have you done a search on this woman to see if she is married? What about intelius.com or peoplefinder.com? That will usually indicate if there is a spouse.

I am feeling so much fear right now, right before exposure and even just now, checking my husband's account (he can see when someone other than him is on his account, though he gave the Chaplain his passwords too...). I know he knows I was on there... and I am worried about his reaction. This is probably normal fear, I need to worry less about him threatening to leave and more about what kind of marriage and commitment I deserve.

I have done a search, she is not married.

You make the effort earn/build the marriage you desire to have. Today.

Have you ever tried to drive your car only by looking in the rear view mirror?

Your last line says it all. However if he gets violent or hits you report him.

Can you download and place spyware on his computer? That would be a more effective way to spy on him. Do it in a way that he can't see you looking. Do you have access to his computer while he is at work?

Is spying necessary? I do not believe I can do that. Check on him with his knowledge, have full access with his knowledge - yes. But I trust him, still, enough to not spy on him. Which I guess might be considered stupid.

We ate lunch together today and I was having trouble focusing and fighting back an emotional outburst... I held back tears. There was a lady in the lunch line who joked with him about his food choices. He said he didn't know who she was... Just made me more emotional. So when I just called him to let him know I had logged into his account, he said that he had logged in as well, right after lunch, because I had been acting "weird". I asked if it was to delete stuff, he said no, that he just wanted to see if I had been in there. I asked why he was checking on me. He didn't really have an answer. He said he hasn't been on that account in awhile... And though I believe him, when I look at the account activity it shows that he was on there once yesterday and a bunch on Monday...

I will be sending this note out, either in email form tomorrow (I do not have the email addresses I need to send this) or in paper form (I can drop the notes off tomorrow). Please let me know if this looks like an ok exposure note. I may just have to call and read the note, as I think I only have phone numbers for some of the people...

Dear friends and family,

I am writing you this message because you are an important person in the lives of WH and I. As many of you know, our marriage has already suffered a series of calamities in the form of infidelity. Mine in 2008. Now, another infidelity is threatening our marriage, WH's. To my shock, I am saddened to have discovered that he has been carrying on an internet affair with an XBOX friend, which has transcended to include email, chats and Skype. The purpose of the break in his commitment to me is so that he can decide whether or not to end this marriage or to carry on his affair without my interference.

He refuses to end the affair outright and recommit to me. I want, with all of my heart and soul, our marriage to recover from this affair. If you have any influence on my love, please do what you can to get him to stop this dangerous affair. I want to stay married, but the affair must end, there must be commitment.

As our friends and family, I am asking that you use your influence with WH to persuade him to end his affair and try to work on our marriage. Our marriage can be salvaged if he would only end the affair completely and recommit to our love. Please support him in doing the right thing. Please support our marriage. Please

I would so appreciate your support and prayers.

Warmest regards,

That is not a wise approach, LIP. You already know your husband is not trustworthy. You know he is hiding something from you and you need to know WHAT that is so you can fix the problem.

You have a wrongheaded approach to spying and I would like you to reconsider that. Spying is a virtue in that it allows you to create trust and protect your marriage from harm. You can't do that if you don't know what he does behind your back. Do you think that it is sleazy for the police to spy on drug dealers? Or would you admit that it is a virtue because it enables them to stop the wrongdoing and protect the public?

You have a right and a need to know each and everything he does because it is your business too. No one has a right to the privacy to destroy their spouse. So, please discard these wrongheaded notions about spying.

You completely negate the benefit of spying when you tell him what you are doing. Do you see that? You can't stop his affair by informing him of your actions.

And you do understand that he should not be forewarned about your exposure, right?

I would reword that to include her full name and town.

What have you been able to find out about this woman? Is she on facebook?

She is not on facebook... I have found out plenty, and was in contact with her. I am no longer. Thank you for looking this over.

I will not forewarn him of exposure.

However "love rejoices with the truth, it always protects, love trusts" corinthians 13:4-8. I worry that I am not showing my love for him if I am being sneaky and not completely open and transparent. How can I ask him to do something I am not willing to do as well?

You are misinterpreting that scripture in a horrendous way. It is not evil to catch someone doing something wrong; it is evil to commit adultery. You can't equate the two things.

Do you think it is "lurve" to enable your husband to destroy your marriage and commit sins in secret? No, it is not. The Bible does not tell you to allow evil to thrive.

Your Bible tells you to expose evil and have no association with the deeds of darkness. That is what you do by enabling his secrets. You can't expose his deeds if you don't spy and find out what he is doing. And you can't stop his evil behavior if you don't drag it out into the sunlight.

It is not a sin to spy. It is a sin to commit infidelity. Please don't confuse the two and get so hung up on this little issue that you lose the entire battle. You are fighting the dark forces in defense of your marriage. You have to be shrewd and can't give your battle plan to the enemy.

Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed. 21 But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God. John 3:20-21.

Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. Ephesians 5:11

Thank you for your response. I am currently in the process of discovering my relationship with God and my interpretation of the Bible is still quite� na�ve?

I will consider the spyware� actually really think on it, not just say I will consider it and disregard, but really try to figure out if I am going to do it or not.

I added dates and name to the message. I will probably try to find their email addresses tomorrow and send the message out. I will do it all at once to include family, though I could call family tonight and send the email to coworkers tomorrow... What do you all suggest? All coworkers (there are 4 in his immediate work center, they�re all buddies)? Or just supervisor and friends?

I sent my workplace exposure on OM side to everyone. In response the POSOM signed me up on swinger sites using my email address. I thought that was hilarious! I would say everyone nothing like a little shame to make someone wake up out of a fantasy.

I know I have endless questions but...

He has reluctantly scheduled another session with the Chaplain for tomorrow, not because I pressed him to, but because during our last session the Chaplain asked him to. I asked if he really wanted to go, my husband said I don't know. I asked if he would actually go, he said, we'll see tomorrow. So now I don't want to do the exposure until after our Chaplain's session tomorrow, because I have a feeling he really really won't want to go if everyone in his workcenter and family and friends know why he is going... Help?

Also, what do I say if he asks why I exposed him?

Do not hold off on exposure. Make sure its a complete exposure as well, pictures, texts, conversations. Last time I checked the Chaplain is an officer and he has to go no matter what or he's disobeying a direct order. If he asks why tell him your doing this to save your marriage. Do not argue with him. Have a VAR (voice activated recorder) on you. If he gets violent report him.