Kiddo, this is not a decision to fix "on spec".

You'd probably be well advised to be absolutely positive
that this procedure will "buy" a large portion of spousal
approval before looking like this:



EIGHT MONTHS after the operation!

And no six pack!

Word girlfriend, I concur. But at least at the end of THAT attempt at meeting EN's I will have a killer 6 pack of abs that I have missed oh so bad. And I can also wear a bikini on the Hawaiian vacation he has promised me to renew our vows, if and when we are ready for that.

So, I dread it but there are parts of it I am enthusiastic about, ie the results.

In any case, a tummy tuck is not going to fix my marital issues. I know that.

yep -hella big scar! uw, if you do go though w/it, make sure your surgeon uses sutures, and if s/he is talented enough, one long suture that comes out all at once. no staples! i know the medical folks are enamored of staples, but out of all my surgical scars, the gallbladder (only one done w/staples) is my least appreciated. too obvious. makes me feel like frankenstein, with all the dots surrounding the scar.

the best piece of advice (changing the subject here) i ever got was "what are you waiting for?" this was over buying a horse. however, i have since applied it to other areas of my life, and it's great! when it comes down to starting the online program, what are you waiting for?!

i understand about the M. when i look back, my H and i did NOT have a good M before the a. i have few good memories after M (dating was great, of course). it was very rough, to put it nicely, and we didn't have a lot in common - H loves cars & television, hates the sun (redhead), hates reading, hates horses (so funny, a big fella like him being afraid of a horse). he has a physical job, so doesn't like physical RC activities. i love riding, reading, films, and doing stuff outside (kayaking and the like). we are both temperamental. we used to fight a LOT. we were both totally IB.

having said that, we are the same kind of people, mostly, and have the same long-term goals for our lives. however, in the last 6 years, we have come so far and it is so much better! creating all kinds of new memories is so beneficial. i think we love each other now way more than we ever did, even on our wedding day. we never fight anymore (MB helped put the lid on that for good). i think, though, that having no children at home now has had an effect as well.

uw, you can't wait until your kids are grown. you two have got to get off the pot, prioritize MB and each other, and start making a really good M. if you had asked me 10 years ago if i would be this happy now, i would have said no way. i figured i just had to settle for what we had and try to cope with it (D wasn't considered). what that got me was an a. fighting for my M, making an active, sustained effort, is what has gotten us here today. i can't encourage you more to start the online program today, uw.

whoops, was going to sign off, but wanted to mention the faciitis again. skip the arch supports and go with heel supports - it stems from the heels, so no matter where the pain is, the heel supports will help. i'm sorry to tell you my first bout lasted nearly 2 years. i hope yours doesn't go that long. yes, the doctors will just say "it goes away," and it will, but as you've seen, it can be debilitating. do the stretches. i have to stand on my feet all day. it sucked. but those heel supports make a big difference. i wear them all the time when i'm wearing shoes that will take them.

Well of course you can find horror stories and poor outcomes.

Unfortunately I have several friends who have had them who look fabulous.

i don't think that photo is a horror story or poor outcome. it is simply a typical post-surgical scar for this surgery. if you go to a surgeon's office, you should be able to flip through some photo albums, and you'll see the scars look like this for a while. it does take a lot of time for it to fade. have you discussed this with your friends? have you seen their scars? how many years post-op?

a few years down the road it won't hardly be noticeable at all. but don't expect it to look great for at least a year.

I do have a plastic surgeon that has done work on my face, that has turned out amazin. And she had to do work on the same area twice, thought for sure that would turn out bad but it didn't. I think she does non medical procedures too, going to check into it. She is a perfectionist.

Speaking of staplers, I have a stapler for stapling up in my car. Don't ask. I'm a total redneck.

What are we waiting for? Gosh I don't know. My OWN perseverance has been on such a roller coaster. You all have witnessed it. I go from being gung ho balls to the wall on recovery to not caring if we ever recover. Back, and forth, rinse, and repeat. I have a VERY difficult time keeping the energy going. IDK if that is a love bank thing or just a personality thing.

Also I have not gotten H to enthusiastically agree to the online program. I have suggested it several times and he has been insistant that we can 'do it on our own.' But, we haven't. So I think I will just need to insist on it, make it a requirement, demand and not ask. Is that OK or is that a selfish demand?

We have a better marriage than ever before now, but the bar was low. We go on date nights (and lunches), we enjoy our time together. We def have more intimacy in our interactions and conversations, etc. We still have low love banks though. They are so low after all the history and all the infidelity and deception, now even if we boost them up from UA time and dates and stuff, our bad habits, LB's, or even if we have a busy week or two like around Christmas just seem to get us back to square one. Like we can't gain any ground.

I do feel like we are both susceptible to A's more than ever before (at least I know I am), which is why I have been so protective from a boundary and EP standpoint. I know our M can't stand on its own right now, not that it ever should of course.

Oh ya I meant heel supports. I got the ones specific for this condition. Haven't helped one bit. I always like to think "someone else has it worse." That's how I cope with everything in life, someone else has it worse than me.

Yep I've discussed it all with them, seen their scars pretty quickly post op. If I remember right they have said the redness has gone away within 6 months. I know it takes awhile.

I've done the research and know what I'm getting into. I just don't want to focus on it anymore. Or be self conscious of it or have H tell me it is the 'problem area' or whatever he has called it in the past. I feel like it is one piece of PA that has plagued me, and no matter what I do it is what it is, short from surgery. I just want to have it done and forget about it.

Oh ya, I have never seen it look this bad, even shortly post op. Other than online stories of unhappy customers. Not that I couldn't be one.

Oh ya, I have never seen it look this bad..

Well, I'm hoping it starts to fade soon - bride says it's a turn-off seeing me this way!

I shoulda known that was a self portrait. Although I always pictured you with a secret belly button ring...

you lose the belly button in the surgery. they create a fake one, lol.

i would love to have some work on my face. my eyelids are far lower than i'd like, and i hate the wrinkly bits between my eyes. and gimme some new cheekbones! and repair that droopy chin! but the idea scares me (and is very, very expensive here). plus, i'd probably get addicted, as you can tell from my laundry list! don't want to end up looking like one of those older celebrities that now bear a more-than-passing resemblance to The Joker.

Wowser that's a list!

My facial work was medically related and not something I had a choice about.

I would love to get a tummy tuck. I'm always self conscious about it, but kiss says he loves it. He says I can get one though if I really want to

Kiss...says I can get one though if I really want to

Uninsured $7 - $8 grand, minimum
6 - 8 weeks recovery, average

Wow!

Wow is right! I had no idea.

Tummy tuck = $8000. Wearing a bikini after 3 pregnancies = priceless.

Ok I'm just trying to keep myself motivated following all this talk of ugly scarring, and painful lengthy recovery.

Wearing a bikini after 3 pregnancies = priceless.

Priceless to......?

Hubby? To satisfy his Attractive Spouse EN (usually #3 of Top 5)?
UW? To assuage her own ego?
Hubby? To mollify UW's need to assuage her ego?

Wow! Indeed.

Well, at least the right questions are being asked!

Would I do it of there were no hubby, or if hubby was opposed to it?

He77 no.

Would I do it if I was totally opposed to it?

Same answer.

So I guess a yes to all of the above.

Except I don't know what mollify means...