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...says she will stop seeing him if i give her custody of the kids.
The skank is lying!
How do I know? Because she's talking!
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You would be a fool to listen to something like that.
Look at it this way, if the papers are signed, and she still sees him, there is nothing you can do about it, because a clause like that is not going to be in any cour verdict.
If you want her to have shared cutody if she does not see OM, you can always voluntarily let her see the children more often, but I would never ever ever give her shared custody because of such a stupid reason. She is trying to play you like a fiddle. If you fall for that, you will swallow anything.
me, DH
all the children
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she's bargaining with me now. says she will stop seeing him if i give her custody of the kids.
You know that is just another lie, so why do you mention it as if it were a significant development? It isn't even logical. You already told her that you would call off the divorce if she would stop seeing him, so custody wouldn't even be an issue in that event. Moreover, the court will not modify child custody arrangements based on whether she is in a relationship with another man while you are separated and/or divorced.
we have an appointment with her IC a week from Tuesday to discuss things regarding the kids.
If you want to sabatoge your custody case, go right ahead.
i continue to take the stance that continuing the affair harms the children.
No kidding. I continue to take the stance that the sky is blue.
i continue to improve myself and my parenting.
No, you don't. You continue to sacrifice your kids' best interests because you enjoy playing the martyr.
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Also, the judge is not going to see that you exposed her afair.
He will see, that you asked a lot of people to help you save your marriage.
Asking other people for help and advice in saving your marriage from your wife's affair is a good thing. It shows that you are concerned about the welfare of the kids.
Just write a good exposure letter and bring it here. A loving exposure letter. You don't want to have this imaginal judge see a letter in which you state that your wife is a xxx. Just ask people to support you in saving your marriage and keeping the family intact.
My other point is, how do you feel about another man laying beside (or on top for that matter) your wife at this very moment?
Don't you have the least bit of rage in you? Can you imagine what they are doing right now? And you are letting him and her get away with it???????????????????
Really?
Will you lie in your bed this evening, knowing that you let your wife go to the OM and you are letting them have sex and all and you are not doing, really, really doing anything about it???
You can do better. Become a hero.
If someone in school would have broken into your locker and was proudly walking around with your new sneakers, the ones you paid for, yould your just have been silent and done nothing? Not even tell anyone?
Pray and work.
Last edited by happyheart; 01/25/13 10:36 AM.
me, DH
all the children
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An exposure letter is a non issue regarding child custody, so stop using child custody as an excuse to avoid sending an exposure letter.
If you genuinely care about the negative impact on your kids, why do you continue enabling your wife to continue her affair?
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Go for full physical custody with supervised visitation. Don't give away what you already have. She wants her OM, and the kids, and child support, and a place to live, and you to keep being NICE. Why? She got used to it being that way.
Expose to everyone you can with a letter asking for help to save your marriage from these affairs,plural.
Set the bar high. If she want's to be your wife and a mother to your kids she can't be running around with other MEN.
Don't waste time or money on marriage counseling. You will just hear about how you treat her bad and she needs to bang other men to feel good.
dan
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I fear to expose because I believe we will enter a custody battle and I can't subject my children to living in her environment if I lose. I would rather kick her out of the house so I don't have to watch and the tension can be lifted. You are making serious strategic mistakes will ruin any chance of helping your wife or saving your marriage. You HARM your wife greatly by helping her keep her secret, BECAUSE YOU ARE ENABLING HER. If you care at all about your spouse, you should expose the affair. That is the best thing for her and everyone involved. By keeping her secret, you become an accessory to the crime. There is no honor in that! It sounds to me like you are using FEAR as your guide, instead of logic, reason and good strategy. Your emotions have no intellect and are leading you wrong.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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You, my good man, are an ENABLER.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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If you don't expose, if you don't take concrete Marriage Builders steps, you're marriage will fail or limp along with you in misery.
Expose. Do it now.
She should not have the kids because she is not a good mother right now. And you will have to support her (and her affair) if she gets them. She does not deserve your financial support. but she does deserve to feel the consequences of her illicit affair.
Your children need your support in the form of fighting for your marriage.
Stop enabling your wife's affair.
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If you don't expose, if you don't take concrete Marriage Builders steps, you're marriage will fail or limp along with you in misery.
Expose. Do it now.
She should not have the kids because she is not a good mother right now. And you will have to support her (and her affair) if she gets them. She does not deserve your financial support. but she does deserve to feel the consequences of her illicit affair.
Your children need your support in the form of fighting for your marriage.
Stop enabling your wife's affair. x1000 Your children, if you expose and go for full custody, will know you fought for them. If you do not, and let her take them, the odds are high that they will be abused. There is more chance of that with OM than much else. Stop folding over. This is a war and you do not win by giving in.
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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she's bargaining with me now. says she will stop seeing him if i give her custody of the kids.
we have an appointment with her IC a week from Tuesday to discuss things regarding the kids. i continue to take the stance that continuing the affair harms the children. i continue to improve myself and my parenting. That is a real bargin. That is a real bargin for WW. Though not for you or the kids. A bargin with an offer to go NC with the OM that no one will be able to make WW adhere to.
Last edited by TheRoad; 01/25/13 04:54 PM.
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talked to her last night and stuck firm to the kids being with me, she countered with "you're battering me by trying to keep me here against my will" and i want custody, child support, half of everything like we talked about originally. I told her she was welcome to leave, but the kids stay.
BH Me 34
WW 29
DS 7, DD 5
Multiple EAs 2006-2011
PA 1 OM1 2/2012; D-Day1 3/14/2012; NC 4/1/2012; broke NC 05/2012
PA 2 ONS OW1 7/11/12
PA 3 OM2 1/06/2013; D-Day2 1/14/2013
Divorcing 1/22 Plan A 1/23
Worthless attempt at Trickle Exposure
Multiple PAs OW2,3,&4 since 1/27/2013
WW moved out 3/5/2013
Temp Custody of DS and DD 3/21/13
WW moved back D-Day 3 9/1/13
NC/FR 9/3/13
WW moved out 9/17/13
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With talk like that you must have a VAR on you at all times. Even mentioning battering is a hint that there is a fake domestic violence charge somewhere in your future.
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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You are definitely not battering her, of course -- keep to your stance. If she thinks she's getting the kids and child support out of you without a fight, she's wrong.
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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already have it. at some points i have considered asking a mod to delete my thread.
BH Me 34
WW 29
DS 7, DD 5
Multiple EAs 2006-2011
PA 1 OM1 2/2012; D-Day1 3/14/2012; NC 4/1/2012; broke NC 05/2012
PA 2 ONS OW1 7/11/12
PA 3 OM2 1/06/2013; D-Day2 1/14/2013
Divorcing 1/22 Plan A 1/23
Worthless attempt at Trickle Exposure
Multiple PAs OW2,3,&4 since 1/27/2013
WW moved out 3/5/2013
Temp Custody of DS and DD 3/21/13
WW moved back D-Day 3 9/1/13
NC/FR 9/3/13
WW moved out 9/17/13
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One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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Joined: May 2012
Posts: 240
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Posts: 240 |
i'm thinking she knows about MB. i'm worried she'll try to use it against me. I have said nothing I'm ashamed of or need to hide though so...
BH Me 34
WW 29
DS 7, DD 5
Multiple EAs 2006-2011
PA 1 OM1 2/2012; D-Day1 3/14/2012; NC 4/1/2012; broke NC 05/2012
PA 2 ONS OW1 7/11/12
PA 3 OM2 1/06/2013; D-Day2 1/14/2013
Divorcing 1/22 Plan A 1/23
Worthless attempt at Trickle Exposure
Multiple PAs OW2,3,&4 since 1/27/2013
WW moved out 3/5/2013
Temp Custody of DS and DD 3/21/13
WW moved back D-Day 3 9/1/13
NC/FR 9/3/13
WW moved out 9/17/13
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What's made you suspect this? has she been on your computer?
Last edited by karmasrose; 01/26/13 05:13 PM.
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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Posts: 240
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i would hate to lose the inspiration i get from reading through my journey to this point too. though i've been a hard-headed, waffling, enabler i appreciate all the support i've gotten from all of you. sometimes i feel really alone in this fight.
BH Me 34
WW 29
DS 7, DD 5
Multiple EAs 2006-2011
PA 1 OM1 2/2012; D-Day1 3/14/2012; NC 4/1/2012; broke NC 05/2012
PA 2 ONS OW1 7/11/12
PA 3 OM2 1/06/2013; D-Day2 1/14/2013
Divorcing 1/22 Plan A 1/23
Worthless attempt at Trickle Exposure
Multiple PAs OW2,3,&4 since 1/27/2013
WW moved out 3/5/2013
Temp Custody of DS and DD 3/21/13
WW moved back D-Day 3 9/1/13
NC/FR 9/3/13
WW moved out 9/17/13
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i'm thinking she knows about MB. i'm worried she'll try to use it against me. I have said nothing I'm ashamed of or need to hide though so... Have you exposed yet?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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