WH and I have been married for 5 years, know each other for 7 years. Our marriage was okay in the beginning with the exception that I wasnt getting my EN's met. Husband was incosiderate of my and would leave me alone every weekend to party with his friends. This was always the theme of our arguments. His temper is really bad and got to where he was verbally abusive.

In 2008 I got pregnant after having trouble and I miscarried. He went with me to DR and suffered when they told me there was no chance. However instead of being there to support me, he left with his friends to try to get over the pain. I was at home bleeding and having contractiongs when I called him, he said he would get there in 10 minutes... Time passed, and he never got home until the next day.I told him I felt lonely, I left all my family in another state, I had no friends, and I didnt like his type of friends.

In 2010 we both got new iphones and we joined a social game. Both of us. I got too social with a guy on there and had a EA. My husband discoverd this when he picked up my phone. He was heartbroken and kicked me outof the house. When I was packing my things in the car he asked me to stay. He gave me another chance. I was an open book to him, he took my phone away,he would call and verify that i was at work, i stoped going out by myself. He made me call my mom, I was so ashamed but i did it. I asked him for forgivenes, I am still truly sorry for what I did. He said he would forgive me but never forget. I

We found out we were pregnant a couple days after D-DAY and we were both happy. I thought the pregnancy helped us reconnect. But we really made no efforts to correct what was broken. My daughter was born and I made her a priority. I guess I did because the love in that relationship was reciprocal.

Dec 5 2013, my husband started using FB a little bit more. His ex girlfirend found him. I have access to his account and I saw their inbox messages. I was furious and asked him to delete her immediately. He refused said he didnt see a problem with it. The day after he told me that he deleted her.

1-7-2013 he told me he was going out of town for the weekend for business. He came back and told me that It was over. "ILYB speech.. . I was devasted. He told me he went out of town to think about our situation.The next day he confessed that he went to think things thru while with his ex girlfiend. HE brought her up from another state and they had their honeymoon weekend. He even called her after he confessed in front of me and talked to her like he used to talk to me! It was so humiliating he told her he lady was complaing (me) and I told him no get it right I am your wife, and he repeated several times "was".

I have access to his phone records since I pay the bill, and there it was. Clear as day. He called her the day he deleted her from FB.

He refuses to end the affair because he thinks he never stopped loving her and that she understands him unlike I do. He says she is beautiful and that even married men turn around to look at her (whatever). Right now he is still at home as I am allowing him to stay while he finds a place. He is looking for a house for them to live in already. HE says he plans on moving her up here with her three kids. She is going to have a hard time. His family won't accept her and she will not have anyone else around. How can he think of raising someone else's kids instead of his own daughter? How can he be so selfish?

I have exposed to his family but they are afraid to tell him anything because he backlashed pretty bad due to his temper. He actually told his mom what he was doing but he feels like he has a right to do what he is doing because of what I did. He blames me for pushing him to do it. He said he doesnt want to try again because we had too many problems.

I don't know anyone of her family as she is a complete stranger to me, she has blocked me from facebook, and her friends are not available when I view thru a different profile. Not sure how to expose on that end.

Im not sure in what plan should I be in right now? He plans on moving out within the next month. Im staying in this state until I get a job transfer back to my homestate. Should I follow plan a while Im still here or do I continue it after I return?

Im on the border of insanity this is so painful!!

Im sure this doesn't really makes sense as my mind is running 1000mph, but here goes nothing im hitting sumbit!! Please help!

Welcome to MB and I'm sorry for your pain.

Since you have your WH's Facebook password. Can you log on and view her friend list? Then make a copy of it for your exposure.

Yes you're in Plan A until you move to Plan B.

Tell us your exposure list.

How are you sleeping, eating?

I logged in to his facebook and I can't see her profile at all. When I log in thru someone else's I can see her profile but not her friends list.

Exposure list:

-His mom, two sisters, his niece and her husband, his BIL, his brother. That's basically all that he has. One of them has spoken to him but he is shutting everybody out. Says it's his life and will do whatever he wants doesnt matter if he loses his family or not.

-My family. They are all in my homestate and they really don't have communication with him.


I do eat and sleep but not as well as i use too. Im dont get hungry really and i cant get my mind to stop thinking so that it;ll sleep!

--- he left with his friends to try to get over the pain. ---
He left with friend because he felt like it and didn't care about you enough.

Please read your own post, do you really want this person back?

Of course he is the father of your child, but has he ever been good husband material?

I agree with happyheart, I don't know if this is the man you want to spend your time with, It's not alright for him to do this inside of a marriage any of it, he sounds abusive and controlling.
he has never been committed to you or this marriage.
he can let you down in your times of needs for his own needs.......not husband material

Well, him leaving with his friends was pretty much the norm, that weekend I thought i was ok until late at night when I started cramping, he left before that. It was also a couple of days after the DR's appt so he prob thought i would be fine. About the trying to get over the pain, he just told me this a couple of days ago when I told him how i felt that day.

At the beginning he was great, his attention all on me, helping me adjust to the new state, meeting his family, shopping together, we talked a lot. He was great at one point, but then it's like he took me for granted. I want that man back. I know maybe I emphasized on his faults to justify myself, but he's really not a bad person. Otherwise I wouldnt want him at all.

What do you guys think about the chance that his relationship with the OW is successful. They currently don't live in the same state. He's not really good with other ppls kids and this woman has 3. How is he gonna afford a new place for them if we could barely get by with what we both make and my MIL kept our daughter while we worked? I snooped at his txt messages the other day and was able to catch that she is having issues with her XP and they somehow have share custody. His family is not going to accept her. How does she plan on moving to another state where they have no support? How is she going to deal with me never being out of the picture? How is she going to deal with my husband having my name tattooed on his back? LOL

Im rambling I know, sorry!

Dianna, I would ask him to leave and then go into Plan B. He should not be allowed to stay there while he is carrying on an affair. Have you spoken to this OW? Does she know he is married? Because from what you said here he is telling her he WAS married.

I am sorry to hear that his family doesn't give a crap about him and won't help you.

What is concerning about this is that your husband has a worldview that believes he is entitled to an affair. He is not even ashamed of it.

He told me yesterday that he is already looking for a place, so he thinks he will leave before this month is over. I believe today he is apartment searching. So when he leaves I go to PLAN B? I was thinking about doing PLAN A until I left back home that way it would be easier to go completely dark and he won't have easy access to me.

I haven't talked to this OW. Is it recommended that I do? Yea she knows he is married and has a daughter. I saw text where she felt guilty and didn't want this to happen between us. (playing the victim).

He said he doesn't think what he is doing is wrong because he told me that he was having an affair instead of me finding out on my own.

He confuses me so much! Couple days after DDAY i was so depressed, I was in so much pain I started drinking, and he told me he felt so desperate for what he had done and he asked me for forgiveness, but still didn't say he would end the affair.

He also told me that he is confused and asked me to wait for him to decide what he really wants. He hasn't asked for a divorce yet just wants time away. But then again yesterday he said he doesn't want to try with me anymore because we had too many problems. And this morning he was upset that I didn't tell him goodbye when i left for work?

Dianna, I would call up the OW and tell her that you will be fighting for your marriage and that she needs to leave your husband alone. Tell her she will be perpetually hated by your DD for her part in destroying her family. Let her know that his parents know that she is nothing more than a mistress.

In the meantime, I would demand that he end his affair and make plans to move out sooner. He seems to be very brazen and flagrant and that will have a very negative effect on your mental and physical health. He should not, under any circumstances, carry on his affair in your home by speaking to her or IMing her.

I would also find the OW's family and expose to them if you can.

Will his mother call this skank up and try to run her off?

Will sending a FB message to the OW be okay? That way I don't get confused in what I am trying to say? I know she uses FB pretty often.

His mother will not, she's too friendly. Plus he said he wouldn't care if he lost the relationship with his mother.

Hi Dianna, so sorry for your pain. I am a newbie here, so wait to see if MelodyLane and/or BrainHurts confirm what I suggest. I am currently dealing with my wife's affair.

I would ignore the posts telling you to give up... for now anyway. From what I've read, you owe it to yourself and your child to give it one last, but powerful try, otherwise you will always be wondering, "what if..."

At this point, I think you need to expand the exposure scope as massively and quickly as possible. I would send messages to everyone of your WH's contacts on FB or otherwise that have had any repeated contact with him. Also, I think it would help immensely to get messages out to ANYONE connected with OW. I know it is hard to get that info - I have been struggling with that my self. If you have the OW's name and city where she lives, you can send me a private message with that info and I will try some resources I have to see if anything turns up.

Unfortunately, I won't be able to spend much time helping, because my own problem is already consuming tons of my time.

If the massive exposure expansion doesn't work, then you will probably need to go to plan B.

Thats fine, if you think you will stumble on the phone.


Why don't you ask her to help? Surely she cares a little for her son and her grandchild? It would be very impactful if she called the OW and told her she will never be welcome into her family. Do you have the OW's # that you could give her?

Started typing something out for the OW... didn't know where to start or how exactly to word it without seeming like a insane woman.

Skanky, I am aware of your affair with my husband. You need to understand there is no future for you with my husband. First off, you will not be allowed to darken his mother's doorstep. You won't be allowed exposure to my daughter because I will legally block you from being around her. You will be perpetually hated by my daughter for your part in destroying her family. My husband can barely support me and DD, so you won't get any money from him.

His parents and family members know your name and you won't be welcomed there. I would suggest you find someone who is not married unless you want to be viewed as a home wrecker and a pariah mistress for all of perpetuity.

Can you see any of her posts or pictures on her facebook page? If you can, you might be able to find names of her contacts.

Just had to pop in and say I LOVE LOVE LOVE Melody's letter to "skanky" it's perfect!

I enjoyed writing it!