I've lurked here since the first D-Day almost a year ago. My wife and I have had a troubled marriage from the start. While we lived together before marriage we broke up and she went and slept with her ex-bf. We reconciled and were married less than a year later. We then moved into a house and had our first child. I was not a good father in the beginning and she began to lose trust in me and lose faith. She told me she felt like she was cheating on her ex with me. Again we worked it out or so I thought until after our daughter was born. I lost my job and we lost our home, during this time she decided she needed to go to see her ex and see if there was anything there. When she returned she said she realized her place was at home with me and the kids. I made her write her feelings down because I didn't want to go through this again. (I wish I knew where that letter to herself went). Fast forward a while later and she says she doesn't like me, then she doesn't love me, then D-Day 1. We went to counseling but all we ever discussed was how I was hurt by the affair and how to fix things that were wrong with me. She was unhappy because I insisted on NC. Shortly after she started it back up again because he made her feel happy. She eventually ended it on her own terms. I thought things were OK and resolved to return to counseling with her in the New Year even though she still said she didn't love me. We even decided on New Year's day to leave the Christmas lights on the house so we wouldn't have to put them back up next year. On 1/6 she told me she wanted me to print the divorce papers so she could file them as soon as possible. A week later I found something left over from PA2. I got drunk and made a fool of myself instead of talking to her about it because I didn't think she'd be honest. I asked her to take a week away from the family and exposed PA1 and what I had found to everyone. 2 days later we had D-Day2 where I learned of PA2(with a co-worker) and that PA3 had begun. D-Day2 was easier than D-Day1 because it was the first time she's been honest with me in a year. Much pain and heartache ensued because I disclosed everything again, threatened to take the kids away, and accused her of being mentally ill. I let her come home and we have been discussing what to do about custody and how to file and where to live. She actually has had him offer to be her roomie. Meanwhile I'm having to watch her cry because all she wants to do is be with him when I hurt her. She was crying this afternoon and I told her to go to him because I can't bear to see her hurting. I love my wife and don't want to break up our family. I don't want to divorce. I still believe in the power of Love and marriage. Do I have any hope left? What should I do? Or should I move this to the divorce forum?

Mijunleigh,

Did you expose the OM with to wives or girlfriends or families? You've allowed your WW to get away with murder and this has to end, no more appeasement.

It would help if you cleaned up your posting into paragraphs, it will make it easier for people to read and respond.

God Bless
Gamma

the OM is single. Lives with his parents, has no car, and makes little to no money. One of his family is the manager at work and my WW is the asst. mgr. He is a lowly associate. They started spending time together because she gave him rides home.

Sorry for the readability ran out of time to edit the original post.

After some time you can't edit it, I don't know the length of time.

Due to the OM's situation I think he is a prime candidate for exposure -- living with one's parents...well...if your son lived with you and you found out, you would be in a position to tell him to either shape up or he'd be finding a new place to live.

And that is your advantage. Expose to his parents and the affair may very well end that day!

Mijunleigh,

If I understand correctly there are 3 OM? or 2? Is the OM much younger than your WW? Is your WW still working with OM and OM family?

Just copy the original text and then edit and repost it.

God Bless
Gamma

I've lurked here since the first D-Day almost a year ago.

My wife and I have had a troubled marriage from the start. While we lived together before marriage we broke up and she went and slept with her ex-bf. We reconciled and were married less than a year later.

We then moved into a house and had our first child. I was not a good father in the beginning and she began to lose trust in me and lose faith. She told me she felt like she was cheating on her ex with me. Again we worked it out or so I thought until after our daughter was born. I lost my job and we lost our home, during this time she decided she needed to go to see her ex and see if there was anything there. When she returned she said she realized her place was at home with me and the kids. I made her write her feelings down because I didn't want to go through this again. (I wish I knew where that letter to herself went).

Fast forward a while later and she says she doesn't like me, then she doesn't love me, then D-Day 1. We went to counseling but all we ever discussed was how I was hurt by the affair and how to fix things that were wrong with me.

She was unhappy because I insisted on NC. Shortly after she started the PA(PA2) back up again because he made her feel happy. She eventually ended it on her own terms.

I thought things were OK and resolved to return to counseling with her in the New Year even though she still said she didn't love me. We even decided on New Year's day to leave the Christmas lights on the house so we wouldn't have to put them back up next year. On 1/6 she told me she wanted me to print the divorce papers so she could file them as soon as possible.

A week later I found something left over from PA2. I got drunk and made a fool of myself instead of talking to her about it because I didn't think she'd be honest. I asked her to take a week away from the family and exposed PA1 and what I had found to everyone. 2 days later we had D-Day2 where I learned of PA2 and that PA3 (with a co-worker) had begun.

D-Day2 was easier than D-Day1 because it was the first time she's been honest with me in a year. Much pain and heartache ensued because I disclosed everything again, threatened to take the kids away, and accused her of being mentally ill. I let her come home and we have been discussing what to do about custody and how to file and where to live. She actually has had him offer to be her roomie.

Meanwhile I'm having to watch her cry because all she wants to do is be with him when I hurt her. She was crying this afternoon and I told her to go to him because I can't bear to see her hurting. I love my wife and don't want to break up our family. I don't want to divorce. I still believe in the power of Love and marriage. Do I have any hope left? What should I do? Or should I move this to the divorce forum?

You gave her the blessing to go rut in her disgusting pig pen?

That is the WORST thing you could do for your marriage right now!

First of all, you need to expose. There is no getting around that, and NO, it will not end the marriage. It will make her angry but she would rather keep her filthy deeds hidden than admit them to the world.

EXPOSE. Now. Take charge of your marriage and fight for your wife -- if you can recover she will be grateful that you did not roll over and let her go to OM.

3 PAs with 2 different guys. PA2 was a continuation of the first and with the same guy. OM2/PA3 is a couple of years younger. He's about 25ish.

She said she wants me to meet him and if I talk to him I'd really like him. This is important to he because she says he's gonna be around for a while. She even hinted he would be bringing his nephew to our son's b-day party and he invited her and the kids on a family trip to Disney. HA!!! They've know each other for a couple of months at most!

I'm just amazed how deep the fog is. And hoping there are people here who have been this close to the end and come back.

She's been "out of love" with me for 2 years. And she stuck around this long because her first OM was actually encouraging her to work it out with me.

What about exposing to her corporate folks? There is a good chance she would lose her job and so would he and his family member.

Mijunleigh,

lets translate for you.

She said she wants me to meet him and if I talk to him I'd really like him. This is important to he because she says he's gonna be around for a while.

The first OM really taught her well how to cake eat.

She even hinted he would be bringing his nephew to our son's b-day party and he invited her and the kids on a family trip to Disney. HA!!! They've know each other for a couple of months at most!

Your children need to be told immediately that your WW is engaging in ADULTERY which is something married people should never do and is very bad for families. Tell WW the only way OM is appearing at your sons bday party is hanging from the ceiling as a human pinyata with the kids given numchucks.

She's been "out of love" with me for 2 years. And she stuck around this long because her first OM was actually encouraging her to work it out with me.

The first OM wanted you to pay the bills while he got to be with your WW whenever he wanted or whenever his current GF dumped his butt. Did you expose OM1, he should be on your hit list.

God Bless
Gamma

Yes expose to OM's parents and your WW's job and WW's family.

Does OM have Facebook?

Contact at work with her affair partner means she would have to quit anyway. If she loses her job so be it. And if he does, who cares? Maybe he'll stop messing with married women!

OM should not be coming anywhere near you and your children's celebrations. Also, would you not need to agree to a trip to Disney for your children? If your WW decides she still wants to go, she is free to do so, but you shouldn't allow her to take YOUR children.

How old are the kids? You should expose to them if they are over 4 years old as well.

Our DD turned 4 in Nov. DS will be 6 in Feb.

When I was typing up my original post my wife asked what I was doing. I said "posting on a marriage forum". He response "they're all just gonna say kick her to the curb and go for full custody." I knew she would be wrong. I'm glad that I was right.

I disagree; given the present circumstances, I think you should go for full custody. By suggesting that the children interact with her adultery partner, your wife is demonstrating reckless disregard for the children's emotional health. And the idea of losing custody should scare the crap out of her, yet she is so detached that she mentions it flippantly. Your wife is not in her right mind. She isn't making decisions that are in your children's best interests, so the children should be protected from her.

Of course her fog is deep - she has never been faithful!

Wth! She wants u to be friends with the person she's sleeping with? And u are ok with this? Grow a pr and tell her the next time she leaves don't bother coming bk! If she does go, pack her clothes!

I agree but go one step further. Who is the breadwinner?! If its you cut her off financially when she leaves. Pack her stuff up and have it waiting for her at the door. Cancel insurance on the vehicle. If its in your name take the plates. After that is done change the locks with your landlords permission if your renting. It's simple women respect men they love. Right now your not being respected so you need to show her as the Alpha wolf in her life that your barking got bite! Man up or let her ho down your choice!

Have you exposed her affair? To your children also?

Are you going for FULL custody?